Abby2690

It's been about a week since my ex and I pretty much ended things. His cocaine addiction has gone out of control... becoming a daily routine where he does 1-2g per night going into severe paranoia. His anger and irritability reached an all time high as well.

I just keep re-thinking things over in my mind. He's apparently always done cocaine, for the past 6 years but never this bad. Or so he says. He dated a girl 2 years ago that he moved to another state with and quit doing it completely for about 1.5 years. He would always write about how much he was in love with her on Facebook (yes I've stalked lol) but she ended up cheating on him with their boss and getting pregnant by him. He came back to NJ after that and i guess started doing coke again. He also dated another girl as well about a year ago.. he would go all the way to NYC to visit her and take her out to expensive dinners. He said they broke up because she was a gold digger.

I am just sitting here wondering why I wasn't enough. He would ditch me for cocaine frequently, never take me out, never write about me on social media. Never really seemed to put in much effort besides the basics of a relationship. I've treated him like gold and I still seem to blame myself and feel as though I wasn't good enough for him to stop doing coke. I can't help but compare myself to the other girls he was able to stop or atleast really cut back for. I know the logical answer is that maybe he was at a different point in his life, but I still just get myself so done. I feel so bad about myself that I was not enough.. any words of advice on how to cope with this? I have been so low.

SparkleKitty

One of the most difficult parts of caring for someone with an addiction is accepting that their issues have absolutely nothing to do with you.

We WANT to take it personally, to give it meaning. In reality, we are just collateral damage.

You are enough. Just as you are. You always have been and you always will be. His addiction has progressed, that's all. He is no longer capable of things he once was capable of.

Please do not let yourself wallow in shame over something which has nothing to do with you.

atalose

It sounds to me like you bought into his BS fantasyland cocaine coated reality he shared with you.

Seems all of his relationships fail and surprise surprise it’s never his fault……….she cheated………she is a gold digger……..and you, well you don’t want to put up with his addiction. WHICH I’M SURE NEITHER DID THE OTHER TWO girls that you seem to be competing and comparing yourself with.

Remember everything he shared with you everything he said to you was filtered through his addiction.

Please research addiction and addict behaviors and maybe even codependency to gain a better understanding of it so that you can stop this self-loathing thinking somehow you had any kind of power over it at all.

Maudcat

Hi, Abby.
Do you even know who or what the real him is?
He has been on and off using cocaine, probably more on than off.
That is some crazy making stuff.
I doubt he even knows who he is.
Addiction is such a soul killer.
It leaches away every bit of a person’s humanity, until the only thing left is the addiction.
And tht drives everything for the addict.
It's early days for you re the breakup, I know.
But please don’t turn his addiction into your head banging.
Everything he did to you he has done to others, I can absolutely guarantee it.
And he will continue to do so.
The excuses he makes are just noise.
Think of it this way: you have been sideswiped by a car.
It knocked you down and there are bruises, but nothing’s broken and you can stand up again after the fall.
Be good to yourself. Don’t blame yourself.
It isn’t you.
It’s him.

AnvilheadII

you've got it a bit wrong, abby.

for him coke was EVERYTHING. and one way or another it crashed the party, ruined the relationship and kept him messed up. you also have to remember you are only getting HIS version of events which i can guarantee you are not complete or accurate.

coke wins. unless and until HE decides to make drastic changes in HIS life, coke will always win. it just does. it's a VERY powerful drug. i'm 9 something years clean now and i still can dwell for very long on what it was like.

he wasn't a good boyfriend. he wasn't even a very nice person. you aren't MISSING anything. you didn't lose a competition between best EX girlfriends. there really isn't some big mystery here for you to unravel.

AnvilheadII

correction - still CANNOT dwell...........