MissOverIt

Like a lot of us on this forum I have been trying to get sobriety to stick for years. I used to not be able to string more than 2 days tegether. Now I can get to at least a couple of weeks before my memories of this hell zap. Then drink and it’s harder and uglier than ever before. I’m feeling so defeated and sad and scared. I was supposed to go to an orientation for treatment options today but can barely get out of bed. Luckily they’re every Tuesday and I will get in next week. I would love some kind words please. Thank you.

biminiblue

It seems that each failure makes it emotionally harder. I know it makes it physically harder. Have you read the Kindling thing lately? It's kind of scary.

Kindling - NIH


You deserve a happy healthy peaceful life. I didn't have any of that while I was drinking, so your post is familiar to me. I wish I could somehow show you how great it gets after a few months of continuous sobriety.

Hang on, just don't pick up that first drink.

Anna

Missoverit, I'm sorry this is tough. I agree that each time you try to stop gets harder and harder. I hope that you make this your last attempt. Have faith that you can do this.

MissOverIt

Thank you so much. This touches me.

AnvilheadII

there's a difference between trying to REMEMBER what Hell was like and making the DECISION to never go there AGAIN! in that way we don't have to rely on our memory or even worry when we get cravings, because we just aren't going to drink, NO MATTER WHAT. often we need to make that a daily or even hourly commitment, as some days are more challenging than others.

i really hope you find help and a pathway to sober for good. next tuesday sounds like it's going to be a great day!

Dee74

Hi MissOverIt

2 things helped me - visiting SR everyday so that I couldn't forget or rationalise away my problem and what it was like, and secondly: making an action plan, full of life style changes, thought changes, problem solving changes, dealing with emotions and finding the right kind of support and using it

You can't get change without making changes - trust me I tried

This has some great ideas on making an action plan.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

D

Delilah1

Hi MissOverIt,

I'm glad you came here and posted. I have been exactly where you are, with more Day Ones, then I wanted to count. I was stuck in a viscous cycle alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. On NYE 2015 I decided enough, and promised myself that I would stop drinking before the clock struck midnight, and I have been sober since January 1, 2016.

Posting and reading on SR daily has been my greatest support. Some of the threads I have found most helpful are the monthly classes, because I was surrounded by others who had stopped drinking, and were at rue same point in recovery. Also, the 24 hour thread is someplace I have checked in daily, it is a great place to make the commitment to the next 24 hours.

I finally got serious and listened to Dee about a recovery plan. I am going to post a few links you may find helpful. I know the first few days are tough, but it gets easier, and suddenly sobriety is your new normal.

December Class 2017
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-1-a.html

Link about Recovery Plans
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

24 Hour Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-321-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 321)

What is a Recovery Plan
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

Holiday Survival Guide
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ers-2-0-a.html (Thanksgiving and Xmas Survival Guide vers 2.0)


You can do this!!!
❤️Delilah

Clf236

Here are some not so kind words. They come from a kind place. You will not quit until you are done. I strongly believe the only way to ultimately quit falls on you making the decision to quit and be as crazy about being sober as you were about being drunk.
I have not had a drink in 2 and a half years. I never wanted to quit and I was not going to quit I didn’t have any problem with being drunk all day every day. There was no meeting, no god, no family that could make me stop.
I really shouldn’t even be alive.
Even after I was drug in to the hospital,over weight, jaundice, with urine the color of mud. I was sneaking around slamming shots or beers or anything I could get away with as soon as i was out of the hospital.
It was my third trip to the er that hopefully was my last. I thought it was funny that I knew exactly what drugs they were going to give me and all the things they were going to do. I didn’t even think it was strange arriving at the hospital with my own 5 gallon bucket to vomit blood into.
Something finally clicked. I was laying in a hospital bed listening to the sounds of people that were dying. I was in ICU. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a new born daughter and I was in the hospital on the floor that you go to die on.
I made the decision that I was done drinking. I did lay there and enjoy a little morphine for another day. But the next day I made it a point to be as much of an A hole as possible to everyone that came in my room. They were not going to let me out. By the end of the day and only a few minutes after telling the Dr what I thought of him I was out. I’ll never drink again. I know it because one drink for me will be like putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.

For anyone that is struggling with this, think about it this way. You are putting that gun to your head every time you drink. You will either stop drinking or you will finally pull that trigger on a loaded chamber.
I’m not recommending stopping drinking without medical help. That can be deadly too. I just don’t think you can stop drinking until your ready and hopefully you will stop before it’s too late. Taking it as far as I did can and does kill people all the time.
It is totally possible to change your life and the only person that can do it is you.
Believe it or not I run a bar and it is a great reminder of what I was and never want to be again.

Done4today

MissOverIt,

Don't give up! You're worth it! My struggle was similar then one day I got it. I pray that you get it soon. Just don't give up keep fighting for it. You will get it and you will change so many lives.

Good luck and many prayers

AAPJ

CLF - Well that's a pretty good first post. A bit rough perhaps but given your story it's understandable.

MissOverIt - You got a new-be to come out of the woodwork and make their first post. Just don't give up!!

MissOverIt

We’ll hot damn, that’s something isn’t it?! Everyone’s feedback has seriously touched me. Thank you so much. It’s day 4. I am able to move around more today and choke down coffee. Will head to work soon with all of your words in my head.

Bunny211

It took me 6 years from the time I identified that I had a problem with alcohol to the time I actually got and stayed sober.

I hit a turning point...I just knew the gig was up. I was DONE.

Keep trying.....big hugs to you. I believe in you.

MindfulMan

You can't do it alone, and you can't stay sober without a plan.

Congratulations for seeking treatment! Even if you didn't make it this week, there's always next week. That's the first step. Desire and willpower aren't enough.

You can do this if you work every tool that you have.

We can be the beginning of our community. USE IT!

Welcome!

tomsteve

some days an hour was too long so i went down to a minute at a time.
some times a minute at a time was too long so i went down to one second at a time.
even though those seconds were an hour long, it was well worth going one second at a time when i had to.