Mango blast

Here are the most common options:

"I take care of me."

The world is unsafe. I can’t trust anybody, there’s me and there’s me, and I take care of me. I’m independent, some say self-sufficient. I don’t lean into relationships, I don’t open up and really let others in. Instead I manage others by being good and accommodating.

"I’m compliant and passive."

The world is unsafe. I feel I have little control, and not much self-confidence, and so I decide I just need to go along with others. They know better than me, and sometimes when I'm overwhelmed, they help me out or tell me what to do.

'I need to stay alert."

The world is unsafe so I need to be hypervigilant. I am always anxious, always looking for danger, always expecting the worst. A friend is late? He had a car accident. My boyfriend hasn’t called today? He is thinking of breaking up. People can misinterpret my anxiety as irritability, of being always on edge—because I am.

"I need to be in control and I’m angry."

The world is unsafe and so nothing is going to sneak up on me. I’m in charge and nothing happens unless I say so. People give me a hard time? I fight back. If I don’t agree, you’re going to know about it.


I've done all the above for as long as I can remember. These ways of dealing with life are common responses from adults who have unresolved childhood trauma. This is a "wow" moment for me. Before ramping up recovery this past year and having more connections with healthy people, I really thought these method were simply how everyone dealt with life... those were the people I related to and had everywhere in my own life... this was a "comfortable chaos" for me.

These stances, carved out of trauma, take hold. They work, in that they allow the child to move forward in life and survive childhood. The problem is that they linger and don’t work as well in the larger adult world. An individual may marry but never form true intimacy in their relationship. Their passivity not only drives others crazy but keeps them from discovering their life. Their anxiety keeps them living in the future, their negativity overshadowing the positive, their over-reactions disrupting their relationships. Or their anger dominates, and they have control but are at war with the world.

Healing is possible.


1. Start by recognizing and taking a hard look at your stance and its limitations.

How do you view the world and how to cope with others? By doing this, you are not only being honest with yourself, but you begin to separate the past from present.

2. Step outside your comfort zones and patterns.

Time to be the grownup rather than the frightened child. Experiment with stepping outside your comfort zone: Speak up rather than being passive, open up and lean in in rather than being closed and isolated, focus on the present rather than constantly looking ahead to the frightening future, or experiment with letting go of anger and control.

3. Get support and help.

All of this is easier said than done, of course, and support and help is what you never really received. Here you may take the risk of seeking professional help to support and make those baby steps towards behavioral change; you may, on a therapist's advice, consider medication to help break the cycle. It's not about doing it right but doing it different.


4. Be bold, be patient. What’s important is moving forward so you don’t have to keep always protecting yourself from danger, so you can lean into your life.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ildhood-trauma

I left out "finding closure", brief info on that for more individual events is on the link above. With c-ptsd it can be more hurtful to work on that unless you're in a really good place to do that, with professional support.

OpheliaKatz

Sticky? This was very useful. Thank you.

aliciagr

Very good post, thank you.

Rodney18

This post was helpful for me
I do the same and childhood trauma is the reason
I’ve recently accepted this fact

glenl

I don't know if anyone else here would be interested in this, but there's a Youtube channel that I really like for understanding codependency and unhealthy behaviors - this link will take you to search results for her channel, I've watched most of these and it has helped me understand myself better: https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...life+coach+inc

Ariesagain

Wow. As I read your post I was busy running around in my own head worrying whether my little eBay battery Christmas lights were going to light my sad dry supermarket Christmas tree on fire in the next two weeks...especially as I have to be gone for four days.

Poster Child For “I need to stay alert” or what????

I bore myself with this...yet I have such a tough time NOT hopping on the Impending Disaster Hamster Wheel of Doom.

Oy.

Thanks for posting this!

Mango blast

Healing the emotional body with Energy Healing

Our emotions are so strongly associated with our physical wellness that even the word “dis-ease” explains the tie between our minds and body. Holistic practitioners of Eastern medicine, Homeopathic practitioners, religious leaders and more recently, Doctors of Osteopathic medicine in Western Medicine, understand the very intricate relationship between our physical bodies and our emotions.

In this article, we want to discuss a bit into detail about the mind-body philosophy and how we can have a better understanding of how to apply into our daily lives.

Mind Body Connection

Acupuncture and acupressure are the most common mind body healing methods that we hear about, however there are numerous other methods such as Reiki, Tai Chi and Qigong.The basis of belief for these therapies are that the mind is very well connected to the condition of the body, that our mind and body exist in the form of being whole and interconnected with one another.Traditional Western Medicine is divided into systems, such as the endocrine system, and focused on treating ailments specific to that particular system or organ. Thus we have cardiologist and dermatologist and so on that are dedicated to examining and treating those particular areas.

In the more recent years, with the mass consciousness in the spiritual growth on the incline, we have a better understanding now that our thoughts and feelings play huge role in our physical health. Alcoholism, eating disorders and depression are finally recognized as a disease and treated with care and tenderness that it always deserved. When we begin considering the mind body connection, we understand better that not all ailments are purely physically in nature. In fact, many leaders in the emotional body healing movement, such as Louise Hay and Dr.Caroline Myss (a medical intuitive) believe that all illnesses and disease have a direct connection with the emotional state of the patient. Thus the underlying emotion must be treated in order to address the physical symptoms.

Healing the Emotional Body

Our minds are indeed very powerful. More so than ever in the history of time do we have teachers and leaders re-affirming this awareness. Energy healing is rapidly gaining popularity in conjunction to traditional therapies because we have a better understanding of this. Reiki, Crystal Healing, Sound therapy, Tai Chi and Meditation are among the common options available to us today to help heal the emotional body along with the physical ailments that result from disease.

Utilizing energy healing therapies and caring for the emotional body that we call the mind body connection, we can prevent disease by addressing the long standing negative emotions we may be harboring. Meditating and journaling, mirror work and self reflection allows us to see into our minds and hearts, where we can initiate the healing process well before physical manifestations occur.

One of the easiest and light hearted ways to release resistance and create movement of energy flow is through music and dance. Dance is the highest form of vibrational energy release and creative expression. Allowing the body to naturally flow to music help us to release tension and emotion that build up in our muscles and tendons. Perspiration during expressive exercise, such as dance, allows us to physically eliminate toxins from our bodies. Helpful chemicals are released in the brain to boost immunity, energy production, better sleep and even help us utilize our food better by regulating our metabolism.

When we look back in history, many ancient civilizations had dance rituals and ceremonies regularly to help the body connect to the spirit. In the modern world, we see this in those of us who attend daily or weekly exercise groups and more casually, we find release on the dance floor after a particularly stressful week. It is still deeply ingrained in us to seek the healing of our emotional body; it is natural and calls to us.

Understanding that mind and body are intimately connected is gateway to healing oneself through the guiding of energy and self love. It is also important to understand that negative emotion is natural and not “bad thinking” but that the harboring of such thoughts and the emotions associated with it for extended periods of time that can cause disease to manifest.

Allow yourself to try different methods of healing the emotional body. If you have physical restrictions, stick with something gently like Tai Chi that is low impact and low movement. If you feel a build of negative emotion, such as stress, the fastest and easiest method to release that is with high intensity activities such as African Dance or Alchemial Ecstatic Dance that combines spiritual intention, music and rhythm along with physical movement. If you are in the much lower frequencies, such as grief and loss, stationery emotional healing options such as Private Readings, Reiki Healing or even Astral Travel with a gentle, experienced practitioner can begin the healing process of the emotional body. No matter what you choose, the act of seeking relief within your own body, in itself is healing.

Healing the Emotional Body : The Mind Body Connection | Bagua Center: Miami Spiritual Center

Ladybird579

"I take care of me."

The world is unsafe. I can’t trust anybody, there’s me and there’s me, and I take care of me. I’m independent, some say self-sufficient. I don’t lean into relationships, I don’t open up and really let others in. Instead I manage others by being good and accommodating.

This is me but I've no idea how to change. Historically people/family have always let me down so I make sure no one gets the chance to anymore.

Mango blast

Bump.