chambersk71

I posted two weeks ago about my ex who had just gotten out of recovery about a month ago and moved in with another newly recovering addict that he met in rehab. He started calling me on Tuesday and he has called or text me numerous times this weekend stating that he wanted me to know why he did what he did. I finally spoke to him and he said that he did love this girl, but he wasn't in love with her. He went on to say that it wasn't anything like he thought it was going to be, she was way too young, she wanted to go out to bars and party and it was time to grow up. He said he wasn't getting what he wanted out of this relationship and his goals weren't being met. He said he is leaving and he wants me to be there for him. I don't even know what to think or even what to do. I do love him, but it's not easy to forgive and forget and I feel like I'm just the person that he falls back on when no one else is there. I don't think that I could ever be with him again knowing that he still loves this girl and for the last couple of weeks he has been playing house with her. I feel as though he is manipulating the both of us and whoever gives him what he wants is who he chooses to be with. So confused, what should I do?

SparkleKitty

This person is not serious about a commitment, only a convenience.

You deserve better.

HTown

He kept you on the back burner and thinks he can just waltz right back in, what a clown. I know you love him, but you dodged a bullet when he left you. Change your number and go no contact. You deserve to be cherished, not a back-up.

Bekindalways

Hey Chambers this sounds horribly painful. And your sense of being a convenience sounds right on.

I haven't read any of your other posts so I don't know much of your story. Have you tried Alanon? Also the bible around these parts is Codependent No More.

Please please do whatever you can to take care of yourself. Read lots and listen to your own needs.

Let us know how you get on.

Hawkeye13

He's looking for a soft landing--don't be one.
You deserve love, respect and someone you can count on and trust.

I suggest no contact at this point--

Seren

Oh, my...I am sorry! This man sounds as though his only thoughts are of himself. Notice how all he spoke to you about is how *his* needs aren't being met? How *he* is not happy with how it turned out? It certainly doesn't seem to me that he has your best interests in mind at all. And if he truly loved you, he would want what is best for you.

What do you want?

velma929

I had a boyfriend who dumped me several times. Yes, I had some issues, that's why I kept going back to him. But the last time, he made it easier.

He was not discreet about seeing someone else. As I mentioned in another post, once we finally did break up, he met with me to tell me how great his new girlfriend was. That was the tipping point. I never, ever felt we needed to give our relationship another chance.

We're all here because someone we love has a problem with alcohol. That's almost never the only problem they have. Many started drinking to anesthetize themselves to the other problems they didn't want to think about. Many are self-centered people who only think of their own immediate desires.

I feel as though he is manipulating the both of us and whoever gives him what he wants is who he chooses to be with.

Gee, ya think?

Yes. Immature people do that.

atalose

It’s been my experience that when I am feeling confused it’s because I am not living in reality but living more in magical thinking because there is nothing at all confusing about reality except we may not like it.

You should never allow yourself to be second best, an option or a rebound.

And just because you love him doesn’t mean he loves you back, no matter what his words (magical thinking) may say, his actions show you the reality.

Even though he was in rehab doesn’t mean he’s recovered, his actions are not those of someone serious about making his life better.

I think the healthies tool you could use for yourself right now is to go no contact, morn this relationship and move on.

hopeful4

Oh good grief. During any point is he concerned with what YOU need/want from the relationship?

Nope, he just knows that this little girl did not fulfill what HE needs, so now he wants you to do that.

I agree, you deserve so much better!

chambersk71

He called today and wanted me to allow him to stay with me, I said no. You guys are right, he is only concerned about his needs and wants and no one else's. I've always been there, but not this time. He doesn't even care that he hurt me or how I even feel about the whole situation. After I told him no, he proceeded to tell me to never call him again and it was all my fault. Of course I expected that because from the beginning he has always blamed me for everything...his addiction, his cheating, his lies...everything. I told him that you haven't changed and you never will, you can't except responsibility for anything that you've ever done, either it was someone else's fault or there was always an excuse for your actions. I've come to realize that he never learned a thing in rehab and he is just too damn selfish to realize or care that he has hurt others in the process of his addiction. For all of you going through the same thing...here is a great song to listen to about letting go....https://youtu.be/v-Dur3uXXCQ....Check it out...Praying.

CentralOhioDad

Good for you for standing your ground, I'm sure it wasn't easy for you.
(((((HUGS)))))

COD

DontRemember

So glad you stood your ground! I was worried reading through the posts. I had this thought of my ex yesterday. What would I do/say?..and my answer was:"There's nothing left to say/do." Very proud of you.

Ariesagain

You are not a doormat.

Turn your face toward the sun and move on.

hopeful4

Good for you! Proud of you to stand up for yourself and say NO!!!

atalose

Way to go!! Now block him from the ability to contact you further.