Frustrated47

Okay. I posted mostly over in the alcohol for him since alcoholism seems to be my ex-boyfriends main issue with drug addiction thrown in there here and there.

My grandmother came to stay with me last week after falling and breaking her hip twice and is now bedridden needing constant 24-hour care. The doctors had prescribed her oxycodone. Not realizing my mother had gone and picked up a brand new two month prescription and dropped it off, they stayed in the bathroom with all her other meds. The little bit of oxy that I had for her I had locked in my car and put my keys under my mattress knowing that the ex boyfriend had an issue with oxy.

So my mom calls at 6 a.m. and mentions the new oxy prescription for 60 days. New prescription? What new prescription? She said she had brought it over and put it with the rest of the meds.

OMG. I went and looked and both bottles of oxy work on! That's 120 tablets 2 months worth and close to $400 out of pocket. He stayed over I went and woke him up and said where the hell are my grandma's oxy!

He screamed and yelled and punched a hole in the wall saying that he didn't take it.

Of course he effing did!

There is no way that having a drug and alcohol problem he knew that there was some form of a pain pill in the house that he didn't take it.

Then the bastard left when I called the cops and file the police report. He has the nerve hours later to message me and say I had a lot of nerve accusing him!

I told him he had a lot of nerve junkie Thief coming over here stealing oxy from a 96 year old bedridden woman with a broken hip.

I am so freaking pissed!

I'm sure that's the only reason why he came over here. He knew my grandmother had come to live with me last week and had broken her hip. So I'm sure he assumed that there was some form of a narcotic here for her. Thinking and knowing that the only reason he stopped over here was to come steal her meds absolutely makes my blood boil.

He even came from the apartment of the woman he had been cheating on me with. On Friday he had posted on Facebook that he was in a relationship with her yet Saturday he comes over here saying he wanted to work things out with me and missed me. Yeah, right!
Missed ripping the off is more like it!

AnvilheadII

report the theft to the police. and NEVER let him anywhere near you or your loved ones again. i hope this DOES IT for you......and you fully let him go.

Frustrated47

Absolutely. I called the cops before he even left!

Since he had posted on Facebook Friday that he was in a relationship with the woman he had been cheating on me with, I'm sure coming over Saturday saying he missed me and wanted to work it out with me instead was just a ruse because he knew my grandma just came to live with me having a broken hip and that there would be some form of a narcotic here.

Not knowing that my mom had dropped off two brand new bottles totaling 120 oxycodone they were easily within his reach in the bathroom. The few that I had from her last prescription I had locked in my car knowing they would be an issue.

Couldn't believe the bastard had the nerve to steal my grandmother's oxy knowing that she's 96 and bedridden with a broken hip and really needs those pain meds.

Then to scream at me saying that he didn't take them! There was no one else who would take them!

It baffles me some of the things that he has said assuming that I am that stupid to believe some of the asinine ridiculous stories.

If Maria, the woman he cheated with, wants him she can have him!

He has cost me broken bones, thousands of dollars, and untold amounts of heartbreak.

I am so done anvil, I can't even tell you.

There's this odd freedom in the anger of finally being fully done....

Ann

I think we all have our "enough" point.

Mine was when my son came over to pick up some laundry he had left in the basement and walked out with my husband's portable TV that he used when traveling for work, in his backpack. Looked right at me, smiles and said "love you" and walked out the door to pawn the TV. I had been through worse, but that was the last straw, the "enough point".

Embrace this as your "enough" point. He lied, he cheated, he stole pain pills from a 96 year old woman in pain. You can't flush soon enough, no more circling the bowl.

Rise above this, use your energy for your own recovery and to find your balance and a healthy way to live. Love yourself enough to be "enough" without needing anyone else to fulfill your dreams. You alone hold the key to your happiness.

Frustrated47

I am a bull seeing red mixed with deep sorrow.

I can't seem to get past.it at the moment.

HOW COULD HE PRETEND TO MISS & LOVE ME IN ORDER TO GET TO GRAM' S MEDS?!

Seriously.

That's a betrayal to all of us.
My mom and gram forgave & accepted him back with open arms just for him to steal GRAMS OXY the same day!

He literally played the charade of thinking he could have his cake and eat it too; playing the side piece and I against each other lying the whole.way.

Right now I could care less about what happens to him. Would serve him right to face some consequences!

I know I have to get to a point of forgiveness, but right now I HATE him.
Smug bastard is walking around with 120 OXY HE STOLE FROM MY GRAM RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE.

All of the while saying he loved me.

That S.O.B. !

Maudcat

There is no humanity in addiction, frustrated.
Addicts are just automatons, doing what they must to get what they need.
I say, stay angry.
It will help you walk away.
Peace.

Ann

I'm with Maud. Let the anger help you be done with him and all the misery he brings.

Missmac35

Anger is the key I believe too. The second i start to empathise or rationalise the behaviour is the second my walls begins to crumble and I'm weak and full of second chances again. I some how think if I can understand WHY then it's ok, it's not personal etc. The whole cycle starts again. Looking at how hurt you are by this action and how grams and your mother are victims now too,, he has NO RIGHT to steal from them addiction or no addiction. That was a CHOICE. I used to say to my addict ex "why do you steal my money for drugs when you could just as easily steal your mums?" Answer was because he could and he chose to! He wouldn't touch his mums as he made the choice not to, too many consequences but NOT if he stole mines, I was always anrgry but then always willing to give him yet another chance 🙄🙄

OpheliaKatz

My ex used to say "I love you" after he did the most god-awful things ever. He had no problem taking things from seniors either. My parents suffered greatly via proximity to him. In the end, I just didn't believe a thing he said anymore. I agree that being angry is useful. I used to think anger was a useless emotion, but not anymore, it's very useful. Feel angry. Feed the anger and use the energy from it to move on and make your life better. Every time I start to feel sentimental or empathetic towards my ex (and I was like this all through the relationship, so it's almost second nature to me), I feel a little less protected. Let the anger protect you.

Xittam11

I'm currently going through divorce we have 2 kids so its been hard to let him go. My husband I have been with since i was 16 so all together we have been a pair over 15 years is "still trying to work it out with me for the kids" while lying through his teeth he has even went as far as going to a preacher hoping he would quote the bible but even he could see through my husband and his games. But what my point is even after all these years and love and memories its still not enough to keep him from his addiction. I wish it was but I have learned its not. Keep strong.

hopeful4

My XAH stole my child's pain meds from a surgery when said child was 5 years old. He also stole my pain pills when I had surgery. And lied about all of it until he was backed against the wall about it.

I should have been done at that very moment b/c it was nothing but misery the entire time.

Huge hugs. He showed you who he is, believe him.

Missmac35

Exactly! almost as though the anger is guarding you from the hurt until you are ready to explore these feelings when the time is right and you are in a safe place where you can fully trust you would never allow yourself to be mistreated and fall into the cycle again

Frustrated47

That's just it, which way do you go?

You've got the group that says addiction is a disease, therefore they can't help what they do.

Then the other group says they absolutely have a choice and made a conscious choice to steal from you, lie to you, cheat on you at cetera.

How do you know which way to set your mind?


I feel like that was part of my problem.

I used to blame everything he did on his addictions. Somehow excusing his behavior almost like he couldn't help it because of the disease of addiction.

Where's the Line? Where is that point in the sand that they stopped over here it becomes a full conscious crappy choice?

OpheliaKatz

This is just my understanding of it and I could be wrong: I think that there are two schools of thought about what addiction is, disease or not a disease. I think it's BOTH a choice that the addict makes and a disease because they have made the choice to self-harm in a way that makes their body diseased.

It's a dis-ease because it affects them physically. They start to get sick when they stop using. Detox is very uncomfortable. They have cravings when they don't use. Their minds are diseased, because they have rationalized their behavior with lies, which they may even believe; they need to change psychologically in order to get well. However I believe that they DO have a choice. It's not a disease the same way cancer is a disease. It's a sickness that only they can cure. I would say it's similar to a mental illness like depression, which is probably why addicts are often given an transition-to-sobriety drug (to get them clean) and then antidepressants. Sobriety can only be maintained by living a healthy lifestyle and that is why it's similar to depression. If you eat rubbish, don't sleep, don't exercise, don't work, and hang around toxic people, you will be depressed. If you are an addict and you keep chugging Red Bulls and coffee, don't sleep, don't exercise and spend all day in front of a computer game and hang around people who use drugs, you are likely going to keep using drugs... etc.

Also, while a lot of the consequences of addiction are the same (financial problems, relationship problems, health problems, homelessness etc...), I think that each addict is individual. So some might be addicted because they are 75 and they broke their hip and they started taking pain meds then because they were already depressed about aging, they keep taking more and more pain meds and get addicted. That's one type of addict. There's the other type that has poor emotional control, is basically a narcissist because they feel overwhelmed by their emotions and don't give a rat's ass about anyone else's emotions. That's a different type of addict. Then there's the addict with PTSD... all different types of addicts. All the same outcomes. ALL of them have suffering families, significant others, or friends, and if they don't work on themselves really hard (and it is hard work, long hard work), they will lose all those people who care about them, either because those people die of stress or they leave before they die of stress.

Feel free to disagree!

OpheliaKatz

Also, we spend so long thinking about what the addict is, who the addict is... what about who we are? Here's another two cents from me.

I think anyone who has been in a relationship with an addict is also avoiding something... and that thing, I believe is the ability to look in a mirror, like what you see, and think it's okay if that person in the mirror is 100% alone (I admit I have trouble with this myself, I feel horribly lonely... like, "life is pointless" lonely. Actually I do think life is pointless). I think this comes from certain types of crappy upbringing.

Either 1) Your family treats you like the family scapegoat, they don't love you unconditionally, they expect things. So you expect things from yourself too. You think you have to work at love (the type of work where you are trying to impress someone, or look after someone, or otherwise do for someone else what they should do for themselves). 2) You were brought up with a toxic sense of responsibility and control. So maybe it was that you were the only boy among sisters, and you were the oldest, and so your family taught you that you have to take care of everyone -- or maybe your father was like this and you learned by example. So you take this idea of toxic masculinity and apply it to your relationship by attracting a little lamb that you think needs protection (and might look really pretty in a gingham apron) but this lamb is really a parasite from the movie "Alien". You should really put that lamb out to pasture... and it's not a lamb. 3) You are insecure. You have a history of abuse. You think you have finally found someone who cares about you in your addict significant other. But do they really care about you? What if they are grooming you? What if they just say "there, there" while patting your back but all the while they are thinking, "As soon as the tears dry up, I'll tap this tree for money". Also do you really love them? Or are you just licking the crumbs from the bottom of the cookie jar because they are available... because you can love anything (and you, being unloved, are really capable of big love)? 4) Oh I could go on... because these questions are so much more interesting than what we want to know about "our" addicts, but it's also horrendously triggering, and it makes me want an Epsom salt bath, so I won't.

SmallButMighty

Personally I don't think it matters if you believe an addict's disease makes them do bad things or if you believe they are making a choice to stay sick. Six of one/half dozen of the other. Addicts will do what they do no matter what slant we put on it in our crazymaking desire to figure out their reasons. It just doesn't matter.

What matters is the kind of chaos they bring into our lives if we allow them access. Not just to us personally, but as you learned, our families and friends lives become affected as well.

I am sorry your ex pulled this straight up dick move on you and your family...especially your grandmother who is pain and needs her medication. I hope the doctors were willing to prescribe more.

I am glad to see how how angry you are and hope that prevents this jerk from ever again darkening your doorstep.

hopeful4

There are many many addicts out there that don't lie and steal. That was all premeditated. Just because you are an addict does not mean you have a complete loss of morals. And if that's what it's come to, no matter the reason, is that someone you should be with.

If you let them, they take you right down the rabbit hole with them.

atalose

I agree, not all addicts lie, steal and cheat. If he was able to “think” his way into manipulating you for his personal gain of more pills, then he knew exactly what he was doing. He knows right from wrong yet he chose wrong.

And that’s the thinking that keeps us accepting unacceptable behavior.

TropicalWinter

Regardless of the origin of the actions, be it disease or choice (or both), the end result for YOU is the same - chaos, lies, abuse, and all of the other things that come with addiction.

Therefore, regardless of the origin or cause, YOU must choose what you will and will not accept in your life. We also must think about what the ramifications are for our more vulnerable loved ones, be it children or the elderly, like your grandma.

I hope you never allow this jerk back into your life or your home. He's shown his true colors, and they're ugly. You don't need that crap.

tomsteve

setting your mind on how to look at it doesnt determine if the behavior is allowed to continue.