Struggling to go to AA
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Hi 24 Violets!
None of the people I know in AA look on newcomers with disgust. We were all newcomers at one time--some more than once. Just keep coming back--it works if you work it!
None of the people I know in AA look on newcomers with disgust. We were all newcomers at one time--some more than once. Just keep coming back--it works if you work it!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
If you see someone you know they will not judge you. They should welcome you. I don't know you and would welcome you because I do know what you are going through mentally. I said at my meeting this morning; how nice it is to talk to other likeminded individuals, so I feel understood with what's going on inside of my mind and to make sense of it if you will? On the outside I have a great life.. It's the inside 'struggle' that leads me to drinking. AA has been my outlet for that. Posting here as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Thank you both for the encouragement. I know it would help me to go. I have loved being in a group for other things. For now this site is helping a lot. I will try to get the courage up and face my fear soon. Thank God that terrible overwhelming feeling passed. I am feeling peaceful again. I am drinking my detox tea and knitting to keep my fingers busy.
Thanks so much for helping me
Thanks so much for helping me
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Hi Violets. Walking through the door to that first meeting is very VERY frightening for most people. You're not alone in feeling that fear.
The bad news is that it will take allot of courage to eventually enter that room. The good news is that the intensity of that fear will be matched disproportionately by the relief you will feel by the end of that meeting.
Let us know how it goes.
We do not shoot our wounded.
The bad news is that it will take allot of courage to eventually enter that room. The good news is that the intensity of that fear will be matched disproportionately by the relief you will feel by the end of that meeting.
Let us know how it goes.
We do not shoot our wounded.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by 24violets 
I would like to try a meeting. I知 afraid of seeing anyone I know. I know people will look down at me with disgust.
would it be better iffen they saw ya stumbling out of a bar?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
If you see someone you know, they'll be there for the same reason. They won't look down on you.
If someone along the way who's not at the meeting sees you and looks down at you, that's their problem. They are the shameful person for judging you.... you are the honorable person for taking responsible action to make yourself a better person and live a better life.
They can get bent.
Go to the meeting.
If someone along the way who's not at the meeting sees you and looks down at you, that's their problem. They are the shameful person for judging you.... you are the honorable person for taking responsible action to make yourself a better person and live a better life.
They can get bent.
Go to the meeting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Thank you all for the good advice. I am thinking of this in a new way now. I知 way more thankful to be sober, than ashamed of someone finding out I need help. I really do need help. Thank you for taking the time to answer me
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
I finally went to AA 4 weeks ago and loved it
Hi Violets,
I knew deep down that I've needed AA but put it off for about 4 years. It was the exact same fear - what if I know someone. I decided it would be best to go to a Closed meeting (open only to people who are alcoholics and/or problem drinkers) instead of an open meeting (open to non-alcoholics). I figured if it's at a Closed meeting, hopefully there is the mutual humility and respect that everyone has the same problem. I thought to myself finally, how can that person look down on me, they are there too.
I've not missed a Saturday meeting since - 4 in a row - and I'm the most noncommittal person I know! I've heard people say if you don't like the first meeting, keep trying other AA meetings "because every one is different." The one I went to is around 30 people and is evidently one of the most popular in this area. Some have 6-8 people. Keep trying. I feel like going to meetings was one of the top 3 most important things I've done for my sobriety.
Hugs!
I knew deep down that I've needed AA but put it off for about 4 years. It was the exact same fear - what if I know someone. I decided it would be best to go to a Closed meeting (open only to people who are alcoholics and/or problem drinkers) instead of an open meeting (open to non-alcoholics). I figured if it's at a Closed meeting, hopefully there is the mutual humility and respect that everyone has the same problem. I thought to myself finally, how can that person look down on me, they are there too.
I've not missed a Saturday meeting since - 4 in a row - and I'm the most noncommittal person I know! I've heard people say if you don't like the first meeting, keep trying other AA meetings "because every one is different." The one I went to is around 30 people and is evidently one of the most popular in this area. Some have 6-8 people. Keep trying. I feel like going to meetings was one of the top 3 most important things I've done for my sobriety.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
One more thing....
I decided to do these 2 things at meetings that are game changers:
1. Look for similarities, not differences.
2. Take what works for me, leave the rest.
For the first one, I watched for ways I was similar to the people in AA, their stories, instead of different. For example, I could have sat there saying "I've not been to jail, lost a job, etc etc" BUT instead I kept thinking WOW I relate with so much of their stories! A comment here and there and I would nod or smile thinking WOW, we have so many similarities.
2. Take what works, and leave the rest. I don't get bent out of shape if there's something in AA I don't totally agree with. I may have a different opinion, or think it's not 100% perfect, but I don't use that as a reason to reject it. Sometimes i look for all the reasons why something won't work! This time I kept an open mind and heart and was pleasantly surprised with how much I gained from just 4 meetings.
(And this is coming from a very skeptical, cerebral mind who swore she would never go to AA lol)
I'm rooting for ya and hope you try and benefit! Hugs!
I decided to do these 2 things at meetings that are game changers:
1. Look for similarities, not differences.
2. Take what works for me, leave the rest.
For the first one, I watched for ways I was similar to the people in AA, their stories, instead of different. For example, I could have sat there saying "I've not been to jail, lost a job, etc etc" BUT instead I kept thinking WOW I relate with so much of their stories! A comment here and there and I would nod or smile thinking WOW, we have so many similarities.
2. Take what works, and leave the rest. I don't get bent out of shape if there's something in AA I don't totally agree with. I may have a different opinion, or think it's not 100% perfect, but I don't use that as a reason to reject it. Sometimes i look for all the reasons why something won't work! This time I kept an open mind and heart and was pleasantly surprised with how much I gained from just 4 meetings.
(And this is coming from a very skeptical, cerebral mind who swore she would never go to AA lol)
I'm rooting for ya and hope you try and benefit! Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I don't think I really understood the fact that AA is run BY alcoholics, FOR alcoholics. As such, anyone in that room in a Closed meeting IS an alcoholic. The secratary, the person setting the room up, the one making the tea - everyone. If you meet someone you know in a closed meeting of AA then it's because they're there for the same reason as you. And they will be happy to see you and help you.
I remember a lady from my church choir first coming to a meeting. I was so glad to see her there, as I'd often seen some subtle signs (and smelt the telltale kinda-cold smell of alcohol on her) at choir and wondered. I just told her it was good to see her and gave her a hug, then made her a cuppa.
It took me many attempts to get through the door of a meeting. Lots of fruitless journeys into the city centre to return home frustrated at my fearfulness. Reaching out to chat to an internet responder really helped me to access that first meeting. Turned out that the only person looking down on me with disgust was ME. And that changed over time as I worked on my sobriety and recovery.
Good luck getting to that first meeting.
BB
I remember a lady from my church choir first coming to a meeting. I was so glad to see her there, as I'd often seen some subtle signs (and smelt the telltale kinda-cold smell of alcohol on her) at choir and wondered. I just told her it was good to see her and gave her a hug, then made her a cuppa.
It took me many attempts to get through the door of a meeting. Lots of fruitless journeys into the city centre to return home frustrated at my fearfulness. Reaching out to chat to an internet responder really helped me to access that first meeting. Turned out that the only person looking down on me with disgust was ME. And that changed over time as I worked on my sobriety and recovery.
Good luck getting to that first meeting.
BB
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by Berrybean
I don't think I really understood the fact that AA is run BY alcoholics, FOR alcoholics. As such, anyone in that room in a Closed meeting IS an alcoholic. The secratary, the person setting the room up, the one making the tea - everyone. If you meet someone you know in a closed meeting of AA then it's because they're there for the same reason as you. And they will be happy to see you and help you.
I remember a lady from my church choir first coming to a meeting. I was so glad to see her there, as I'd often seen some subtle signs (and smelt the telltale kinda-cold smell of alcohol on her) at choir and wondered. I just told her it was good to see her and gave her a hug, then made her a cuppa.
It took me many attempts to get through the door of a meeting. Lots of fruitless journeys into the city centre to return home frustrated at my fearfulness. Reaching out to chat to an internet responder really helped me to access that first meeting. Turned out that the only person looking down on me with disgust was ME. And that changed over time as I worked on my sobriety and recovery.
Good luck getting to that first meeting.
BB
I remember a lady from my church choir first coming to a meeting. I was so glad to see her there, as I'd often seen some subtle signs (and smelt the telltale kinda-cold smell of alcohol on her) at choir and wondered. I just told her it was good to see her and gave her a hug, then made her a cuppa.
It took me many attempts to get through the door of a meeting. Lots of fruitless journeys into the city centre to return home frustrated at my fearfulness. Reaching out to chat to an internet responder really helped me to access that first meeting. Turned out that the only person looking down on me with disgust was ME. And that changed over time as I worked on my sobriety and recovery.
Good luck getting to that first meeting.
BB
I love this: "Turned out that the only person looking down on me with disgust was ME. And that changed over time as I worked on my sobriety and recovery."
Same for me. AA is actually helping me let go of the shame.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Bless all of you for being so kind and sharing your thoughts and encouragement with me. It is my shame. I am having a very hard time getting the word alcoholic out of my mouth. I haven稚 yet. I know I am. I am ashamed that I am that I couldn稚 just have self control. I share that title with the person who left the deepest wounds on me and inside me. I知 very thankful that I feel so much better each morning. I知 thankful that withdrawal was so hard and so scary. It helped me to realize how much I needed to get sober. I知 thankful for all of you who shared your soul no matter how painful. It helped me realize how alike my story is to many of yours. Realizing that I am experiencing what people here are, I know I am an alcoholic. Okay I知 shaky even typing that for the first time. I did it I typed it. Now on to saying it out loud. I think I am going to go tonight. I looked at local meetings yesterday just didn稚 go. Please think positive thoughts and pray if you do, for me to go. I need to say it out loud, I知 an alcoholic, I have chains of slavery to it I need to break. I need to be set free.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi 24Violets,
Have you looked up AA in your area? There should be a central service office that you can call and get the number of someone who attends in your area then maybe you can go with them? Sometimes it helps to not have to walk in alone. Plus, I know when I've attended with newcomers they were grateful to have someone to explain what was going on (format of meeting etc).
I hope you go, you'll be happy you did!
Have you looked up AA in your area? There should be a central service office that you can call and get the number of someone who attends in your area then maybe you can go with them? Sometimes it helps to not have to walk in alone. Plus, I know when I've attended with newcomers they were grateful to have someone to explain what was going on (format of meeting etc).
I hope you go, you'll be happy you did!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by 24violets
Bless all of you for being so kind and sharing your thoughts and encouragement with me. It is my shame. I am having a very hard time getting the word alcoholic out of my mouth. I haven稚 yet. I know I am. I am ashamed that I am that I couldn稚 just have self control. I share that title with the person who left the deepest wounds on me and inside me. I知 very thankful that I feel so much better each morning. I知 thankful that withdrawal was so hard and so scary. It helped me to realize how much I needed to get sober. I知 thankful for all of you who shared your soul no matter how painful. It helped me realize how alike my story is to many of yours. Realizing that I am experiencing what people here are, I know I am an alcoholic. Okay I知 shaky even typing that for the first time. I did it I typed it. Now on to saying it out loud. I think I am going to go tonight. I looked at local meetings yesterday just didn稚 go. Please think positive thoughts and pray if you do, for me to go. I need to say it out loud, I知 an alcoholic, I have chains of slavery to it I need to break. I need to be set free.
Again..This site is great for support as well!
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