KG77

I am so tired of having to say "day 1 again". I am starting to lose any hope that I will ever beat this. I am taking the steps i need to, i have re-enrolled myself in iop, today is my second group. But i woke up this morning on, you guessed it, day 1. I know I need to restart antabuse as well, since it seems like the naltrexone and campral arent enough. But it almost feels like I am sabotaging myself because once i get enough time down that i can take it, i drink instead. Then i do and say ridiculous things... I feel so defeated right now. I know that i have to power through if i want to get better. And i do! But sometimes it feels like giving up is just easier......

Maudcat

Don’t give up, KG.
Sounds like you know what you need to do.
Here when you need us.

Mizzuno

Sobriety is not a straight line. I've had my fare share of ups and downs. Its a process. A daily process at first.
Its good to hear you are taking steps to get the necessary help.

Awake61

Stay on the path - though I know how very hard it is. With you in spirit.

Ghostlight1

Please don't give up trying. It can be had and frustrating, I know. But please hang in there.
I had many, many days ones.
You're taking steps in the right direction.
Don't give up before the miracle happens. You'll make it.

theVman31

Nice "Don't give up before the miracle happens"
Never give up KG. Its hard but you have friends here to help.

KG77

I like that. Thanks for the kind words and support. I am getting ready to go to iop, so that will be 3 more hours today that i wont be drinking. I am taking it a minute at a time today, but i am 713 minutes in and that feels pretty good. 😁

Dee74

Mebbe you need a more detailed plan kg?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

Silverback4

Feeling “defeated” can be a good thing if approached and channeled the correct way.

For instance, nothing was able to change for me and I wasn’t able to get any real sober time under my belt until I faced up to the fact that alcohol had me utterly defeated.
Once I got my head around that the prospect of never being able to or choosing to drink again became so much easier to comprehend and I felt strangely relieved....like the internal fight with myself was over.

Use that defeat if you know what I mean.

comtnman740

Hey there,
Don't beat yourself up and remember that it's progress not perfection and none of us are Saints. We don't shoot our wounded as ALL of us have had struggles in sobriety at some point. If you're willing to do the work you will have a freedom that no other knows.
Keep going!

KG77

Made some bad decisions this weekend. I am feeling so defeated (again). It feels like i will never win this war. I saw something today "When the world says give up, Hope whispers try one more time".
I am trying to hold on to this. I feel like a fraud even being on this website. My husband is convinced i am NOT trying... and how can i say he is wrong when i keep doing the same thing over and over??!! 😔

Berrybean

When I first tried to learn how to ride a bike I kept falling off. It wasn't for lack of trying. Just lack of technique. And each time I climbed back on I made little adjustments and in the end I kept my balance.

Getting sober was the same. I had a fair few attempts before the one that stuck. Just stay willing to keep climbing back on, and make those adjustments as you hear and see things that might help. You'll get there eventually if you really want it.

BB

doggonecarl

Drinking doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't trying. It means you are still in the grip of your addictions. But it is possible you aren't making enough "good" decisions to ensure success.

You posted earlier this week about IOP. How's that going? And you mentioned resuming antabuse. Have you? What can you add to that? Have you read Rational Recovery? Read the Big Book? Attended AA and sought out a sponsor to walk you through the steps?

You can defeat your addiction, but it's going to take commitment and effort on your part, as it has for everyone who has gotten sober before you.

KG77

BB - thank you. I will re-read this a lot today when i am feeling down.
DogGone- IOP is going well. I have been to 3 3 hour sessions and will go again today. I did take antabuse on Thursday. It wasnt enough. I thought i could take it every other day or every few days and be ok. I learned that isn't the case. As far as the reading no, i haven't but will look into both. AA meetings i have looked in to, but as much as they say there is ALWAYS a meeting somewhere i have had a tough time finding one that doesn't conflict with work or IOP or isnt really late or quite far away... Maybe i need to stop making excuses and MAKE one work huh? 🙄

Canuckleman45

KG. I’m starting my day 1 again for the millionth time. I feel same way. I’m determined to beat this though. Don’t give up.

MyLittleHorsie

Please don't lose hope. Just remember, one day it will all click and you will feel better.

ScottFromWI

That's very possible. I know that was the case for me at least.

There is always a choice that needs to be made when we drink. And not drinking is always one of those choices. IOP sounds like a good start, but how about writing down some options that you will always have should you feel the need/urge/decision to drink?

A few that I can think of that are always right at your fingertips
1. Call the main aa number or numbers you have gotten from your other meetings
2. Log onto SR
3. Call your IOP coordinator/liason

That's for the "right now" situations.

It's also possible that you simply haven't accepted that you are an alcoholic/addict. For me that was the case too - even though I was using SR and other methods, I did not fully accept that drinking even one drink is NOT an option EVER. There are no instructions that tell you how to do this unfortunately, but all of the things you are doing can help you get there. Keep going to IOP and find a meeting if you are going to go the AA route. Go to the meetings, get a sponsor, keep comiong on SR. Write down a daily schedule of when you will do these things too - idle time is the worst thing you can have when you are trying to quit.