Pressmetilihurt

I know it’s not a big deal but I didn’t go to any meetings this weekend. I had planned to start a 90 in 90. I always fail. I’m still on Antabuse (I dose tomorrow) but I’m scared I’m gonna **** this up. Was at Costco today. Cases of beer everywhere. It didn’t appeal to me but this holiday **** is dark and gloomy.

Lava256

Why did you miss the meetings, Press? Do everything you can to stay sober. Just get yourself to a meeting today. You’ll get through this.

Dee74

Try not and get ovewhelmed Press - you're sober and you have been sober for a little while now. All you have to do is keep doing what you've been doing.

It's good you're aware of the dangers tho - maybe make a meeting a priority tomorrow?

D

Berrybean

Aww Press. Start your 90 today - and if it's too late to get to a meeting today where you are then maybe spend some time reading some of the AA literature or listening to an AA speaker instead (plenty here... https://www.recoveryaudio.org ).
If you have some phone numbers from your last meeting then try using them and maybe try to arrange to meet someone before or after the next meeting for a coffee and chat perhaps.

With regards to the holidays, I've found that instead of tagging along on old traditions I've needed to make new ones. Some of this has involved getting more involved in the community stuff going on - so, going to light switch-ons or Christmas markets. Going to the Carol Services and midnight services at church.
Resdiscovering some of the childish fun things about the Holidays. But my favourite new tradition is helping with the Christmas Lunch (on Christmas day) for people who would otherwise be alone on that day. I thought it would just be a distraction and I might as well be useful to someone if I 'had to have a rotten Christmas day without alcohol' (hahaha) - but I found that in return for just a measly few hours of my time I got an amazing gift - some faith in human nature and a truly magical Christmas day. I would highly recommend looking into what shelters or churches are running events similar near you and volunteering. It is likely to help you more than help anyone else.

BB

PhoenixJ

prayers offered

Stronger2017

Stay the course Press. You really can get through this.

FreeOwl

Here, I rewrote it for you.

"I look at the fact that I didn't go to any meetings this weekend and I realize, that's a big deal. It means I didn't honor my choice to start a 90 in 90, and I realize that means I didn't honor my choice to be sober. Maybe it even means I have yet to ACTUALLY CHOOSE to embrace sobriety. Even though I'm on Antabuse, I wonder if maybe I'm just using that as another excuse ("well, antabuse didn't work, either..... see? I ALWAYS FAIL") - that way, I can sort of rationalize that I TRIED and I'm just incapable. It's sort of a clever way to avoid being honest with myself and also avoid actually getting sober. I see myself offering up 'fear' of ****ing this up as a means of further distancing myself from the responsibility, honesty and commitment of TRULY CHOOSING sobriety and taking ACTION to honor that commitment. I could really see it glaringly today at Costco, where I was drawn to the beer and told myself that it 'didn't appeal' but at the same time began telling myself about how gloomy this season is, and preparing the way for the rationalized excuse to drink again.

As I see all of this unfolding, I am seeing the path these thoughts and actions create - and TODAY I make a new choice. TODAY, I choose sobriety and TODAY I will support that choice by; going to a meeting, reading my Big Book, journaling a little and making one active CHANGE in my life.... I'm grateful for my ability to see these mental processes and I'm grateful for my strength to make a new choice TODAY."

Healthyandsober

Hi press,

go to a meeting today to do 90 in 90 i don't think you have to do everyday you can miss some days as long as at 90 days you have 90 meetings i know I'm behind on mine :scored

just think if you drink now u are going to have to start all over again and only God knows what will happen in the interim. best of luck to you!

PinnacleOR

Agree with Berrybean and from my own experience as a loner who is far from family on holidays, they can be a big trigger for me. One of my most fulfilling Thanksgiving holidays was to go and volunteer to hand out meals to the homeless. For me it put things in perspective, helped me in my own gratitude and helped me get out of myself on a day that could otherwise be very dangerous for my sobriety. Luckily I am with family this holiday.

Hawkeye13

You see the "set up" unfolding and reported it.
You are still sober and can get back on the right track.

Take the Anabuse, go to a meeting every day this week
and write out a recovery plan which includes and morning and evening
review of what's working and what you need to revise / do to keep growing
in recovery.

You're worked so hard--early sobriety really seems to be tough for you.
What can you do to "shore up" things now?

Drinking or not drinking is always a choice--it doesn't just happen to you.
Setting up good circumstances
for sobriety make that choice to not drink so much easier.

Have a sober holiday season with your family this year press. . . .

biminiblue

You're doing great, kiddo. ( I can say that I hope. I'm old...)

Keep it going! Meetings or not, don't pick up a drink today. If you do that, you've done it right.

Dee74

Hows it going Press?

D