Lonely and lost

Old 12-06-2017, 11:11 PM
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Lonely and lost

I am having the worst night I can remember having in a very long time, and it actually involves very little quacking or AH anger. It seems like it's all coming down at once, and at the moment it's too much for me to handle. Our oldest is having some pretty big, but not too uncommon young adult problems and is making some school/work decisions that could affect him in ways he is too immature to realize. I should have a partner/husband/co-parent to discuss and worry with, but his 10 second contribution was antagonistic at best (fortunately it was only said to me), and then he went to bed. So, here I sit alone. Not sure what I should be doing, if anything. But I am aware that I am very, very alone. I need sleep. AH gets some test results back tomorrow, that I'm fairly certain won't be positive news. I'm going to need the energy to deal with what comes from that, but there's no way I can sleep with my current anxiety level and non-stop tears. I knew parenting would be tough, but I didn't sign up to do this alone! It keeps amazing me that I am almost never physically alone, but I am almost always alone.
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Old 12-07-2017, 03:10 AM
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"O you must wear your rue with difference".
 
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Searching, not being parent I'm not sure if I can say anything useful. I will say that you are all the parent your child will ever need. There are a lot of single parents here who have left their addict partners, or people who are co-parenting. I hope that one of them responds. I've added some tags to your post so anyone searching for parenting will find it.
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Old 12-07-2017, 05:31 AM
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Hi, Searching.
Hope you are feeling better today?
Hard to live with an emotionally distant partner, drinking or not.
Hugs.
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Old 12-07-2017, 06:10 AM
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Searching, please know that you are not alone. I am a single mom of a teen & pre-teen with STBXAH coming around when it's convenient for him. It has been a long journey but kids are so much healthier without his daily presence in our lives. I, however, am still a mess emotionally for the most part so I understand the loneliness. That being said, I am so much stronger and capable than I ever thought possible and you are too. Somehow, you get the strength to do what needs to be done for that day. Keep reaching out, maybe get to Alanon if you can. You need support and comfort like all of us do. I am praying for you!
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Old 12-07-2017, 07:46 AM
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I sympathize. I'm single-parenting an almost-teen girl with an alcoholic father who shows up just often enough to create chaos. I too find it very difficult, and I imagine it's only going to get tougher as she gets older. She's a great kid, but like you say, even great kids aren't always mature enough to make good decisions. I end up doing all the discussing and worrying in my own head because there's no one else. I don't think I have any great advice to offer except to say that you aren't alone.
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Old 12-08-2017, 05:46 AM
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Sorry you're having so much anxiety right now Searching. I can relate to being the married single parent. I'm divorced now, but for me, being married to an A made parenting MUCH tougher. That's one of the reasons I divorced. I wasn't able to parent my child the way I knew he needed to be parented. It's so hard I know. Hugs to you.
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