Sinderos

I had 2 drinks last night. Yeah it was not real smart, but I’ve never stopped at 2 so that is an improvement. Thanksgiving has me really down. I know just an excuse and I shouldn’t have drank.

Thankfully my sponsor texted me this morning to check on me. I asked her about aa meetings tomorrow. She’s chairing one at noon so I’m going to go to that.

Afterwards I will go home and prepare my thanksgiving lunch. It makes me so sad thinking about eating thanksgiving alone. Making it through tomorrow sober will make me feel really good about myself.

ScottFromWI

Maybe you should check and see if there is a thanksgiving community dinner in your area that you could volunteer at. Most places do and they might be hosted at a church or school, and it gives you a chance to not only help others but also spend time with people who also might otherwise be alone.

Also - while stopping at 2 was "better" than drinking a whole bunch certainly, don't minimize the fact that you drank. If you truly want to get better you need to start using the tools you have around you so that you don't drink in the first place. For example, you could have texted your sponsor last night instead of waiting for her to text you this AM, right? Or you could have called some numbers instead of drinking. Also - are you still keeping alcohol in your house? If so it would be a good idea to get rid of it all - you won't be needing it, right? Especially if you are still taking the librium - it's a very bad idea to have even one drink.

PinnacleOR

Agree with ScottfromWI, maybe consider getting out on Thanksgiving and getting out of your own head being alone! I live alone too and being alone is a trigger for me. Being alone on a holiday only exacerbates it for me. Luckily this year for Thanksgiving I will be with my family, Christmas however will be a different story. I will need to find some way to enjoy that holiday while helping others to get out of my own pity party.

Sinderos

I don’t have any alcohol at all I’m my house. I am definitely NOT down playing the fact I drank. However I could have easily drank 3 or 4 more. I went to my local spot as soon as I got off at 9:15 pm. It wasn’t a planned trip to drink. I hadn’t taken the Librium in several hours. Tonight I will be taking the medicine at 8:00 so that I will not have any desire to go drink. (Fear of an interaction will keep me from drinking while I know it’s in my system.)

The Librium is really helping. I didn’t take it until 9 this morning because I’m trying to only take it 3 times today. My anxiety was pretty bad. I will take my last dose of the day at 8 pm while still at work so I won’t be tempted to go to the bar.

Scott I know you mean well, but sometimes your responses make me feel like you’re being judgmental. it is very discouraging to me and brings me down. I truly am trying. I didn’t drink anything Monday. Only 2 yesterday and no intention on drinking today. I’m actively trying to plan for tomorrow so I can succeed in a sober thanksgiving day.

As far as volunteering, I searched yesterday for somewhere to volunteer. I couldn’t find a spot. There is a large aa gathering at a meeting I’ve never been to that will have lunch afterwards. My sponsor can’t go because she’s chairing another meeting. I am not in a place mentally where I can walk into a room of 100+ people that I don’t know and not have major anxiety. I’m sticking with the aa meeting my sponsor will be at.

tomsteve

if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.

do you want what we have?
do you know what it is we have?
are you willing to go to ANY length to get it?
are you willing to go to ANY length for victory over alcohol?

ScottFromWI

My intention is not to judge you at all. I am an alcoholic just like you and face many of the same problems you face - I am also diagnosed with Anxiety along with my alcohol problem so I understand that completely as well.

My intention is to point out the realities of getting sober, which each and every one of us face. And sometimes those realities are not what we want to hear, and it is uncomfortable to hear them. For example you mention that you have no intention of drinking today - I would suspect you had no intention of drinking yesterday either, did you? The fact that you"only drank 2" might seem like a good thing on one level, but it's going to be important for you to accept that drinking even one sip is not a good thing, ever.

We are all here to support you, just as we are here to support each and every other member on SR.

Stayingsassy

I don’t think Scott was being judgmental, just stating the fact of alcoholism, one is too many and a thousand is never enough. One day is 2 drinks, another day is 20. The two can be even more dangerous becusde it fools you into thinking you have it under control, which adds yet another day of drinking, which compounds the addiction in your brain.

Hope you can find a way to make thanksgiving more rewarding, there are lots of volunteer opportunities available for the poor, for children, for animals: if not Thursday then maybe over the weekend....

DarklingSong

Sinderos, I hope you won't get disheartened. The early stages of getting sober is hell in my experience. Just keep trying. I remember how raw I felt and every word someone said was like a knife in the heart. Drinking does that.....everything is blown out of proportion. The addicted brain just doesn't work properly. It really does get easier- all you need to do is take action towards staying sober, don't overthink things and honestly things will get better.
We are on your side.
Support to you.

DontRemember

May I ask what led you to your 'local spot' and what were you searching for? I do and have for years done business with a lot of bar owners(imagine that! An alchy with access to free booze.) in my town. Now I only go for business and mainly work with two owners that have years of sobriety under their belt. I have zero desire to go 'hangout' at their establishments even with the "You don't have a tab." No matter what I order. I'm not judging..just really curious why you went there.

Sinderos

I’m very fragile at the moment. Am I making excuses? NO! I am telling you all what happened. What my frame of mind is and my sincere desire to quit drinking. The responses on this post are putting me in tears. I’m going off of SR for a few days so I can maintain sobriety without feeling I’m going all about it the wrong way.

I was actually getting really proud of myself for finding a reason to be happy and productive on a day that I once found super special, but felt the meaning was lost for me.

This strand literally has me crying from feeling like a failure.

I’ll be back in a few days when I’m stronger.

Anna

Sinderos, I'm sorry you are feeling down. I removed one post. But, I think members are trying to help you by pointing out things that they may have encountered, struggled with, and overcome.

DarklingSong

Do come back......that is what SR is for in my opinion, to support and connect with others grappling with this damn addiction. I really do relate to the struggle and the rawness you are experiencing right now. I felt like that for weeks when getting sober. I hope you feel better soon.

ScottFromWI

I hope you don't leave - these are the times when you need more support, not less. You have another wonderful thread going on about your plans for tomorrow and should be quite proud of all the progress you've made today alone.

Dee74

Sinderos I think the next couple of days are the time you'll need SR the most.
Your addiction would like nothing better than to get you alone over Thanksgiving.

I know the times I drank 'like a gentleman' and stopped at a couple ,nothing bad happened were the worst for me because for days after my AV was all 'there, see - you can drink responsibly!...lets do it again!'

I think people are trying to share their concern for you is all.

This is care and concern, not judgement.
You've been making real progress and noone wants to see you go back the other way.

Most of us have been exactly were you are - stick around - we're in this together

D

JJ991

Sinderos, I hope you come back.

I'm pretty new to this site, and I actually think it can take a while to get used to it. I see the regulars that post & they have different personalities. Initially I found some quite harsh but now I know that is their way. Everyone really is trying to help.

I think it depends on you too. Tough love clearly isn't working right now but there might be a time when you need it, it is hard to tell.

You absolutely did well to stop at just 2 drinks, It could have been so much worse! Just keep going, keep trying.

Take care.

teatreeoil007

I'm sorry you are feeling down today, Sin. We care.

Well, I wish I could say I'm spending Thanksgiving with family around a table spread with lots of yummy food, but I have to work. I'm used to that though....as I've worked a LOT of holidays in the past....you get used to making alternative plans for holidays and you learn to tell yourself that it is another day...I will be around folks who ARE lonely, though, so I'm hoping I can cheer them up a bit. I'm glad you stopped at only 2 drinks. Hang in there and get back on here and tell us how you are. We're doing Thanksgiving on Saturday instead.

Forward12

Hearing what you need to hear is often times harder than what you want to.
We are stubborn as alcoholics, but sobriety is right in front of you, just grasp it.

Linners820

Sinderos, were you able to make the breakfast for your coworkers? How did it go? Thought this was such a nice thought and a great way to be of service to others. Come back and let us know!

Hawkeye13

Hi Sinderos;
I've been feeling pretty fragile myself lately--I had a relapse not too long ago
after almost two years sober and it made me feel sad and reawoke my cravings.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone--we aren't judging you and I think
the most important thing right now is to keep reaching out and know you
will succeed--really--and we are all in this together

Please post and let us know how you are--

Dee74

How are things Sinderos?

D