When it rains it pours
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 5
When it rains it pours
So, I have been a reader on the forum for a long time. I finally got up the courage to create a logon, created one post, but then did nothing more. But things changed again, and so I'm back.
I was sober for one year. But I had fallen apart after my ex had started seeing another woman. It went from having a glass of wine after seeing his facebook posts with her, and spiraled down to having a bottle every day. Its eventually hit the point where one of those boxes that holds about 7 bottles worth, is gone in about three days. The funny thing is that I started drinking wine and stopped drinking hard alcohol, thinking that it would help me get things under control.
I found out tonight that my ex is moving in with her. I'm a total wreck. In the back of mind, I guess I hoped that we would get back together, and everything would be right again. Now that he's moving in with her. I just don't think that I'll ever be sober again now. I'm not sure that I can ever fix this. I don't think it even matters now. I'm just tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of going through day to day, and there is no light at the end of tunnel.
I was sober for one year. But I had fallen apart after my ex had started seeing another woman. It went from having a glass of wine after seeing his facebook posts with her, and spiraled down to having a bottle every day. Its eventually hit the point where one of those boxes that holds about 7 bottles worth, is gone in about three days. The funny thing is that I started drinking wine and stopped drinking hard alcohol, thinking that it would help me get things under control.
I found out tonight that my ex is moving in with her. I'm a total wreck. In the back of mind, I guess I hoped that we would get back together, and everything would be right again. Now that he's moving in with her. I just don't think that I'll ever be sober again now. I'm not sure that I can ever fix this. I don't think it even matters now. I'm just tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of going through day to day, and there is no light at the end of tunnel.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
I am so sorry, you sound understandably upset. I can also understand turning to the bottle, a definite trigger! However at some point you just have to pick yourself back up and get on with things or what is the alternative? We all know here that drinking will not help - it won't help you deal with anything & will probably make you feel worse.
It must be so hard though. You need to do what you can to take care of yourself & find some inner strength to keep going & find that light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care x
It must be so hard though. You need to do what you can to take care of yourself & find some inner strength to keep going & find that light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 421
I can really relate to this. Been there, and it feels awful, but it's important to be able to feel the emotions from something like this so that you can properly process it instead of drowning them. I'm working on this. It would prob help if you didn't have to see his photos on social media either. Can you unfollow?
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
The only thing I have found that fully heals is time. Telling you to move on is obvious to you already. If alcohol is damaging your life, then you know what the focus needs to be to move on and have another life, to see "light at the end of the tunnel". I know that for me alcohol just brought me deeper down in a dark hole. Taking steps in a positive direction, going out of my comfort zone and looking for activities and groups, finding a life, and the passing of time brought me out of the hole. I just found positive things and forced myself to focus on them until they became routine.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
My belief that alcohol helped me cope with my problems was an illusion. It only made my anxiety and depression worse. Being sober, I feel much more capable of facing life on life’s terms. I have a much better relationship with myself and my emotions, though I still have a lot of work to do.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,477
Breakups are really, really hard. But, have faith that you will feel better in time. Right now, your heart needs to heal, but you also need to be sober. Things will not improve much unless you do. Hang in there!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by MintMacaroon 
I just don't think that I'll ever be sober again now. I'm not sure that I can ever fix this. I don't think it even matters now.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Alcohol keeps you stuck.
Stuck in the grieving.
Stuck in the hopelessness.
Oh, and it multiplies both.
Putting the booze down is the first step to the way out of grieving.
I have grieved drunk and I have grieved sober and sober is the shorter path to getting on with your life.
Stuck in the grieving.
Stuck in the hopelessness.
Oh, and it multiplies both.
Putting the booze down is the first step to the way out of grieving.
I have grieved drunk and I have grieved sober and sober is the shorter path to getting on with your life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
hey!!! this is great news!!!
His moving in is an excellent opportunity for you to
1) Let go
2) Acknowledge that alcohol is dragging you down
3) Choose sobriety
4) Take immediate action to support that choice
5) BEGIN LIVING AN INCREDIBLE LIFE YOU DESERVE!!!!
What a wonderful day!!! What a fantastic milestone!!! What a cause for gratitude!!!
Welcome
His moving in is an excellent opportunity for you to
1) Let go
2) Acknowledge that alcohol is dragging you down
3) Choose sobriety
4) Take immediate action to support that choice
5) BEGIN LIVING AN INCREDIBLE LIFE YOU DESERVE!!!!
What a wonderful day!!! What a fantastic milestone!!! What a cause for gratitude!!!
Welcome
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Hi MM
I'm sorry for your pain - but drinking on it changes nothing - it never allows the wound to heal, we might numb ourselves for a little while but the pain comes back red and raw.
I really believe we;re meant to grieve a relationship, then move on.
You have to have faith there's someone out there who gets you, who wants you and who won't leave you.
This guy was not that guy - but it's a big world out there
D
I'm sorry for your pain - but drinking on it changes nothing - it never allows the wound to heal, we might numb ourselves for a little while but the pain comes back red and raw.
I really believe we;re meant to grieve a relationship, then move on.
You have to have faith there's someone out there who gets you, who wants you and who won't leave you.
This guy was not that guy - but it's a big world out there
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 166
Minty, they just ain't worth it. I bet if your ex returned, you would realize that inside of a day. As someone mentioned, this is a great opportunity for some swidden agriculture on your private tropical isle. Time for an exciting new beginning!
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
Mint 
I am sure it hurts. I can imagine - been there and pretty much done that too. At least you have a definite answer of whether there is hope or not. There isn't - he has obviously moved on. So now you can start brand new on your own life. Cry, rage, write it out. And then start writing up a plan of how you, on your own are going to create a life you can deal with and enjoy. I'm at ground zero right now too.... all I can do is do the things I have to do, do whatever it is to help me get by (that is NOT drinking but seems to include a lot of eating right now) and to get through the next minute, hour, day until I can get myself to better place and then to the next better place for me. I have a lot of work to do for a lot of years of drinking. I'm not adding any more days and years to that amount. It's hard to lose someone but I think you do realize it's done and over with and drinking is keeping you in a bad spot longer than you have to be.
I am sure it hurts. I can imagine - been there and pretty much done that too. At least you have a definite answer of whether there is hope or not. There isn't - he has obviously moved on. So now you can start brand new on your own life. Cry, rage, write it out. And then start writing up a plan of how you, on your own are going to create a life you can deal with and enjoy. I'm at ground zero right now too.... all I can do is do the things I have to do, do whatever it is to help me get by (that is NOT drinking but seems to include a lot of eating right now) and to get through the next minute, hour, day until I can get myself to better place and then to the next better place for me. I have a lot of work to do for a lot of years of drinking. I'm not adding any more days and years to that amount. It's hard to lose someone but I think you do realize it's done and over with and drinking is keeping you in a bad spot longer than you have to be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 5
I got a DUI over the weekend. There are some things going through my mind, that I know I'm not supposed to discuss on these forums. I reached out to a friend for help. I know I need to stop drinking. I can't do it alone.
Now, I worry about paying the bills. I have to worry about having a restricted license that will only allow me to drive to and from work. I won't be able to see family anymore, unless they come to me.
The first thing that I did, when I got released from jail? I went home and drank. I know that for three years, my car insurance goes through the roof. I'm going to be dealing with thousands of dollars in fines. I will have to pay for a breathalyzer on my car. I really screwed up. I don't have the leave balances at work, to take time off and get in to rehab. I'll be docked pay, and not be able to pay rent, car insurance, fines, or anything else. I'm really trying to figure all of this out, but just not seeing a way out.
Now, I worry about paying the bills. I have to worry about having a restricted license that will only allow me to drive to and from work. I won't be able to see family anymore, unless they come to me.
The first thing that I did, when I got released from jail? I went home and drank. I know that for three years, my car insurance goes through the roof. I'm going to be dealing with thousands of dollars in fines. I will have to pay for a breathalyzer on my car. I really screwed up. I don't have the leave balances at work, to take time off and get in to rehab. I'll be docked pay, and not be able to pay rent, car insurance, fines, or anything else. I'm really trying to figure all of this out, but just not seeing a way out.
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
~
My heart goes out to you....
I am in the midst of a DUI and the horrible aftermath. I just got the interlock on my car. I too am in a bind and will be in a bind for a long time because of it. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please keep coming in here to post and read. I have found this site to be my float in the middle of a big lonely ocean and don't know what I would do without it, especially right when it first happened. I don't know what to tell you - I know you are in a hard place right now. Sending good vibes - my thoughts are with you. ~soul
I am in the midst of a DUI and the horrible aftermath. I just got the interlock on my car. I too am in a bind and will be in a bind for a long time because of it. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please keep coming in here to post and read. I have found this site to be my float in the middle of a big lonely ocean and don't know what I would do without it, especially right when it first happened. I don't know what to tell you - I know you are in a hard place right now. Sending good vibes - my thoughts are with you. ~soul
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
If you need help there's a lot of crisis line numbers here MM, and some good reading too.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
My sincere advice is to do whatever it takes to stop drinking - there's nothing like booze to magnify a persons despair.
A DUI is not a great Christmas Gift but lots of people have them and they go on not only to survive but thrive...I have every confidence that you can too
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
My sincere advice is to do whatever it takes to stop drinking - there's nothing like booze to magnify a persons despair.
A DUI is not a great Christmas Gift but lots of people have them and they go on not only to survive but thrive...I have every confidence that you can too
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,037
Hi MM,
I'm glad you logged on and posted today, and I am glad you have a friend you were able to reach out to. I am sorry about the DUI, but glad you didnt hurt yourself or someone else. As hard as it seems this is the perfect time to consider intensive outpatient if you are unable to take off for rehab. It will help you get sober, develop a plan to stay sober, and also show the courts that you are actively addressing your issue with alcohol.
I am sure today things seem pretty overwhelming, just remember that alcohol will only make things worse. The issues will still be there when you sober up, and you will then be dealing with them hungover.
You can do this.
Here are some good links to look into:
December Class 2017
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-1-a.html
Link about Recovery Plans
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
24 Hour Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-321-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 321)
What is a Recovery Plan
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
Holiday Survival Guide
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ers-2-0-a.html (Thanksgiving and Xmas Survival Guide vers 2.0)
I'm glad you logged on and posted today, and I am glad you have a friend you were able to reach out to. I am sorry about the DUI, but glad you didnt hurt yourself or someone else. As hard as it seems this is the perfect time to consider intensive outpatient if you are unable to take off for rehab. It will help you get sober, develop a plan to stay sober, and also show the courts that you are actively addressing your issue with alcohol.
I am sure today things seem pretty overwhelming, just remember that alcohol will only make things worse. The issues will still be there when you sober up, and you will then be dealing with them hungover.
You can do this.
Here are some good links to look into:
December Class 2017
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-1-a.html
Link about Recovery Plans
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
24 Hour Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-321-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 321)
What is a Recovery Plan
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
Holiday Survival Guide
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ers-2-0-a.html (Thanksgiving and Xmas Survival Guide vers 2.0)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 60
Hold up here u gotta love ,belive and respact yourself more.
How long u lived before without knowing this out of world person (because that's what's gotta be to be idolized like u do)
Sorry but how long?
Were u an alcoholic then ?
Or is just an excuse.
Sdome times we got to be honest to ourselves.
Love ur self more plz
Bu
How long u lived before without knowing this out of world person (because that's what's gotta be to be idolized like u do)
Sorry but how long?
Were u an alcoholic then ?
Or is just an excuse.
Sdome times we got to be honest to ourselves.
Love ur self more plz
Bu
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by MintMacaroon
The first thing that I did, when I got released from jail? I went home and drank.
That's how it always worked for me.
I was totally hopeless. I even bought additional life and liability insurance on myself to protect my family from the tragedy I was totally convinced I was going to bring and could not prevent from happening to them.
I wasn't totally hopeless.
I was totally wrong.
You can beat this.
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