Mango blast

I sent a non-personal just-the-facts text to my husband today.

I asked him to transfer my portion of a land sale to my bank account. I said the only reason I'm not contacting him is alcoholism, that DS10 and I have also been greatly affected by this family illness and I need to put our needs first.

Easy does it and life moves on. No expectations, yet already a big change in the way I'm stepping up and not obsessing over this. One month of No Contact has been stressful, hard and much needed.

Ironically, I'm more curious about the situation with a puppy I'd like to get. The owner is taking reservations for them. I filled out a form on their web site last week, received an email... but haven't gotten a response to my reply that had questions... lol... really good transference of my attention!

KTF

hopeful4

KTF....do you think he will actually fulfill your request? None of my business, I am just hoping he does so without a huge amount of grief to you.

As far as the puppy....forge ahead! Nothing has been more helpful to myself and my children than our sweet pups!

Mango blast

No expectations at all. The huge thing here was me standing up for me. Using my voice, not getting engaged emotionally.

One day at a time.

When I went NC I walked away from funds in his account that should have already been transferred to me. I'm still willing to give that up if my peace of mind needs me to.

This isn't about the finances. It IS time for me to step up in new ways. I'm no longer the victim.

This is the first time I've explained the No Contact in words. Still praying about this. Taking time to enjoy the day at hand.

hopeful4

Very proud of you!

Mango blast

Received a reply. I'm back to NC.

None of this is easy, yet I see the benefits in myself and DS10. That is enough. I can't "unhear" the new accusations, but I can trust my inner knowing.

Healthy relationships don't create fear, abuse and intimidation.

Mango blast

The reply included a timeframe of "when we can sit down and talk about it".

I'm done playing those kind of games and getting hooked back in.

Did some material "cleaning out". Heading to a church thrift store to donate lightly used, freshly washed blankets, pillows, bedding we used for tent camping last summer, along with my yoga mats and a few other things.

DS10 donated last year's bike and his Razer scooter from a couple years ago.

No more old habits, stuff, emotions. Making room for new, good things in our lives.

Mango blast

Two week update on this...

I've been enjoying life, keeping up with therapy, Alanon, occasional open AA meetings. Feeling a good, healthy range of emotions... especially considering the deeper issues I've been tackling.

Brought back to one simple, shorter text sent to my husband, again asking for my share of the funds.

Again, exploring with support, keeping NC yet breaking it for this moment of stepping up to request my funds. No expectations of receiving them. Keeping an open heart to financial abundance in my life, and to people no longer using me as a target... this is definitely an internal growth period for me that's requiring more faith and trust in the process of healing.....

This is an exercise in how I see money... without strings attached to it... how I see myself, no longer a victim... how I can behave with dignity and grace (....actions first, feelings follow) ...and a big part of this is putting relationships, recovery and so much more into proper perspective.

Maudcat

Sounds great, KTF,
Hope you do get your money. You have earned it.

Challenger2013

I saw “NC” and thought “North Carolina”.😂

If you are due the money, can’t you resort to legal action? Or is it not worth the hassle.

I ask because AW is part owner (40%) Of a very successful restaurant. Legally I’m entitled to half her share, but getting an actual value of the business could cost thousands for a forensic accountant.

Mango blast

No money coming forth, and still, again, each time I'm brought to this I have a great PEACE at trading a fight for money, for keeping myself and our son far away. Yes, it's not worth the hassle.

I see in active recovery, people who take responsibility for the problems they've brought to their own life and those close to them.

The response from my husband is holding this money hostage so I'll sit down face to face with him... and after that he'll consider it. It's all about what he wants, what I'm depriving him from (time with our son) and that I'm supposedly wanting him to support us.

Now added a timeframe again, of when I need to comply with his demands, if I want my money.

Staying No Contact again with no qualms and no curiosity about what or how he's doing.

I am looking forward to getting our puppy next week!!

Challenger2013

I get sort of the same reaction. She worked hard for that money, not me. Yet when I bring up the fact that it would go towards supporting our son, then I’m taking away the money she needs.

hopeful4

KTF...I am excited you are getting the puppy! You will have to let us know how that goes. I love dogs! We are getting another dog (yes, I have lost my mind), in December and I have to say I am quite excited!