Weekenders Thread November 9-12: Get Unstuck
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Weekenders Thread November 9-12: Get Unstuck
I have a question for you, weekenders.
Have you ever felt stuck? I mean really s-t-u-u-u-u-k.
Stuck to the point when it feels like the moment you stop moving some force immediately drags you miles behind.
And the solid ground turns into quicksand and there is zero power and motivation to move forward.
And everything seems to be the same. Nothing stands out and nothing appeals to you.
I am currently going through another stage of feeling stuck in life. Or, rather it’s not even a stage. More like I travel through a gallery of “I am stuck in” chambers.
I am doing my best to get to the next chamber ASAP.
I believe that once I get there I will finally get unstuck.
But once I finally force into the next chamber I see the writing on the wall “You are too late. You should have been here long time ago”. So, I am stuck again.
At certain point it makes no sense. What’s the point? And I have zero desire to move at all.
Recently I’ve been so stressed over the ordeal with banks and painful emotional flashbacks from the past and I’ve been haunted by dark feeling that nothing changes in my life.
Then I listed all the changes just within a year. Heck, there’s been a log of changes and progress.
Where does this stuck feeling comes from then?
I believe one of the major reasons for this is comparing where I ideally should be now and where I am.
Another reason is total disregard of internal journey vs. tangible achievements.
Let’s say I take on the journey to the center of the Earth. So, I go underground, endure challenges and hardships which forge and reveal better qualities of my personality. And when I show up on the surface again I feel like a completely different person.
But I am still at the same physical spot. Nothings seems to change here.
Does it mean I am stuck? No. No. No.
I hope I don’t’ get you lost in my meanderings about stuck-unstuck conflict.
The basic point is: if you feel stuck, ask yourself “Is it because I compare myself to some ideal scenario or other people’s success?”
Stop comparing. Stop comparing yourself to “normies”, to peers, to everybody else.
No one will see your journey to the center of your pain where you will gain your freedom.
No one will see your struggles through dark tunnels of addiction and what it takes to get back to the light again.
Be proud of yourself. Listen to what your heart tells you about your next move.
And for those who is still considering getting sober – quitting drinking/using is an ultimate unstuck move.
So, let’s declare November 9-12 an Unstuck Weekend.
What do you feel stuck about? What do you think you can do to change it?
One, two, three..UNSTUCK!!!!!
Have you ever felt stuck? I mean really s-t-u-u-u-u-k.
Stuck to the point when it feels like the moment you stop moving some force immediately drags you miles behind.
And the solid ground turns into quicksand and there is zero power and motivation to move forward.
And everything seems to be the same. Nothing stands out and nothing appeals to you.
I am currently going through another stage of feeling stuck in life. Or, rather it’s not even a stage. More like I travel through a gallery of “I am stuck in” chambers.
I am doing my best to get to the next chamber ASAP.
I believe that once I get there I will finally get unstuck.
But once I finally force into the next chamber I see the writing on the wall “You are too late. You should have been here long time ago”. So, I am stuck again.
At certain point it makes no sense. What’s the point? And I have zero desire to move at all.
Recently I’ve been so stressed over the ordeal with banks and painful emotional flashbacks from the past and I’ve been haunted by dark feeling that nothing changes in my life.
Then I listed all the changes just within a year. Heck, there’s been a log of changes and progress.
Where does this stuck feeling comes from then?
I believe one of the major reasons for this is comparing where I ideally should be now and where I am.
Another reason is total disregard of internal journey vs. tangible achievements.
Let’s say I take on the journey to the center of the Earth. So, I go underground, endure challenges and hardships which forge and reveal better qualities of my personality. And when I show up on the surface again I feel like a completely different person.
But I am still at the same physical spot. Nothings seems to change here.
Does it mean I am stuck? No. No. No.
I hope I don’t’ get you lost in my meanderings about stuck-unstuck conflict.
The basic point is: if you feel stuck, ask yourself “Is it because I compare myself to some ideal scenario or other people’s success?”
Stop comparing. Stop comparing yourself to “normies”, to peers, to everybody else.
No one will see your journey to the center of your pain where you will gain your freedom.
No one will see your struggles through dark tunnels of addiction and what it takes to get back to the light again.
Be proud of yourself. Listen to what your heart tells you about your next move.
And for those who is still considering getting sober – quitting drinking/using is an ultimate unstuck move.
So, let’s declare November 9-12 an Unstuck Weekend.
What do you feel stuck about? What do you think you can do to change it?
One, two, three..UNSTUCK!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Thanks for an intriguing new topic MB 
For me feelings of being stuck are usually either fear based, or expectation based.
I'm either scared of moving or resentful than I'm not.
Most times it turns out I'm right where I need to be?
D
For me feelings of being stuck are usually either fear based, or expectation based.
I'm either scared of moving or resentful than I'm not.
Most times it turns out I'm right where I need to be?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
All right now. I am in.
Starting to read Russell Brand's new book on Recovery (which turns out to be his tour of the 12 steps).
Wow, MB, what a poetic opener!
Am I stuck? Yes, stuck in the same slowly corrosive pattern while general entropy continues and the clock runs out on my life. Something needs to change. I need to change something. At least the one central and obvious thing, maybe some others as well.
Working on it.
Starting to read Russell Brand's new book on Recovery (which turns out to be his tour of the 12 steps).
Wow, MB, what a poetic opener!
Am I stuck? Yes, stuck in the same slowly corrosive pattern while general entropy continues and the clock runs out on my life. Something needs to change. I need to change something. At least the one central and obvious thing, maybe some others as well.
Working on it.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,760
Thanks for the post MB. Lots of food for thought. I haven't stopped to examine this particlar aspect of myself, I've had so much growth over the last year since sobering up. I suppose one aspect of feeling stuck I have is due to my age and having taken so long to stop drinking. So much lost potential.....
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hey, Solarion.
If you don't mind me asking - what's stopping you from changing that one central and obvious thing?
STDragon - About lost potential.. Here's one of my most favorite songs for you
If you don't mind me asking - what's stopping you from changing that one central and obvious thing?
STDragon - About lost potential.. Here's one of my most favorite songs for you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
Hey, MB. No, I don't mind. Thank you for asking.
What is stopping me, indeed?
I think I had better stay with the question instead of resolving it with some hasty answer.
But that is a great question for me to ask myself, so thank you.
What is stopping me, indeed?
I think I had better stay with the question instead of resolving it with some hasty answer.
But that is a great question for me to ask myself, so thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
Thank you MB!
Great opener so weird i was thinking about this last night. man i feel and i am so stuck.
Im stuck at my job i feel unappreciated under pay with no prospects for promotions utterly broke so i can move anywhere and frankly stuck in a position where i have worked hard and still i am not good at it. the people i work with now make me feel i don't belong and they would love me to go so they can give my clients to another person they favor.
i work in a very nasty industry and i feel no-one has my back and people are just waiting to see me sink. you know no mentors no managers or leaders it seems no one want me there or to success and i can't seem to do it my self.
in all fairness i know i had ruined things in the past no showing off. since i have been in this job my drinking has gone of the wall these feelings drove me to drink and i know thats a very alcoholic excuses but somehow feeling like a failure just make me feel like f*&k it I'm just getting plaster
i could write forever about being stuck ha ha in every area of my live and i second STDragon i have so many regrets about the time i lost drinking and the lost of potential opportunities and simply brain cells because i just feel plain dumb
ha ha great topic I am super in. Thank you!
Great opener so weird i was thinking about this last night. man i feel and i am so stuck.
Im stuck at my job i feel unappreciated under pay with no prospects for promotions utterly broke so i can move anywhere and frankly stuck in a position where i have worked hard and still i am not good at it. the people i work with now make me feel i don't belong and they would love me to go so they can give my clients to another person they favor.
i work in a very nasty industry and i feel no-one has my back and people are just waiting to see me sink. you know no mentors no managers or leaders it seems no one want me there or to success and i can't seem to do it my self.
in all fairness i know i had ruined things in the past no showing off. since i have been in this job my drinking has gone of the wall these feelings drove me to drink and i know thats a very alcoholic excuses but somehow feeling like a failure just make me feel like f*&k it I'm just getting plaster
i could write forever about being stuck ha ha in every area of my live and i second STDragon i have so many regrets about the time i lost drinking and the lost of potential opportunities and simply brain cells because i just feel plain dumb
ha ha great topic I am super in. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Great intro MB!
I was stuck for years caregiving my alcoholic chain-smoking mother.
By the time I realized I could step back, I really couldn't as she had eroded
so much mentally and physically and had left her affairs totally undone--
Her house was a hoard and she was in and out of the hospital and nursing homes.
That's when my drinking really exploded, and I became my own worst problem.
When I gave her the ultimatum that if she drank and smoked her way back into
the hospital and nursing home yet again, I would no longer move heaven and earth to
get her back into her own home, but that she would stay in the nursing home
unless she could find someone else willing to endure the hell, that's when
I first began to get unstuck. But by then I had stuck myself in the drinking.
That took several more years of staying stuck and gradually doing worse
at work, in my marriage, and destroying myself physically.
When all that came to a head--my boss asked if I was drinking and I said yes,
I had been but I was stopping, she said "I know you are" and that was the
one indirect warning I got that my job was at risk, and my husband in tears
and angry said he'd "had enough" of my drunken rants, and my body was
bleeding and I could barely function I realized how stuck I was but had done
this to myself.
That's when I stopped, and got unstuck again.
But that's another installment in the story.
The stopping drinking was the one thing, the only thing
that saved me from ruin. It isn't an exaggeration to say
that sobriety has to be, must be the most important "thing"
people like us must do to have a future or any chance of
happiness or fulfillment.
It's been so for me, anyway--
I was stuck for years caregiving my alcoholic chain-smoking mother.
By the time I realized I could step back, I really couldn't as she had eroded
so much mentally and physically and had left her affairs totally undone--
Her house was a hoard and she was in and out of the hospital and nursing homes.
That's when my drinking really exploded, and I became my own worst problem.
When I gave her the ultimatum that if she drank and smoked her way back into
the hospital and nursing home yet again, I would no longer move heaven and earth to
get her back into her own home, but that she would stay in the nursing home
unless she could find someone else willing to endure the hell, that's when
I first began to get unstuck. But by then I had stuck myself in the drinking.
That took several more years of staying stuck and gradually doing worse
at work, in my marriage, and destroying myself physically.
When all that came to a head--my boss asked if I was drinking and I said yes,
I had been but I was stopping, she said "I know you are" and that was the
one indirect warning I got that my job was at risk, and my husband in tears
and angry said he'd "had enough" of my drunken rants, and my body was
bleeding and I could barely function I realized how stuck I was but had done
this to myself.
That's when I stopped, and got unstuck again.
But that's another installment in the story.
The stopping drinking was the one thing, the only thing
that saved me from ruin. It isn't an exaggeration to say
that sobriety has to be, must be the most important "thing"
people like us must do to have a future or any chance of
happiness or fulfillment.
It's been so for me, anyway--
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Everybody’s right, MB—that was a very good and thought-provoking post.
In a way I’m the opposite of the person in your post: everything about my “exterior” life is far, far better than it was five years ago. But when I examine my interior progress, I’m frustrated that I’m not farther along.
But I am!
I don’t default to selfishness all the time.
One big area—bitterness over past events—has dimmed substantially.
Though painful memories of how I’ve hurt people still pop into my head, they don’t linger and haunt me constantly.
I thought I was hopeless, but I think I really am in the process of forgiving myself.
That’s progress!
One big thing holding me back from progress is expectations that others don’t meet.
Well, as Dee sometimes says, “I stepped down from being manager of the universe”—and as I sometimes say, “Who died and made me empress?”
What other people do is their own business.
My job is to be content in all circumstances (unless I am actually being harmed, which I’m not).
But probably the biggest thing to conquer now is the habit of constantly criticizing myself. I’m very hard on myself—much harder than I am on others.
That’s where I’m stuck.
But now thanks to recovery I know enough to counter these self-loathing thoughts with more rational thoughts, like “Oh, BS!”
So maybe there’s been progress there, too!
In a way I’m the opposite of the person in your post: everything about my “exterior” life is far, far better than it was five years ago. But when I examine my interior progress, I’m frustrated that I’m not farther along.
But I am!
I don’t default to selfishness all the time.
One big area—bitterness over past events—has dimmed substantially.
Though painful memories of how I’ve hurt people still pop into my head, they don’t linger and haunt me constantly.
I thought I was hopeless, but I think I really am in the process of forgiving myself.
That’s progress!
One big thing holding me back from progress is expectations that others don’t meet.
Well, as Dee sometimes says, “I stepped down from being manager of the universe”—and as I sometimes say, “Who died and made me empress?”
What other people do is their own business.
My job is to be content in all circumstances (unless I am actually being harmed, which I’m not).
But probably the biggest thing to conquer now is the habit of constantly criticizing myself. I’m very hard on myself—much harder than I am on others.
That’s where I’m stuck.
But now thanks to recovery I know enough to counter these self-loathing thoughts with more rational thoughts, like “Oh, BS!”
So maybe there’s been progress there, too!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Good morning!
Im in for another sober weekend.
Good topic and i'll have to give it some thought. I find self development to be constant work but we do hit plateaus and sometimes feel stuck. At those times, maybe we have to muster up the energy to take a risk and get things moving again by making positive changes. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I've been stuck with weight loss for a while now....its not going to happen if i dont make some changes.
Ok...i need more coffee....see y'all later.
Im in for another sober weekend.
Good topic and i'll have to give it some thought. I find self development to be constant work but we do hit plateaus and sometimes feel stuck. At those times, maybe we have to muster up the energy to take a risk and get things moving again by making positive changes. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I've been stuck with weight loss for a while now....its not going to happen if i dont make some changes.
Ok...i need more coffee....see y'all later.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I'm in. Great topic, MB.
I do feel "stuck" sometimes. I feel stuck in the house that is too big and expensive for me. I feel stuck in the town I have lived in most of my life. I feel emotionally stuck sometimes - like I can't feel much happiness or sadness or really much of anything. Like life is just one big hamster wheel I can't get off.
BUT - then I look back at the nearly three years of sobriety, and realize how much less stuck I actually am than I was when drinking. I was truly stuck then, and even worse, an actual prisoner of my addiction. The things that make me feel stuck now are temporary. I can see a way to change them, in the future. I'm making plans to do just that. Nothing can be done in the short term about the house or where I live, but I realize I will have options in the next few years, and that's exciting. When I was drinking, feeling stuck was enough to get me to go on a major bender so I could forget about it for a while. Now, with a clearer head, I can make decisions that will allow me to move forward later.
And I can look at my life and realize how far I have actually come since getting sober. So when I feel stuck, I do two things. I think about long-term plans, and I also do something in the short-term. Like cleaning a closet. Or sorting the mail that piles up. Or even just go for a walk. These things help me get out of my head a little and give me a small sense of accomplishment.
I do feel "stuck" sometimes. I feel stuck in the house that is too big and expensive for me. I feel stuck in the town I have lived in most of my life. I feel emotionally stuck sometimes - like I can't feel much happiness or sadness or really much of anything. Like life is just one big hamster wheel I can't get off.
BUT - then I look back at the nearly three years of sobriety, and realize how much less stuck I actually am than I was when drinking. I was truly stuck then, and even worse, an actual prisoner of my addiction. The things that make me feel stuck now are temporary. I can see a way to change them, in the future. I'm making plans to do just that. Nothing can be done in the short term about the house or where I live, but I realize I will have options in the next few years, and that's exciting. When I was drinking, feeling stuck was enough to get me to go on a major bender so I could forget about it for a while. Now, with a clearer head, I can make decisions that will allow me to move forward later.
And I can look at my life and realize how far I have actually come since getting sober. So when I feel stuck, I do two things. I think about long-term plans, and I also do something in the short-term. Like cleaning a closet. Or sorting the mail that piles up. Or even just go for a walk. These things help me get out of my head a little and give me a small sense of accomplishment.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Thanks so much to MB for topic and to those who have responded with such reality and honesty. This kind of questioning is where my head is these days, so I look forward to chewing on this for the weekend ahead.
So many thoughts, so little time right now.
MB, your analogy was appropriate...the distances traveled cannot be measured externally. And those travels are rich and productive, regardless how much or little they show.
HAS, you voiced much that I also deal with in my work...I really really get you! We can’t let these situations steal our souls, ourselves, and SOBER we have the tools to advocate for ourselves and choose differently.
Hawkeye and Gilmer...incredible posts, thank you thank you.
Edit...MLD51, you were one of the practical, boots-on-the-ground voices that helped me set my expectations of sobriety, when i first joined SR. Some were living lives i could never aspire to. Your voice gave me a perspective I knew i could relate to and put hope in. Thank you for that.
So many thoughts, so little time right now.
MB, your analogy was appropriate...the distances traveled cannot be measured externally. And those travels are rich and productive, regardless how much or little they show.
HAS, you voiced much that I also deal with in my work...I really really get you! We can’t let these situations steal our souls, ourselves, and SOBER we have the tools to advocate for ourselves and choose differently.
Hawkeye and Gilmer...incredible posts, thank you thank you.
Edit...MLD51, you were one of the practical, boots-on-the-ground voices that helped me set my expectations of sobriety, when i first joined SR. Some were living lives i could never aspire to. Your voice gave me a perspective I knew i could relate to and put hope in. Thank you for that.
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
A lot of things resonated with me.
Gilmer said about self-criticism.
It's still super-easy for me to fall into self-hatred and stay there for very long time.
It is something I struggle a lot with.
Gilmer said about self-criticism.
It's still super-easy for me to fall into self-hatred and stay there for very long time.
It is something I struggle a lot with.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
BixBees said:
Edit...MLD51, you were one of the practical, boots-on-the-ground voices that helped me set my expectations of sobriety, when i first joined SR. Some were living lives i could never aspire to. Your voice gave me a perspective I knew i could relate to and put hope in. Thank you for that.
Bix - That is a high compliment, indeed. Thank you. I happy that my (mostly) practical approach resonates with you.
And may I say - I have watched you grow a ton over the past few months - keep on truckin'.
Edit...MLD51, you were one of the practical, boots-on-the-ground voices that helped me set my expectations of sobriety, when i first joined SR. Some were living lives i could never aspire to. Your voice gave me a perspective I knew i could relate to and put hope in. Thank you for that.
Bix - That is a high compliment, indeed. Thank you. I happy that my (mostly) practical approach resonates with you.
And may I say - I have watched you grow a ton over the past few months - keep on truckin'.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,201
IN!
Thank you for a most interesting OP MidnightBlue, as someone alluded to earlier (Dee I think) a lot of the time we get stuck because we fear change and we fear trying to change and failing. I knew that if I stopped drinking for even a short time I would yearn for a drink until I would eventually buy some. The thought of feeling like that permanently stopped me from making a serious effort to quit. It was only when my life became so unbearable through drinking that I finally faced up to what I was doing to myself. I was 54 and wish I had done it decades before but I left until I had no other choice.
On a different form of getting stuck, some years ago I got literally stuck in World War 2 tank, they cut the entrance hole too small you know. I ruined a good pair of jeans not to mention the humiliation of it all. If anyone wants to buy me one I am an XXL in tanks.
Thank you for a most interesting OP MidnightBlue, as someone alluded to earlier (Dee I think) a lot of the time we get stuck because we fear change and we fear trying to change and failing. I knew that if I stopped drinking for even a short time I would yearn for a drink until I would eventually buy some. The thought of feeling like that permanently stopped me from making a serious effort to quit. It was only when my life became so unbearable through drinking that I finally faced up to what I was doing to myself. I was 54 and wish I had done it decades before but I left until I had no other choice.
On a different form of getting stuck, some years ago I got literally stuck in World War 2 tank, they cut the entrance hole too small you know. I ruined a good pair of jeans not to mention the humiliation of it all. If anyone wants to buy me one I am an XXL in tanks.
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