Bought a homeless guy a beer..
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Bought a homeless guy a beer..
Been a bit of a hectic morning and I haven't really had time to 'think' until now. I stopped by the store late this morning to grab some 'supplies' for the weekend,so I can just hang around and be lazy. There was a very dirty,obviously homeless, guy about my age outside asking for "spare change". I had zero cash on me and was driving my project truck,so no change in it either,all I had was bank cards. I told him I had "no cash,but what are you trying to buy?"..Of course he was quiet with his answer/didn't say anything, so I asked "A beer?" and his eyes lit up! I bought him a tallboy Miller(His request). $2.09(US)+tax but,now I'm conflicted about doing that. On one hand; I give homeless people cash all the time and do not care what they spend it on. Once it leaves my hand it's theirs to use as they see fit. On the other; I physically handed this obviously struggling soul a big can of beer and it makes it a little more 'real' to me as to what/where the money goes.. Just another rambling on, of random thoughts from me. Have a great weekend everyone!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
It is good of you that you give homeless people some money. I know someone on SR that makes really nice sandwiches and gives them to the homeless which is a good idea.
I expect some of those homeless are homeless because of drug and alcohol issues and some would like to drink or use to escape for a while.
I expect some of those homeless are homeless because of drug and alcohol issues and some would like to drink or use to escape for a while.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
But you only gave him one....once he drank that....it'd be torture trying to find the rest.
I gave a guy a sealed packet of roll up tobacco. The gratitude was huge, but he could use and sell the rest and do something with the money.
It's easy to walk past guys like this, it's easy to think they're faking it.....usually they're not. Just a little from you can make a huge difference to their day. It's
not just the money either.....it's the fact you saw them as another person and helped, instead of an ugly object in the street.
I gave a guy a sealed packet of roll up tobacco. The gratitude was huge, but he could use and sell the rest and do something with the money.
It's easy to walk past guys like this, it's easy to think they're faking it.....usually they're not. Just a little from you can make a huge difference to their day. It's
not just the money either.....it's the fact you saw them as another person and helped, instead of an ugly object in the street.
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Originally Posted by saoutchik 
It is good of you that you give homeless people some money. I know someone on SR that makes really nice sandwiches and gives them to the homeless which is a good idea.
I expect some of those homeless are homeless because of drug and alcohol issues and some would like to drink or use to escape for a while.
I expect some of those homeless are homeless because of drug and alcohol issues and some would like to drink or use to escape for a while.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Originally Posted by canguy
But you only gave him one....once he drank that....it'd be torture trying to find the rest.
I gave a guy a sealed packet of roll up tobacco. The gratitude was huge, but he could use and sell the rest and do something with the money.
It's easy to walk past guys like this, it's easy to think they're faking it.....usually they're not. Just a little from you can make a huge difference to their day. It's
not just the money either.....it's the fact you saw them as another person and helped, instead of an ugly object in the street.
I gave a guy a sealed packet of roll up tobacco. The gratitude was huge, but he could use and sell the rest and do something with the money.
It's easy to walk past guys like this, it's easy to think they're faking it.....usually they're not. Just a little from you can make a huge difference to their day. It's
not just the money either.....it's the fact you saw them as another person and helped, instead of an ugly object in the street.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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In Newport, RI, one evening, I saw two sailors pouring liquor down the throat of a homeless man from a flask. Literally, holding the mans head up and mouth open and pouring it down his throat. Thankfully, a police officer came buy just at that moment.
When I see homeless man and women, I will stop and buy them a sandwich and a cup of coffee or direct the to our local ministry where they can shower and wash their clothes for free.
I hope that on those occasions when my alcoholic/addict stepson is homeless, someone would feed him...not buy him a beer.
When I see homeless man and women, I will stop and buy them a sandwich and a cup of coffee or direct the to our local ministry where they can shower and wash their clothes for free.
I hope that on those occasions when my alcoholic/addict stepson is homeless, someone would feed him...not buy him a beer.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Wow - interesting share. I don't think I'd ever buy someone alcohol....and I quit giving money a long time ago. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I have bought (one time, offered a fresh pizza walked straight out of the store) food. I became jaded living in a medium size town with a huge homeless problem, and particularly the same people with the same story/act in one stretch of downtown that's very touristy....it looks really different if you're a resident.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Yeah.....well, there is the story of the beach full of stranded starfish. Guy picks up one and throws it back into the sea. "What's the point?' his companion asks.
"Sure made a difference for that one" he answers.
You can't fix everything. But maybe make one day go a bit easier for another.
"Sure made a difference for that one" he answers.
You can't fix everything. But maybe make one day go a bit easier for another.
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Originally Posted by August252015
Wow - interesting share. I don't think I'd ever buy someone alcohol....and I quit giving money a long time ago. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I have bought (one time, offered a fresh pizza walked straight out of the store) food. I became jaded living in a medium size town with a huge homeless problem, and particularly the same people with the same story/act in one stretch of downtown that's very touristy....it looks really different if you're a resident.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 60
I've done it a couple of times. On one hand, I feel like I'm taking 15 minutes off of the person's life. On the other hand, I've gone through some horrid withdrawl symptoms. At least I had shelter with a locking door and a bed.
There's just certain situations that hit a nerve with me.
There's just certain situations that hit a nerve with me.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I've given homeless folks food before. Or offered to buy it for them. Most often, it's refused. I find a pretty significant lot of them are angling for money for drugs or alcohol.
While I understand their lot and the need to get their DOC in them - I won't be a part of enabling that and continuing it.
Just my opinion, but I don't think buying homeless folks alcohol is a gesture of goodwill.
While I understand their lot and the need to get their DOC in them - I won't be a part of enabling that and continuing it.
Just my opinion, but I don't think buying homeless folks alcohol is a gesture of goodwill.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 43
Abraham Lincoln never judged anyone, when they caught the deserters and wanted to punish them he said “no, had I been in their shoes, I may have done the same thing”
DontRemember, it may not seem right to others, but you did what you thought was right at the time, kindness is more effective than condemnation.
DontRemember, it may not seem right to others, but you did what you thought was right at the time, kindness is more effective than condemnation.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: London(ish)
Posts: 202
You probably made the guy feel human for the first time in a while so I’d say it was worth it.
I try not to judge because frankly there but for the grace of God go I. So many rough sleepers have mental health issues and most round our way have been in and out of care since they were children. What separates me from them is nothing more than a couple of lucky breaks in life.
I try not to judge because frankly there but for the grace of God go I. So many rough sleepers have mental health issues and most round our way have been in and out of care since they were children. What separates me from them is nothing more than a couple of lucky breaks in life.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Unfortunately the homeless situation is also very bad in my borough, people with mental health problems, ex-military, ex-offenders and of course people with drug and alcohol addiction. Being the real world many of these are overlapping groups that would make for a complex Venn diagram.
Apart from one time a number of years ago when I was trying to quit, bought a bottle of scotch, changed my mind and gave it to a group of guys where at least it would have been shared, I have not purchased alcohol since but I'm sure giving money may have meant the same thing however ON BALANCE I would rather treat the person as human and an adult.
I do not believe any response is perfect although I guess a donation to a homeless charity would be it.
Apart from one time a number of years ago when I was trying to quit, bought a bottle of scotch, changed my mind and gave it to a group of guys where at least it would have been shared, I have not purchased alcohol since but I'm sure giving money may have meant the same thing however ON BALANCE I would rather treat the person as human and an adult.
I do not believe any response is perfect although I guess a donation to a homeless charity would be it.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I met a guy once who was a homeless crackhead for a time. He was sitting on the beach once with a crack pipe in his mouth and a cop came up to him and told him that if he hit that pipe the cop was going to shoot him.
He took the hit. Cop got called away on an emergency before anything could happen.
A few days later a woman gave him money and an address. He bought some drugs and then went to the address.
It was an NA meeting.
He's now the secretary of my local meeting, has a sweet house in a nice neighborhood, and drives a Jag.
A tiny gesture can change a life.
The homeless are people too. Even though I see them constantly I try and speak to them when I can. Just that little bit of human contact can make a huge difference. Most people look through them and pretend they're not there.
There's a guy that sleeps on the sidewalk near the train station, I've seen him a few times now. I've been wondering if I should give him money. Basically I kinda think that it's not for me to decide how they spend any money that they get, but I wonder how I might be more helpful than letting them buy their next beer or hit. I need to buy some cheap but warm blankets, I know someone that keeps them in her car in case somebody needs one. It's a good idea. He'll get the first one.
Maybe he's my starfish.
He took the hit. Cop got called away on an emergency before anything could happen.
A few days later a woman gave him money and an address. He bought some drugs and then went to the address.
It was an NA meeting.
He's now the secretary of my local meeting, has a sweet house in a nice neighborhood, and drives a Jag.
A tiny gesture can change a life.
The homeless are people too. Even though I see them constantly I try and speak to them when I can. Just that little bit of human contact can make a huge difference. Most people look through them and pretend they're not there.
There's a guy that sleeps on the sidewalk near the train station, I've seen him a few times now. I've been wondering if I should give him money. Basically I kinda think that it's not for me to decide how they spend any money that they get, but I wonder how I might be more helpful than letting them buy their next beer or hit. I need to buy some cheap but warm blankets, I know someone that keeps them in her car in case somebody needs one. It's a good idea. He'll get the first one.
Maybe he's my starfish.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Soooooo...the same guy was there again today. I go in and get my stuff and when I come out he asks me "did you get me a can?". I looked at him like he had two heads and said "not today,man". I did give him some change out of my car though..probably $2. I might offer to buy him a nice lunch/dinner if he'll attend a meeting with me...is that wrong to do? I know it's not my place and you can't force/bribe someone to get/want to be sober,but just a thought I had on the way home. Thoughts?? He seems like a cool guy..just lost in addiction.
Edit: I was in another car of mine and he still knew who I was. He even asked how many cars I have.. I told him I was an alcoholic in recovery and without the recovery I'd have no cars. I talked to him for about 15min about my recovery and he was in and out the whole time. I think a lot of the homeless in my area are smoking that "spice" crap that fries your brain. He was staring at the sky when I pulled off.
Edit: I was in another car of mine and he still knew who I was. He even asked how many cars I have.. I told him I was an alcoholic in recovery and without the recovery I'd have no cars. I talked to him for about 15min about my recovery and he was in and out the whole time. I think a lot of the homeless in my area are smoking that "spice" crap that fries your brain. He was staring at the sky when I pulled off.
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Originally Posted by saoutchik
Some good posts here. Hard to offer advice without seeing what your seeing DR but I don't think it would do any harm to suggest lunch/meeting.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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I think inviting him to a meeting sounds like a really nice idea. I think a lot of people in tough situations really appreciate company and having people treat them as human, remembering that is is not only basic needs that matter in order to feel good and worthy.
I think I have mentioned the group of refugees I have befriended and try to help. I do things like buy them food, take them clothes, buy diapers and toys for the kids, flu shots, things like that. But I know what they appear to appreciate the most is the time and companionship I put in. I go with them to help interpret at important appointments with the lawyers who we have found to help them with their asylum application, at the local government offices to get their paperwork straight, at the hospital when they were giving birth, I have attended birthday parties and baptisms.
I helped fix up their home which they were much appreciative of. When my mom sent over some money to help with supplies we went on a shopping spree at Ikea, I encouraged the lady of the house to get some "frivolous" stuff to treat herself- a throw pillow, a couple of picture frames, a candle. She had a really hard time making that decision to spend some of her money that way but was really happy when she got home and had something "non-essential" to just enjoy for the sake of enjoying of it.
the most special things we have spent together have just been hanging out like normal people. I took one of the ladies and her baby to my beach club for the day. She loved it! She of course had seen the mediterranean, on her tragic and horrific voyage over (I'll spare you the details, but trust me...) but her baby had not and we had a wonderful day playing in the sea and the pool, having lunch on the beach, etc. Another time me and a friend bought all the ladies in the group tickets to see Mary J. Blige and Erykah Badu and a local summer music festival. We had a girls night out and had a blast!
All of this to say, people definitely need to have their essential needs met first, but sometimes, just doing something splurge-like and special, particularly when it involves giving your time to spend time with them, is really what touches people and lifts their spirits.
I think offering to take him to a meeting and then treating him to a lunch would be a fabulous idea. But even if he won't go to a meeting, if you really feel touched by him, an offer for a decent meal, in a restaurant, treated like a human being, would be a very nice offer.
I think I have mentioned the group of refugees I have befriended and try to help. I do things like buy them food, take them clothes, buy diapers and toys for the kids, flu shots, things like that. But I know what they appear to appreciate the most is the time and companionship I put in. I go with them to help interpret at important appointments with the lawyers who we have found to help them with their asylum application, at the local government offices to get their paperwork straight, at the hospital when they were giving birth, I have attended birthday parties and baptisms.
I helped fix up their home which they were much appreciative of. When my mom sent over some money to help with supplies we went on a shopping spree at Ikea, I encouraged the lady of the house to get some "frivolous" stuff to treat herself- a throw pillow, a couple of picture frames, a candle. She had a really hard time making that decision to spend some of her money that way but was really happy when she got home and had something "non-essential" to just enjoy for the sake of enjoying of it.
the most special things we have spent together have just been hanging out like normal people. I took one of the ladies and her baby to my beach club for the day. She loved it! She of course had seen the mediterranean, on her tragic and horrific voyage over (I'll spare you the details, but trust me...) but her baby had not and we had a wonderful day playing in the sea and the pool, having lunch on the beach, etc. Another time me and a friend bought all the ladies in the group tickets to see Mary J. Blige and Erykah Badu and a local summer music festival. We had a girls night out and had a blast!
All of this to say, people definitely need to have their essential needs met first, but sometimes, just doing something splurge-like and special, particularly when it involves giving your time to spend time with them, is really what touches people and lifts their spirits.
I think offering to take him to a meeting and then treating him to a lunch would be a fabulous idea. But even if he won't go to a meeting, if you really feel touched by him, an offer for a decent meal, in a restaurant, treated like a human being, would be a very nice offer.
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