Notices

Harsh decision

Old 12-10-2017, 02:39 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Harsh decision

Hey guys,

I know this make sounds a little bit harsh, but I want to make sobriety my number one priority.

Now that I'm sober (I drank on Friday) and are sort of thinking a little bit more clear, I want to get sober before anything else.

This meaning I don't care if I lose my job (obviously I rather don't), but as for the moment, alcohol is making my life hell. If I don't fix this I will lose my job anyway and also, things will just keep going down.

I know I am an alcoholic, and I even go and drink. That's what worries me, that it's my own fault because I'm the one that decides to take that first drink, so not only it worries me that I'm an alcoholic but also maybe I'm stupid and irresponsible it not being able to stop that first drink.

So I just felt like writing a little bit, because obviously I'm in a bad place now.
Hope1989 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 02:45 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
PeacefulWater12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I found for my quit to stick I had to make it my top priority. Above everything else in my life.
PeacefulWater12 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 02:49 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
My recovery is absolutely number one. Even beyond the new husband that I love with my entire heart and being. Before EVERYTHING else- because my recovery allows me to have EVERYTHING else.

Have you thought about AA or starting another program of ACTION? Early days is a great time to get external support, that you can then keep up as you go along.

Glad you are here!
August252015 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 03:39 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
@August252015, thank you very much for your answer.

Yes. I am going to AA meetings and I'm planning on getting a sponsor either today or tomorrow.

I just can't make my family to understand that this is not "a problem of my age (I'm 28 years old). I don't know how to tell them that for me to get sober is more important than anything else. For me, it's important that they understand (because they love me a lot) and I will need their support to overcome this.
Hope1989 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 03:46 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Silverback4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
You are not stupid or irresponsible. You are suffering like so many of us are/were before something was done about it.

You are actually very wise regardless of your young age that you are recognising an issue and taking steps towards a better life.
Don’t be too hard on yourself and putting yourself and your recovery First is the best thing you can do.
Silverback4 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 04:00 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
@Silverback4 thanks for the words... but I just can't understand if I know that I can't drink, why do I do it ?.... My mind just plays tricks on me (yeah, I'll handle it)... That's not smart!!
Hope1989 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 04:07 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Silverback4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
@Silverback4 thanks for the words... but I just can't understand if I know that I can't drink, why do I do it ?.... My mind just plays tricks on me (yeah, I'll handle it)... That's not smart!!
Now I am sorry if I sound harsh..... the reason you do it is because you are ill, plain and simple, that is what it sounds like.
You are suffering from alcoholism which is termed closely with the word insanity.
Your logical thinking is correct for a non alcoholic. If something is bad for me or history tells me it will and can go wrong then I won’t do it.
Sounds easy right?

We don’t think like that and can find ourselves continuing to make the same bad decision that took us down a black whole over and over again in the past.
A perfectly logical, responsible and great person can have all sense go straight out the window when booze is involved if they are suffering from drink addiction.
Focus on what you CAN do now, you can decide not to pick up that first drink!
Silverback4 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 04:21 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
JustTony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I upset two groups of very influential people in my business last week when i cancelled my participation in two separate Xmas parties. I even told them why.

I cannot and will not be around alcohol whilst I am so early within my journey. This is the biggest biggest difference I am trying to make this time around:

a) Admit to people I'm an alcoholic
b) Refuse to be around alcohol even if it upsets people and plans

I've never done either before - I hope it makes a difference for both me and the OP.
JustTony is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 05:20 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
@August252015, thank you very much for your answer.

Yes. I am going to AA meetings and I'm planning on getting a sponsor either today or tomorrow.

I just can't make my family to understand that this is not "a problem of my age (I'm 28 years old). I don't know how to tell them that for me to get sober is more important than anything else. For me, it's important that they understand (because they love me a lot) and I will need their support to overcome this.

This is a tricky one for a lot of us. IME, recognizing that while I sincerely want my parents', family, etc support- I may not get it Period, or I may not get it like I'd want to .... or.... and it doesn't matter. That may sound tough, but honestly: my recovery is solely up to ME, and having others' support (especially those we love) is great- but also a moot point. Coming to acceptance of that is tough- and, at least for me, an up and down reality.

I'll give you an example:
My parents sideswiped me with "plans" for Tgving- in a nutshell, I thought it was on for my then-fiance, step daughter and me to join my parents and brother at the beach house. Then, I felt 100% ambushed in late Oct phone calls where BOTH my parents brought up specific, horrible things i had done in past holidays at the beach house. My dad even yelled at me- this just never happens. All this in my SECOND round of sober holidays- and when the past year and a half for certain have ONLY been good interactions at dinners, family Thanksgiving and more. It took me about three or four days to "recover" from my hurt, and decide with my now husband what we would do. And ultimately, I had to decide based on my program values what to do (we didn't go) and come to accept that they simply weren't giving me the support I wanted and truthfully, expected, at this point. Fretting over how they handled our decision was another thing I had to let go of, since I knew I/we had made the best decision for the peace of mind, no-drama, happy life that the three of us have built.

Take care of you. Learning a LOT from my sponsor about the whole ball of wax that is relationships has helped me tremendously.
August252015 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 05:33 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
 
SoulShine8's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
Before EVERYTHING else- because my recovery allows me to have EVERYTHING else.
I like this. I am now in the beginning stages of building my life around my sobriety instead of building my sobriety around my life. When I was drinking or doing those little stints of not drinking I was more concerned with the things in my life and making sobriety jibe with that instead of first making sure I am sober and doing or not doing things in my life to support that. I have switched that thinking.
SoulShine8 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 05:35 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey Hope

You would get an A+ from pretty much anyone in treatment circles for wanting to make recovery your P1 mission. I mean, if we aren't sober, we stand to lose everything, including our lives, so seems like a logical decision.

Family. I know as an alcoholic I worry way too much about what other people think. And have drank 'over' or 'because of' the actions of other people, places and things. Bottom line is the job and responsibility of my recovery stop with me. What other people think or do cannot play into that. My recovery is not dependent on what my family does or does not do. If that were the case, I'd be drunk. Soooo what I'm saying is: I don't drink because of what other people in my life do. And I don't stay sober because of what they do either. I hope that makes sense.
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 05:45 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
@August252015, ]
...I just can't make my family to understand that this is not "a problem of my age (I'm 28 years old). I don't know how to tell them that for me to get sober is more important than anything else. For me, it's important that they understand (because they love me a lot) and I will need their support to overcome this.
No. We can't make normies understand. The workings of an alcoholic mind just don't make sense to them. They try to apply the kind of reason that just doesn't help us.

What really helped me was understanding and accepting that this is just the way it is. They're not refusing to understand, they just can't. Just as, if someone was talking to me in chinese, no matter how much i wanted to understand them, i wouldnt be able to. It doesn't mean they don't love us. They just. Don't. Get it.

That was why AA meetings and sponsorship was so very important to me. It meant that as well as my normie family (who love me, but don't get it) I had a nice e big group of people who did get it and who could support me on my journey. Now many of them are like another family to me.

All they need to understand is that you have decided that you are no longer drinking alcohol. Not for anyone. Or any event. No more excuses. No more rationalisation. With the aim being a new life :Sober and happy and liking yourself. Simples.

BB
Berrybean is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 06:05 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
@Silverback4 thanks for the words... but I just can't understand if I know that I can't drink, why do I do it ?.... My mind just plays tricks on me (yeah, I'll handle it)... That's not smart!!
this is where reading the big book- the chapters 'there is a solution" and "more about alcoholism" would help.
the power of choice- even when i didnt want to drink, i couldnt not drink because i lost the power of choice. i had to have a power greater than me to help- a power not of this world.

the mental obsession isnt something i could just push away and say "NO" to on my own.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 07:21 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Guys, thank you very much for the support.

I have received a lot of important messages that, well as you guys know, it is very important that people give you some sort of hope when you're like this.
Hope1989 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 08:09 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,333
Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
I just can't make my family to understand that this is not "a problem of my age (I'm 28 years old). I don't know how to tell them that for me to get sober is more important than anything else. For me, it's important that they understand (because they love me a lot) and I will need their support to overcome this.
Hope, it's really hard to make others understand how serious and dangerous alcoholism is. But, we know, and you will always find support here.
Anna is online now  
Old 12-10-2017, 09:17 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,021
Hello,

Lots of good advice above, I am posting a link that many of us have found helpful during the holidays.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ers-2-0-a.html (Thanksgiving and Xmas Survival Guide vers 2.0)
Delilah1 is offline  
Old 12-10-2017, 09:20 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
H.O.P.E=
Hold On Pain Ends.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 12-11-2017, 09:50 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
No Dogma Please
 
MindfulMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
When I got home from rehab and called my brother (he knew where I was) his first response was "But you're not REALLY an alcoholic."

I just said "Yes, I am" and left it at that. He gets it now.

Sobriety and recovery HAS to be your #1 priority right now, and pretty much forever.

Everything August said above.
MindfulMan is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:52 AM.