My Addict Boyfriend is Healing but so Distant

Old 11-22-2017, 06:24 AM
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My Addict Boyfriend is Healing but so Distant

So I know I've posted on here quite a bit. My life with my cocaine-addicted boyfriend has me on a rollercoaster of emotions. He was on a month long binge of daily use, to the point where he was hallucinating and going into cocaine psychosis.

Within the last week or so, he has decided to go into detox and claimed he is going to stop using. He is hesitant about going to NA meetings.. I don't know if he'll do it but he claims he will stop no matter what. He keeps telling me he wants to be with me and he realizes the damage he has caused. While he does say this, he is still acting like an addict... and I completely get it because I went through this with my brother, I know that it takes time for addicts to heal and start to care about others. But it's very difficult for me. I tell him I miss him and he goes "really?" .. he won't say it back. He's very distant and not really affectionate. He doesn't care about Thanksgiving. He doesn't seem to care if he spends it with me or not.. which is fine because we've been through so much the past month I think it's for the best. He used to always want to be with me and always used to ask to see me. Now it's just me asking and him giving me "maybe" type answers. I told him if he wants to end things, that is fine. He is very adamant about being together though.

I'm guessing this is normal with addicts trying to heal? I only know from a brother - sister perspective .. not a relationship perspective. We've had a lot of fights and a lot of words have been spoken this last month so I know things can't be perfect from the start but it's just so hard when he acts so distant. Any words of advice?
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Old 11-22-2017, 06:44 AM
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Hi, Abby.
Saying this gently: there is nothing in your post that tells me your SO is healing.
He is going to go to detox, but hasn’t?
He is going to stop using, but he hasn’t?
He is sorry he has caused you pain, but is distant and uncommunicative.
You are hearing words.
Look to his actions.
When he stops using, when he goes to detox and rehab, when he openly and full heartedly accepts that he is an addict, then perhaps, perhaps his healing can begin.
Meantime, I would treat his words as what they are and look to see if he is acting like someone who truly wants to be clean and sober.
I just don’t see it right now.
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