AA meetings triggering PTSD, anxiety, and depression?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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AA meetings triggering PTSD, anxiety, and depression?
Im 5 months sober after many years of relapses and Im finally surrendering that I need to go to meetings for help.
For those here that attend/attended meetings: did they trigger intense emotional symptoms?
I'm 100% sure I need to attend meetings. Not debating that. I'm just a little disturbed by the increase in PTSD symptoms and intense emotions beforehand and following a meeting. For example, I get hypervigilant (jumpy, scared of everything), followed by deep relaxation - it's central nervous system arousal then exhaustion. I'm also remembering things out of nowhere. It makes me worry that I'm about to see something I don't want to see.
I have a therapist and have been to the doctor. I'm also practicing good self care.
Just wondering if anyone else experienced this?
For those here that attend/attended meetings: did they trigger intense emotional symptoms?
I'm 100% sure I need to attend meetings. Not debating that. I'm just a little disturbed by the increase in PTSD symptoms and intense emotions beforehand and following a meeting. For example, I get hypervigilant (jumpy, scared of everything), followed by deep relaxation - it's central nervous system arousal then exhaustion. I'm also remembering things out of nowhere. It makes me worry that I'm about to see something I don't want to see.
I have a therapist and have been to the doctor. I'm also practicing good self care.
Just wondering if anyone else experienced this?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes.
I had many bad reactions to AA meetings due to PTSD.
Same-gender meetings were better. (I'm female.) I sat against the wall, facing the door, and tried to leave seats between me and others. Some meetings I had to get up and leave.
In the end, I stopped going to meetings after several months and found other sources of healing.
I had many bad reactions to AA meetings due to PTSD.
Same-gender meetings were better. (I'm female.) I sat against the wall, facing the door, and tried to leave seats between me and others. Some meetings I had to get up and leave.
In the end, I stopped going to meetings after several months and found other sources of healing.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I have only experienced this once at a meeting. A female member went into graphic details of sexual abuse she suffered as a child. I felt sick and shakey so discretely left and went and sat quietly with a cup of tea to recover. I am not sure why it triggered me, I haven't suffered SA. It was more the emotions she was giving off that hit a raw place in me.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 60
Hi there
I too have PTSD. Meetings can be difficult especially if you're not comfortable in groups. I would suggest either finding a friend to go with you to open meetings a few times and then from there, branch out to meetings with people that you feel comfortable with from the open meeting.
Bimiinblue has some very good points. I always sit in the back when I'm by myself, near the door, or at least the restroom. There have been times where I have had to sneak out and have a smoke or Vape. People aren't going to judge you. It's the last place where anyone should.
I too have PTSD. Meetings can be difficult especially if you're not comfortable in groups. I would suggest either finding a friend to go with you to open meetings a few times and then from there, branch out to meetings with people that you feel comfortable with from the open meeting.
Bimiinblue has some very good points. I always sit in the back when I'm by myself, near the door, or at least the restroom. There have been times where I have had to sneak out and have a smoke or Vape. People aren't going to judge you. It's the last place where anyone should.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
my emotions were all over the place early on. some things i heard at meetings brought back memories of things i hadnt thought of in a long time- things i used to try and drink away. hell yes it made me feel bad!
HOWEVER
i found a great solution in the steps. i was able to use the steps to look at my past and learn about me from it- learn what makes me tick- then how to changed me.
with T.I.M.E. AND working the steps, my emotional state settled down. my mental state became more even and sane,too.
and the promises of the steps- ALL of them- happened for me.
on this:
It makes me worry that I'm about to see something I don't want to see.
were the somethings things ya tried to drink away or drink to forget?
HOWEVER
i found a great solution in the steps. i was able to use the steps to look at my past and learn about me from it- learn what makes me tick- then how to changed me.
with T.I.M.E. AND working the steps, my emotional state settled down. my mental state became more even and sane,too.
and the promises of the steps- ALL of them- happened for me.
on this:
It makes me worry that I'm about to see something I don't want to see.
were the somethings things ya tried to drink away or drink to forget?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
my emotions were all over the place early on. some things i heard at meetings brought back memories of things i hadnt thought of in a long time- things i used to try and drink away. hell yes it made me feel bad!
HOWEVER
i found a great solution in the steps. i was able to use the steps to look at my past and learn about me from it- learn what makes me tick- then how to changed me.
with T.I.M.E. AND working the steps, my emotional state settled down. my mental state became more even and sane,too.
and the promises of the steps- ALL of them- happened for me.
on this:
It makes me worry that I'm about to see something I don't want to see.
were the somethings things ya tried to drink away or drink to forget?
HOWEVER
i found a great solution in the steps. i was able to use the steps to look at my past and learn about me from it- learn what makes me tick- then how to changed me.
with T.I.M.E. AND working the steps, my emotional state settled down. my mental state became more even and sane,too.
and the promises of the steps- ALL of them- happened for me.
on this:
It makes me worry that I'm about to see something I don't want to see.
were the somethings things ya tried to drink away or drink to forget?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Please keep the replies coming
Thanks for other responses - it's great to know I'm not alone. PTSD has some scary, nerve wracking symptoms. But my intuition tells me that when my symptoms flare up is also when I'm doing some good healing "work." I hope that makes sense!
Anyone else have emotional symptoms from AA and/or early sobriety?
Anyone else have emotional symptoms from AA and/or early sobriety?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Not sure if you'd call it PTSD as such, but certainly lots of stuff that id been stuffing away for years came bubbling up to the surface (think bubbling swamp rather than soda) in early sobriety. Doing my step work in AA with a sponsor was a chance to sort through a lot of this stuff - like a mental and emotional spring clean. Like lots of physical spring clean it also highlighted to me some areas where it was probably time to get the experts in to give me some support. Its taken a while for me to access that and I started with a new counsellor last week for those things. I did see a counsellor before my step work, but at that time I wasn't really able to talk honestly about anything - let along what needed to talk about, so it was of very limited use as I just projected a sanitised version of myself at her. I suspect that this time round will be more difficult in some ways, but a lot more useful. That's what I'm hoping anyway. And I'm not sure I'd have been ready for this without the step work.
Of course, walking into meetings is initially very scary. That situation causes anxiety in most everyone when they start going to meetings. Perhaps the turning stuff over in your head is fear. And your A/V looking for excuses for why you don't need all that (which is what I thought) or trying to prepare yourself for an introductary monologue (which I also did - quite unnecessarily, as we don't actually have to say anything at all in a meeting if we don't want. Sitting and listening is fine.) Even when we do share, in meetings we tend not to go into too much detail - we save that for talking with our sponsors, or perhaps other AAers that we form a relationship of trust with eventually. I'm not sure why the person mentioned elsewhere in the thread felt that a group meeting was the place to share those more graphic details of sexual abuse. My stuff that i spoke to the counsellor about last week, well I'd all alluded to it in step work, but I'd never told anyone. Not a soul since it happened 28 years ago the actual details of what happened. I didn't want to upset anyone with it. Or risk some kind of dismissive reaction I suppose. Anyway. At least I'm able to even start to work with a counsellor with some degree of honesty now. I'm a survivor apparently. It'll be nice to start actually feeling like one. It's like over the last few years I've been slowly taking off some cumbersome and unnecessary armour bit by bit (and AS and step work have helped me do that) but I've still been clinging to perhaps the shield or the helmet. But I'm ready to lose that last but now, with some professional help anyway.. AA is not a cure all, but it has been instrumental in enabling me to recognise what I do need more help with me, and being courageous and willing to seek that help, and in being honest enough to make the most of it now I've got it.
BB
Of course, walking into meetings is initially very scary. That situation causes anxiety in most everyone when they start going to meetings. Perhaps the turning stuff over in your head is fear. And your A/V looking for excuses for why you don't need all that (which is what I thought) or trying to prepare yourself for an introductary monologue (which I also did - quite unnecessarily, as we don't actually have to say anything at all in a meeting if we don't want. Sitting and listening is fine.) Even when we do share, in meetings we tend not to go into too much detail - we save that for talking with our sponsors, or perhaps other AAers that we form a relationship of trust with eventually. I'm not sure why the person mentioned elsewhere in the thread felt that a group meeting was the place to share those more graphic details of sexual abuse. My stuff that i spoke to the counsellor about last week, well I'd all alluded to it in step work, but I'd never told anyone. Not a soul since it happened 28 years ago the actual details of what happened. I didn't want to upset anyone with it. Or risk some kind of dismissive reaction I suppose. Anyway. At least I'm able to even start to work with a counsellor with some degree of honesty now. I'm a survivor apparently. It'll be nice to start actually feeling like one. It's like over the last few years I've been slowly taking off some cumbersome and unnecessary armour bit by bit (and AS and step work have helped me do that) but I've still been clinging to perhaps the shield or the helmet. But I'm ready to lose that last but now, with some professional help anyway.. AA is not a cure all, but it has been instrumental in enabling me to recognise what I do need more help with me, and being courageous and willing to seek that help, and in being honest enough to make the most of it now I've got it.
BB
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Thank you BerryBean
I appreciate your sharing and you make great points. I think step work is also going to unpack some stuff for me that I will need to work on with my therapist. Since alcohol was one of the things I used to escape and stay in control (or so I thought), it makes sense that stepping into vulnerable situations such as AA triggers some fear that I might finally lose control and let it all out. It's a fairly common fear that if we open up, it's going to come rushing out uncontrollably like Niagara falls. I'll tell myself like I tell friends - it's probably not going to come flooding out, and if so, we must have needed the emotional cleanse.
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Earl Hightower (or Earl H)is one of the AA speakers who spring to mind regarding PTSD. I think I first heard him via YouTube but there are certainly some recordings of him on here.... https://www.recoveryaudio.org
Might be worth a listen. He's pretty funny and inspirational as well. I thought so anyway.
BB
Might be worth a listen. He's pretty funny and inspirational as well. I thought so anyway.
BB
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Yes.
I had many bad reactions to AA meetings due to PTSD.
Same-gender meetings were better. (I'm female.) I sat against the wall, facing the door, and tried to leave seats between me and others. Some meetings I had to get up and leave.
In the end, I stopped going to meetings after several months and found other sources of healing.
I had many bad reactions to AA meetings due to PTSD.
Same-gender meetings were better. (I'm female.) I sat against the wall, facing the door, and tried to leave seats between me and others. Some meetings I had to get up and leave.
In the end, I stopped going to meetings after several months and found other sources of healing.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by hpdw
Likewise . AA served me only now and then but I started to discover I was coming home feeling very unsettled and eventually stopped going .I was to stay sober about another year .
This site is really helpful to me, there is a lot of collective wisdom here. There is also heavy moderation here - which would be a good thing in AA meetings, IMHO.
*edit to say, oh, I just saw your signature.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
I'm happily sober still at almost four years, and I only went to AA meetings for the first 3-4 months.
This site is really helpful to me, there is a lot of collective wisdom here. There is also heavy moderation here - which would be a good thing in AA meetings, IMHO.
This site is really helpful to me, there is a lot of collective wisdom here. There is also heavy moderation here - which would be a good thing in AA meetings, IMHO.
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Originally Posted by Berrybean
Earl Hightower (or Earl H)is one of the AA speakers who spring to mind regarding PTSD. I think I first heard him via YouTube but there are certainly some recordings of him on here.... https://www.recoveryaudio.org
Might be worth a listen. He's pretty funny and inspirational as well. I thought so anyway.
BB
Might be worth a listen. He's pretty funny and inspirational as well. I thought so anyway.
BB
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
This time around I am 118 days sober .
I think AA saves many and would recommend trying some meetings . Depending where you live there are usually a few venues to chose from and you shouldn't judge AA on one visit . I have witnessed a huge difference from one meeting to another .
Looking back it was ME that was the problem not AA , I found it difficult dealing with ME , for example I used to tremble when it came to my turn to speak even though I knew I didn't have to say anything I always felt I should push my self to do so . I would ruminate over what I said for hours and wondered if I said the wrong thing or could I have said it different so you see it wasn't the fellowship that needed fixing it was ME .
I think AA saves many and would recommend trying some meetings . Depending where you live there are usually a few venues to chose from and you shouldn't judge AA on one visit . I have witnessed a huge difference from one meeting to another .
Looking back it was ME that was the problem not AA , I found it difficult dealing with ME , for example I used to tremble when it came to my turn to speak even though I knew I didn't have to say anything I always felt I should push my self to do so . I would ruminate over what I said for hours and wondered if I said the wrong thing or could I have said it different so you see it wasn't the fellowship that needed fixing it was ME .
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Location: Miami, FL
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I have been to thousands of meetings over the last two decades, and usually leave feeling a little depressed, a bit alone, and less hopeful.
A sponsor told me, you do not go to meetings to feel good, so I stuck it out. I found going less often lessened the negative emotions. Also, when I have to share in a roundrobin, I do not sweeten my share--which helps. But it never feels good.
But I do not think it has to feel good to be good for me. It is a constant reminder that I do not have it all together and need to continue the work of recovery. I don't need hope and happiness--I need commitment to recovery.
A sponsor told me, you do not go to meetings to feel good, so I stuck it out. I found going less often lessened the negative emotions. Also, when I have to share in a roundrobin, I do not sweeten my share--which helps. But it never feels good.
But I do not think it has to feel good to be good for me. It is a constant reminder that I do not have it all together and need to continue the work of recovery. I don't need hope and happiness--I need commitment to recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by hpdw
This time around I am 118 days sober .
I think AA saves many and would recommend trying some meetings . Depending where you live there are usually a few venues to chose from and you shouldn't judge AA on one visit . I have witnessed a huge difference from one meeting to another .
Looking back it was ME that was the problem not AA , I found it difficult dealing with ME , for example I used to tremble when it came to my turn to speak even though I knew I didn't have to say anything I always felt I should push my self to do so . I would ruminate over what I said for hours and wondered if I said the wrong thing or could I have said it different so you see it wasn't the fellowship that needed fixing it was ME .
I think AA saves many and would recommend trying some meetings . Depending where you live there are usually a few venues to chose from and you shouldn't judge AA on one visit . I have witnessed a huge difference from one meeting to another .
Looking back it was ME that was the problem not AA , I found it difficult dealing with ME , for example I used to tremble when it came to my turn to speak even though I knew I didn't have to say anything I always felt I should push my self to do so . I would ruminate over what I said for hours and wondered if I said the wrong thing or could I have said it different so you see it wasn't the fellowship that needed fixing it was ME .
I also think it's not AA, it's me. I'm continuing to go and keeping my mind and heart non-judgemental.
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Originally Posted by miamifella
I have been to thousands of meetings over the last two decades, and usually leave feeling a little depressed, a bit alone, and less hopeful.
A sponsor told me, you do not go to meetings to feel good, so I stuck it out. I found going less often lessened the negative emotions. Also, when I have to share in a roundrobin, I do not sweeten my share--which helps. But it never feels good.
But I do not think it has to feel good to be good for me. It is a constant reminder that I do not have it all together and need to continue the work of recovery. I don't need hope and happiness--I need commitment to recovery.
A sponsor told me, you do not go to meetings to feel good, so I stuck it out. I found going less often lessened the negative emotions. Also, when I have to share in a roundrobin, I do not sweeten my share--which helps. But it never feels good.
But I do not think it has to feel good to be good for me. It is a constant reminder that I do not have it all together and need to continue the work of recovery. I don't need hope and happiness--I need commitment to recovery.
"I do not think it has to feel good to be good for me." So true.
I appreciate your input!
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