Solo Single Sober
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
I am alone and was surprised to find so many others here that are also. Alcohol took away chances for partners and so many other social things. I am an introvert and am a content homebody but it does get lonely with no one to bounce the good and the bad off from. And that was a great door for my AV to walk through and tramp the real me down the rabbit hole of binge drinking. Glad you started the thread canguy - I am sure lots of others will be along soon.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
...it just struck me that so many of the posts here are ppl talking about addiction in the context of relationships. But for many of us....it's not like that.
It's a deeply isolating experience, you are isolated, you drink to cope, you become further cut off....
It has to be much harder to come back from this even in a bad marriage.....
It's a deeply isolating experience, you are isolated, you drink to cope, you become further cut off....
It has to be much harder to come back from this even in a bad marriage.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
I am single, and live solo, and can relate. Alcohol was my crutch to push out the emptiness. I deluded myself into thinking the people at the bar were my "friends", my people. In reality, all the booze did was isolate me further. Make me push away the friends I did have, and the opportunities that were presented.
Getting sober, while perhaps even more isolating in the beginning, is the only way to create a new life. I've rekindled old friendships, made a couple new ones. And while I still spend a lot of time alone, I enjoy my own company much more these days. I've discovered new interests, new hobbies, new activities. Alcohol would have prevented all of that.
Getting sober, while perhaps even more isolating in the beginning, is the only way to create a new life. I've rekindled old friendships, made a couple new ones. And while I still spend a lot of time alone, I enjoy my own company much more these days. I've discovered new interests, new hobbies, new activities. Alcohol would have prevented all of that.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I am alone sometimes even now that I am married and have a teenage son.
I was single until about 35 years old. I had friends and girls friends but for many years I was alone and lonely.
Sometimes I would plan to go out and do something, but end up not being able to drive.
Waking up the next day, alone, hungover was depressing. After a while it became normal and I would pass on events etc. knowing I would end up drinking too much and driving.
Back then, the booze had yet to damage my brain ad body to the extent that led me to quit.
I feel alone sometimes even when surrounded by people. I don't enjoy idle pointless chit chat. Circular, squirrel chasing chatter. I would rather quietly watch a TV program or take a walk.
Now sober for close to 1000 days, mental and physical progress is still occurring. I am still getting used to sobriety at this relatively extensive time clean.
I am not sure if it is me or does every ex drunk still feel changes at nearly 3 years sober.
I was single until about 35 years old. I had friends and girls friends but for many years I was alone and lonely.
Sometimes I would plan to go out and do something, but end up not being able to drive.
Waking up the next day, alone, hungover was depressing. After a while it became normal and I would pass on events etc. knowing I would end up drinking too much and driving.
Back then, the booze had yet to damage my brain ad body to the extent that led me to quit.
I feel alone sometimes even when surrounded by people. I don't enjoy idle pointless chit chat. Circular, squirrel chasing chatter. I would rather quietly watch a TV program or take a walk.
Now sober for close to 1000 days, mental and physical progress is still occurring. I am still getting used to sobriety at this relatively extensive time clean.
I am not sure if it is me or does every ex drunk still feel changes at nearly 3 years sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 270
Wow! Thanks for setting this up! Yes I am Solo, Single and Sober.
A friend once said I shouldn't drink on my own, should only drink in company. I laughed down the phone.
I think for me at the moment (8 days in) Solo is better for me as I equate friends with drinking. I am kind of dreading the time when I go out and ask for a non-alcoholic drink. I will get comments. So for now am happy to stay on my own and get used to this new lifestyle.
A friend once said I shouldn't drink on my own, should only drink in company. I laughed down the phone.
I think for me at the moment (8 days in) Solo is better for me as I equate friends with drinking. I am kind of dreading the time when I go out and ask for a non-alcoholic drink. I will get comments. So for now am happy to stay on my own and get used to this new lifestyle.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
This is a great thread topic.
50yo guy here, been a heavy drinker/alcoholic for 30 years. On Day 23 today. I've lived alone for several years, and in the past 10 years I've honestly had little to no social life. Why?I am an introvert to begin with, but also my MO was to leave work at 5, pick up a huge bottle of wine at the store, go home and medicate in front of the TV. Every night. I drank so much and so fast that I never wanted to go to a bar. my AV just wanted to be alone, not judged, to drink into oblivion.
I've not had a romantic relationship in my life since I was in my 20s. I used to love to hike and do outdoor things and had a circle of friends to do things with. This has withered since my 30s and I've turned into a total recluse. I drank because I was alone, and I was alone because I drank. Vicious circle.
Being lonely and isolated is my biggest trigger. My last relapse landed me in the hospital for an extended period and I had some serious health issues. The relapses have gotten worse, and i can't go through one again or I die.
At Day 23 I have momentum, but this has been under the wing of my family, who I have been staying with for the past three weeks. Next week I go back to my job, my solo apartment, my life. I NEED to do things differently to survive. I need connection, I need support. I need people. While I have had struggles with AA, it is the fellowship I need now. I am going to get phone numbers and use them. I am going to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I am going to stay sober, be open and help others as I need help.
To all of the loners and lonely on this board, we need each other, let's connect.
Dave
50yo guy here, been a heavy drinker/alcoholic for 30 years. On Day 23 today. I've lived alone for several years, and in the past 10 years I've honestly had little to no social life. Why?I am an introvert to begin with, but also my MO was to leave work at 5, pick up a huge bottle of wine at the store, go home and medicate in front of the TV. Every night. I drank so much and so fast that I never wanted to go to a bar. my AV just wanted to be alone, not judged, to drink into oblivion.
I've not had a romantic relationship in my life since I was in my 20s. I used to love to hike and do outdoor things and had a circle of friends to do things with. This has withered since my 30s and I've turned into a total recluse. I drank because I was alone, and I was alone because I drank. Vicious circle.
Being lonely and isolated is my biggest trigger. My last relapse landed me in the hospital for an extended period and I had some serious health issues. The relapses have gotten worse, and i can't go through one again or I die.
At Day 23 I have momentum, but this has been under the wing of my family, who I have been staying with for the past three weeks. Next week I go back to my job, my solo apartment, my life. I NEED to do things differently to survive. I need connection, I need support. I need people. While I have had struggles with AA, it is the fellowship I need now. I am going to get phone numbers and use them. I am going to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I am going to stay sober, be open and help others as I need help.
To all of the loners and lonely on this board, we need each other, let's connect.
Dave
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,383
I got divorced in 2007 after 20 years of wedded bliss. Then it was just me and my trusty beers against the world til February 2016 when I decided to stop dying and start trying a little. Started quitting. Being more social is very high on my to-do list, that's for sure.
Somebody famous once said "He who lives alone is either a beast or a god." Something like that. I'm a little more on the beastly side.
Somebody famous once said "He who lives alone is either a beast or a god." Something like that. I'm a little more on the beastly side.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 60
For me my friends became booze three and a half years ago. I'm very lucky that I still have some very wonderful friends. Drinking caused extreme isolation even when I was invited to events. People would ask if I wanted to hang out after work or go out for coffee. It was like I had a child or something to tend to at home. I would refuse and say I needed to clean my house or I had something else to do. That something else was drinking as much booze as possible and if I was lucky getting in one very unhealthy meal a day if I didn't pass out before the pizza guy came.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by canguy 
....a thread for people trying to do this alone
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Do you have friends you can hang with? For me, I have football, football and guess what, football. Go Vikings, Steelers and Redskins !!!!!! Maybe Oakland or Seattle. Hate Dallas and New England. Get into football and watch people kick the crap out of each other.
For me, I am cooking a turkey all by myself and am looking forward to the smell of Thanksgiving and the left overs. Hurts when you don't have family, but I still have me. Not alone really. My mother is with me in my heart. Try to look at it that way. The body leaves, but the soul always stays. Whether they are alive or not, they are always with you. You probably have more loving company around you than you know. John
For me, I am cooking a turkey all by myself and am looking forward to the smell of Thanksgiving and the left overs. Hurts when you don't have family, but I still have me. Not alone really. My mother is with me in my heart. Try to look at it that way. The body leaves, but the soul always stays. Whether they are alive or not, they are always with you. You probably have more loving company around you than you know. John
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
I'm single; although, I don't consider myself alone (actually, I enjoy being alone most of the time), and I rarely drank at home alone; I needed to be out and about with other drinkers, so being at home by myself is a safe place for me when attempting sobriety.
Fortunately, I do have friends and family nearby, and I haven't alienated any of them. Only a few know I have a serious problem with alcohol, most just think I overdo it at times.
But I understand how this can be a lonely endeavor for many people and I think this thread is a great idea. Thanks for starting it canguy.
Fortunately, I do have friends and family nearby, and I haven't alienated any of them. Only a few know I have a serious problem with alcohol, most just think I overdo it at times.
But I understand how this can be a lonely endeavor for many people and I think this thread is a great idea. Thanks for starting it canguy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hey Canguy and other solos -- thank you for starting and building upon this thread. Very good stuff here.
I'm single and -- cough, cough -- of a certain age. Not young. There's no doubt in my mind that loneliness was a significant contributor to my alcoholism. I also think I had a brain that was already pre-wired for it so aggravating factors didn't help.
I've been sober for four years, three months and three days. (Yeah, I'm a counter.) One thing I've learned is that loneliness doesn't go away when we're in recovery. How we handle it can -- and must -- change. It's not easy when one is introverted and I suspect that our community is disproportionately composed of introverts.
One thing that helped me is to stop thinking of it as helping make it bearable. It was only serving as an over-the-counter anesthetic. And it was killing me. I really like what Snazzy Dresser said ... "I decided to stop dying and start trying a little. " There's a lot of wisdom packed into those words.
This is a topic thread that could be really helpful to folks on SR and I'd be glad to help continue the conversation. (I'm actually thinking of tip-toeing back into the dating wilderness but that's really off-topic.)
Hopefully we can share some good tips about what helps single people get sober and live in sobriety joyfully.
I'm single and -- cough, cough -- of a certain age. Not young. There's no doubt in my mind that loneliness was a significant contributor to my alcoholism. I also think I had a brain that was already pre-wired for it so aggravating factors didn't help.
I've been sober for four years, three months and three days. (Yeah, I'm a counter.) One thing I've learned is that loneliness doesn't go away when we're in recovery. How we handle it can -- and must -- change. It's not easy when one is introverted and I suspect that our community is disproportionately composed of introverts.
One thing that helped me is to stop thinking of it as helping make it bearable. It was only serving as an over-the-counter anesthetic. And it was killing me. I really like what Snazzy Dresser said ... "I decided to stop dying and start trying a little. " There's a lot of wisdom packed into those words.
This is a topic thread that could be really helpful to folks on SR and I'd be glad to help continue the conversation. (I'm actually thinking of tip-toeing back into the dating wilderness but that's really off-topic.)
Hopefully we can share some good tips about what helps single people get sober and live in sobriety joyfully.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
....how did this start? HALT. Avoid all four to stay sober. But for anyone really alone the L is always there, it's just a nagging part of the daily. The empty apartment that you come home to, the other side of the bed with nobody in it anymore. Maybe there used to be a wife, a cat....now all gone.
And you're supposed to get sober while living like this?
You're supposed to give up the one thing that makes it bearable?
Yes....I guess so.
Have to learn to swap drunken loneliness for sober solitude.
Trying to get sober while isolated is a very hard road.
And you're supposed to get sober while living like this?
You're supposed to give up the one thing that makes it bearable?
Yes....I guess so.
Have to learn to swap drunken loneliness for sober solitude.
Trying to get sober while isolated is a very hard road.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser
Somebody famous once said "He who lives alone is either a beast or a god." Something like that. I'm a little more on the beastly side.
Aristotle.
Beastly?....I go back and forth, usually weekly, sometimes daily, lol.
Good one, SnazzyDresser
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Originally Posted by Venecia
. (I'm actually thinking of tip-toeing back into the dating wilderness but that's really off-topic.)
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