First Christmas
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree it gets better over time. I have learned that it's my responsibility to replace those sucky memories with good ones, and have actively been doing that with my children the past couple of holidays. My XAH ruined EVERY holiday when we were together, so it's nice to have peace and calm during the holidays to create new memories.
That being said, my children do go visit dear ol dad during the holidays and it is when he has the hardest time keeping it together, so that gives us all anxiety. However, we have learned to live in the moment much more so now, and don't let it ruin all the other happy days.
Sending out big hugs!
That being said, my children do go visit dear ol dad during the holidays and it is when he has the hardest time keeping it together, so that gives us all anxiety. However, we have learned to live in the moment much more so now, and don't let it ruin all the other happy days.
Sending out big hugs!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
This is the 1st Christmas I am resolved to not allow ANYONE to bring me down..... I've being Proactive with it, instead of waiting to see if I need to be Reactive.
I'm being vocal about my wants, vocal about what I DON'T want.
For the 1st time, I've convinced everyone around me to skip gifts for adults & just focus on the kids.
This year I am spending that time & money shopping for ME instead. (& I may have spoiled DD a bit too)
This year my calendar is littered with activities for me during my holiday break - not just obligations to others. There are movies I want to see, trampoline parks calling my name, new restaurants I never have time for & late nights at the beach during the week without having to deal with the weekend party crowd.
This year I am taking the season off from baking unless DD or I really WANT something specific.
I'm being vocal about my wants, vocal about what I DON'T want.
For the 1st time, I've convinced everyone around me to skip gifts for adults & just focus on the kids.
This year I am spending that time & money shopping for ME instead. (& I may have spoiled DD a bit too)
This year my calendar is littered with activities for me during my holiday break - not just obligations to others. There are movies I want to see, trampoline parks calling my name, new restaurants I never have time for & late nights at the beach during the week without having to deal with the weekend party crowd.
This year I am taking the season off from baking unless DD or I really WANT something specific.
This is my first Christmas with new really bad memories of my childhood... ramping up self-care and therapy. This sucks.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Love this FS! We have some fun events coming up too. Last night we went to the park and drove through and looked at the lights and came home and watched a Christmas movie. Sometimes it's just the small things we can enjoy! Last weekend I went out with a bunch of girls that I normally would not have and had a GREAT time! Just finding the positive!
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
This is the 1st Christmas I am resolved to not allow ANYONE to bring me down..... I've being Proactive with it, instead of waiting to see if I need to be Reactive.
I'm being vocal about my wants, vocal about what I DON'T want.
For the 1st time, I've convinced everyone around me to skip gifts for adults & just focus on the kids.
This year I am spending that time & money shopping for ME instead. (& I may have spoiled DD a bit too)
This year my calendar is littered with activities for me during my holiday break - not just obligations to others. There are movies I want to see, trampoline parks calling my name, new restaurants I never have time for & late nights at the beach during the week without having to deal with the weekend party crowd.
This year I am taking the season off from baking unless DD or I really WANT something specific.
I'm being vocal about my wants, vocal about what I DON'T want.
For the 1st time, I've convinced everyone around me to skip gifts for adults & just focus on the kids.
This year I am spending that time & money shopping for ME instead. (& I may have spoiled DD a bit too)
This year my calendar is littered with activities for me during my holiday break - not just obligations to others. There are movies I want to see, trampoline parks calling my name, new restaurants I never have time for & late nights at the beach during the week without having to deal with the weekend party crowd.
This year I am taking the season off from baking unless DD or I really WANT something specific.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Last weekend I went out with a bunch of girls that I normally would not have and had a GREAT time! Just finding the positive!
You are too right - it's in the small moments..... we've had holiday movies playing non-stop since Friday when we started decorating the interior of the house. We've done multiple run-throughs of National Lampoon's Christmas, A Christmas Story, Elf, Mixed Nuts & a ton of cartoons like Mickey's Christmas Carols.
We also heard about some new holiday light displays one town over (the synchronized to music kind) so we're going to find time to check that out too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I drastically changed my holiday activities after leaving XABF, and again after losing dad. I've never LOVED the holidays anyway...but
I started my own traditions. I started doing a Thanksgiving morning 5k. That was 5 years ago - and now, the family just knows that I do that and I'll roll into town - probably a little late when I'm done, and it's OK!
This year, I am trying to rally the family to get the hell out of Dodge together rather than doing a big Christmas where someone has to slave over food and decorating. I want us to skimp on presents, and take off to a forest service cabin together. Cook meals on a wood burning stove, have a big campfire, play cards and do puzzles by lantern light, and use an outdoor outhouse! I've been pushing this for a couple years now, and they are coming around to the idea!
It feels so good and helps to ease those bad memories to change our routine.
Sending you my best this time of year...I'm with you...can we just get to St Patricks day already?! lol
I started my own traditions. I started doing a Thanksgiving morning 5k. That was 5 years ago - and now, the family just knows that I do that and I'll roll into town - probably a little late when I'm done, and it's OK!
This year, I am trying to rally the family to get the hell out of Dodge together rather than doing a big Christmas where someone has to slave over food and decorating. I want us to skimp on presents, and take off to a forest service cabin together. Cook meals on a wood burning stove, have a big campfire, play cards and do puzzles by lantern light, and use an outdoor outhouse! I've been pushing this for a couple years now, and they are coming around to the idea!
It feels so good and helps to ease those bad memories to change our routine.
Sending you my best this time of year...I'm with you...can we just get to St Patricks day already?! lol
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
First Christmas here too.
Will no be filled with presents and material things as things are very tight BUT we will get to enjoy the traditional/memory making things in Peace and in Joy.
On the roster:
Cookie baking/decorating
Advent Calendars
Ornament crafts
Driving around looking at Christmas lights
Church
Pjs and Stories
Snowflake cut-outs
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Will no be filled with presents and material things as things are very tight BUT we will get to enjoy the traditional/memory making things in Peace and in Joy.
On the roster:
Cookie baking/decorating
Advent Calendars
Ornament crafts
Driving around looking at Christmas lights
Church
Pjs and Stories
Snowflake cut-outs
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by keepingthefaith
Good, bad, ugly... any "first" Christmas stuff to deal with this year?
So now the rest of us will be eating Chinese food and going to the movies on Christmas, which sounds really great right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by firebolt
I drastically changed my holiday activities after leaving XABF, and again after losing dad. I've never LOVED the holidays anyway...but
I started my own traditions. I started doing a Thanksgiving morning 5k. That was 5 years ago - and now, the family just knows that I do that and I'll roll into town - probably a little late when I'm done, and it's OK!
This year, I am trying to rally the family to get the hell out of Dodge together rather than doing a big Christmas where someone has to slave over food and decorating. I want us to skimp on presents, and take off to a forest service cabin together. Cook meals on a wood burning stove, have a big campfire, play cards and do puzzles by lantern light, and use an outdoor outhouse! I've been pushing this for a couple years now, and they are coming around to the idea!
It feels so good and helps to ease those bad memories to change our routine.
Sending you my best this time of year...I'm with you...can we just get to St Patricks day already?! lol
I started my own traditions. I started doing a Thanksgiving morning 5k. That was 5 years ago - and now, the family just knows that I do that and I'll roll into town - probably a little late when I'm done, and it's OK!
This year, I am trying to rally the family to get the hell out of Dodge together rather than doing a big Christmas where someone has to slave over food and decorating. I want us to skimp on presents, and take off to a forest service cabin together. Cook meals on a wood burning stove, have a big campfire, play cards and do puzzles by lantern light, and use an outdoor outhouse! I've been pushing this for a couple years now, and they are coming around to the idea!
It feels so good and helps to ease those bad memories to change our routine.
Sending you my best this time of year...I'm with you...can we just get to St Patricks day already?! lol
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 249
It's our first Christmas for us as well. I am spending time with my family and my best friend while waiting for the bailiff to call me to confirm that my AH has been served the divorce papers. He should be served just before Christmas and while this "present" I have for him might be cruel, it wasn't meant to be this way.
It was truly meant to liberate my soul and my son from toxicity to move forward into a new year with new possibilities.
I don't know what to expect, I am just anxiously waiting for the bailiff to call and then I will just assess my emotions and go from there. I am still staring at the stamped application for divorce and still can't believe it's real.
But it's real. The pain is real, but so are the dreams and aspirations for a better, safer, more peaceful life.
It was truly meant to liberate my soul and my son from toxicity to move forward into a new year with new possibilities.
I don't know what to expect, I am just anxiously waiting for the bailiff to call and then I will just assess my emotions and go from there. I am still staring at the stamped application for divorce and still can't believe it's real.
But it's real. The pain is real, but so are the dreams and aspirations for a better, safer, more peaceful life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Yes, this is my first Christmas since I have decided I have had enough of my AH, and trying to find myself again. It is very lonely time and my mom has seemed to step out of my life for the time being although she has never been very present in the first place. I am making the best of it and making sure I am not alone by planning things with extended family members. I am back to having my crying jags and my pity parties. Thought those might be behind me but then something sets it off again. Trying to use the advice on the forum to do something for my inner spirituality.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2
1st christams here too
I moved out the 1st November was due to fly see exAH family. Am now cooking Christmas lunch fir my parents. I finish work tomorrow for 10 days. I have made plans for Christsmas eve Christmas day and boxing day. I have one trip to the beach with friends planned bit otherwise looking forward to rest relaxation and no alarm for 10 days.
From the 2nd of Jan I have made plans to get back to running club work out and join a choir. Looking forward to being me again.
From the 2nd of Jan I have made plans to get back to running club work out and join a choir. Looking forward to being me again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
My 2nd sober xmas,1st sober xmas single. It's all good though. I was thinking today about how much I would have spent on my exAgf.. I came to $300-5'ish..SO.. my DD(22) and I are going to hand out 'grab bags' to the homeless this year,on xmas eve downtown and I'll spend that $ on them. Also having a party at my house Sat night.Xmas day..I'm cooking and having my solo/no family here friends/employees over to eat with us..Should be a good start to the new year!
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