sweetichick

Normally payday I go for one drink and it turns into a binge.. last payday my budget went out the window with drinking because I started smoking heaps.I almost missed my car payment. I lose all common sense on a binge and even convinced myseld I didn't care if I lost my car. My best friend calls it party time. I only saved my car by taking out a high interest loan. This pay I will be ok if I smoke just a few cigarettes a day and don't drink. I can even pay other bills. Last pay my justification was that I have needed a few drinks to make me happy. Instead I lost 3 nights sleep worrying about my car. I know its easy just don't take the first drink. Of course I could afford two bottles but it wouldn't stop there. How do I stop pure madness taking over again? There will be no way out this time. Hopefully I learn my lesson last pay.

Dee74

I think as logn as you have the support behind you and the willingness to make different choices you'll be ok.

You know that voice is BS when it says you can have just one or that it'll just be one day or it'll be different this time.

You've tried all the combinations, just like the rest of us.
It's not a goer.

If you feel wobbly any time, commit to coming here - and staying here - until the urge passes?

You can do this
D

Berrybean

Might be worth acknowledging that this isn't just 'last' payday that this happened. It's a bit more of an ongoing pattern than that isn't it?

Minimising leads to rationalizing, and often rationalizing (straight up excuse making in my own case, as i can see now in hindsight) leads to justifying that first drink.

If smoking and drinking are linked for you, then it might mean you're best to avoid either, as smoking might trigger the drinking.

Meetings. Talk with your sponsor. Prayer & meditation. Avoid crazy people (one in particular) like the plague. Gratitude lists. Don't take the first drink. Don't go near slippery places. Pay bills as soon as you get paid. Post here BEFORE you drink and wait for people to respond .... I dunno SC. We can all suggest things, but you gotta want it enough to push through the discomfort and choose not to act on those lies your AV feeds you.

What do you intend to do? What is your plan?

BB

sweetichick

Posting here first I am definitely going to do. It has been an ongoing pattern for me on payday.Im feeling confident now just scared I suppose. Not taking the first drink is the answer. The stakes are higher now with the car.

MythOfSisyphus

You can do this, sweetichick! I know how hard it can be, I drank hard for 25 years. But as you say, the stakes are higher. You know in your heart that sobriety is something you need so when the impulse to drink comes over you, come to SR instead!

SimplyFree

Payday was a struggle for me too. I’d get paid with a bonus. But I came here and posted. The very early days were a total challenge. But I made it just like everyone said above. You can too!

tomsteve

How do I stop pure madness taking over again?
a few threads of yours with suggestions.

keeping wet faces in my life( this the same "best friend that been wreaking havoc over a few threads now?) and going to wet places was gonna help me stay sober as much as staring at a flat tire was going to make it magically not be flat

tomsteve

sweetichick, ive been through your posts and have found this quite a few times in past posts. seems if ive read this in past posts and youre comin off another drunk, then just not drinking isnt the answer- theres going to need to be more work involved to recover.

Anna

I think it would help to think that just stopping drinking is the answer. For me, it wasn't. I had to dig deep and come up with answers to myself as to why I was doing this to my life. I think that dealing with the underlying issues was essential for me.

heavencanwait

Good Advise Berrybean IF taken this time.

heavencanwait

I call it Groundhog Day. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Bottom line.

sweetichick

I'm not coming off another drunk. I have been sober 8 days. And the last Aa meeting I went to said it was the first drink that does the damage.

AnvilheadII

and so what is your PLAN to not TAKE that first drink? to date, nothing seems to have helped you achieve lasting sobriety.

Meraviglioso

For a start sweetichick has come here and posted about an event of concern BEFORE it has arrived, I'd call that progress.
Awesome stuff sweetichick, good for you for recognising that payday is going to be an issue- as it has been for you in the past and is for others. You have recognised that and reached out here, that is definitely a step in the right direction. You also know from experience that now, just not doing anything else, is not the answer, so what can you do to take this a step further?
I think that you are right that hit is the first drink. That is the case for all of us alcoholics. Once we have just one it is down the hole we go and we are back to square one.
What about looking up AA meetings for tomorrow? Keep yourself busy with recovery work instead of sitting around and thinking about the new influx of spending money you have. You could use tomorrow to try out multiple new meetings. You can come on here and post all day long for support. Get your bills paid right away. What about spending the money on something positive for you? Set up that appointment with the psychologist and pre-pay. Go get your hair done. Go on a good food shop and get some really healthy foods.
It is not always going to be this hard sweetichick, you just have to get out of the cycle. And I believe you can.

DontRemember

How about instead of buying booze(or cigs?) you pay some bills with the money? I know booze and cigs are cheaper than say a car payment,currently...Those cost add up over time though...and it's crap you 'don't need'..it's crap you 'want'..need vs want? Seems like an easy to make logical decision,but I know nothing is 'logical/easy' when in active addiction(been there myself!). 8 days IS great! May I ask if it was only for lack of funds that got you to 8days?

sweetichick

No when I got the high interest loan there was money left over. I actively chose not to drink. I paid a bill instead and bought a few other things. I've budgeted my bills now to be automatically deducted fortnightly so I can't get behind again. Plus only 6 smokes a day. Its tough having to grow and face responsibility. Not smoking is the hardest. I know what you mean about need versus want. I was previously prioritizing booze and smokes first.

Hawkeye13

I agree you are posting before, and that's great.

I think Mera has offered some good suggestions to avoid temptation
It does get easier with time--just gotta get those first few months

sweetichick

Thanks for the encouragement Mera. Im going grocery shopping soon and have healthy recipes planned. No skimping on food to buy booze. I am buying a cheap new dress as a reward for the 8 days. I really hope this is the end of the cycle. The worry with my car was that they may have gone for my house to get all their money back. Really scary. That's funny what you said about thinking about the influx of money..so true today.

Meraviglioso

Great stuff with the healthy recipes. And a nice dress will be sure to cheer you up some. How about a nice shower and doing your hair? Take care of yourself.
I do think that adding some other things to the mix are going to be key. How about an AA meeting... or four And what about following up with that rehab place about the counsellor? I know that for me therapy has been essential to my recovery. I have so much other stuff in the mix in addition to my alcoholism. All of this must be your decision though and only you can make the right moves here. I know you will when you can. I know you will. I just hope for your sake it is sooner rather than later. I only tell you this from my own personal experience- so no judgements here- but just simply white knuckling it does not work for long for those of us so deep into our addiction. I struggled for years, getting deeper and deeper until I finally bit the bullet and went to rehab. I had just had enough. Keep checking in here. I'm off to bed here soon but I really hope to wake up tomorrow and read that you got through this tough challenge. For it is a tough challenge for you, and none of us can really know what your personal battle is like. You are among friends though and we all want to see you succeed.

DontRemember

I'm trying to kick cigs also.. It's hard! Yesterday was my lowest amount smoked since I started Chantix(crazy/wild dreams!!) and I had 14. I was up to about 38/day when I started the meds. I do know and even told a buddy yesterday that; " I know from stopping drinking, I WILL have to 'whiteknuckle it a few days and I'm almost ready to do that." Sunday is 'publicly set' as my last day,but I'm going to try not to smoke Friday and get those 1st couple days out of the way.