I Think - No, I KNOW, I'm Done
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I Think - No, I KNOW, I'm Done
Good Morning, Friends. Happy Monday.
So, about a month ago I posted on whether God was actually listening to me and my (as Anvil posted: "demands!") - I think I got my answers this weekend. Here is the link if you want a refresher: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...wering-me.html (Maybe God Is Answering Me?)
AW had a milestone birthday yesterday and has been depressed about it, like we all have at one point or another when we pass through yet another decade of life. Anyway, she went out with some women from the neighborhood on Friday - drove herself, naturally. In times past, I would have waited up to make sure she's okay and sat there nervously. This time I had a good evening with the kiddo going to a high school football playoff game, then home to enjoy the quiet. I then went to bed without worry.
She came home surprisingly early (11:15), and went back downstairs after changing clothes. I woke up at 1:45, she was not in bed, so I went downstairs to see where she was passed out. Yep, on the toilet, snoring away! Have no idea how long she had been there, but she didn't come to bed until 4:40. So sad.
Saturday night she drank wine before dinner (the norm), then managed to down a half bottle while I was upstairs putting DS to bed. By 8:30 she was glassy-eyed and weaving. By 9:00 she is passed out, slumped over the island. Moving forward 15 minutes, her body is weaving back and forth while she is face-planted on the island. She leans a bit too far to the right and falls on the floor with a tremendous thud. She just barely missed hitting her head on the oven and the cabinets.
I slowly walk over, it takes her about 20 seconds to 'come to', and I stand there and watch her trying to get up. She looks in my direction (not sure if she can even see straight), and says, "It's just a little more time". HUH?? I said, "Time for what?" Her response, "Yeah, that's right, just that". She goes back to slumping on the island. I take the dog outside to do his business, and when I came back in she was passed out on the toilet. She was there for at least 3 hours that way. Yes, I took pictures.
Oh, and then Sunday was her birthday. DS was so excited about it, yet she didn't seem to care one bit anything we did for her. We took her out for brunch, gave her lots of cards and a present, made dinner, etc. I think DS sensed that she was being a moody b*tch.
So, I think God gave me all the answers I need to move forward. After January 1, I will be heading to my lawyer and starting the process. It's so sad that it has come to this, but I'm absolutely and completely done.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Coming back to this Forum has really helped push me forward. Thank you all!!
COD
So, about a month ago I posted on whether God was actually listening to me and my (as Anvil posted: "demands!") - I think I got my answers this weekend. Here is the link if you want a refresher: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...wering-me.html (Maybe God Is Answering Me?)
AW had a milestone birthday yesterday and has been depressed about it, like we all have at one point or another when we pass through yet another decade of life. Anyway, she went out with some women from the neighborhood on Friday - drove herself, naturally. In times past, I would have waited up to make sure she's okay and sat there nervously. This time I had a good evening with the kiddo going to a high school football playoff game, then home to enjoy the quiet. I then went to bed without worry.
She came home surprisingly early (11:15), and went back downstairs after changing clothes. I woke up at 1:45, she was not in bed, so I went downstairs to see where she was passed out. Yep, on the toilet, snoring away! Have no idea how long she had been there, but she didn't come to bed until 4:40. So sad.
Saturday night she drank wine before dinner (the norm), then managed to down a half bottle while I was upstairs putting DS to bed. By 8:30 she was glassy-eyed and weaving. By 9:00 she is passed out, slumped over the island. Moving forward 15 minutes, her body is weaving back and forth while she is face-planted on the island. She leans a bit too far to the right and falls on the floor with a tremendous thud. She just barely missed hitting her head on the oven and the cabinets.
I slowly walk over, it takes her about 20 seconds to 'come to', and I stand there and watch her trying to get up. She looks in my direction (not sure if she can even see straight), and says, "It's just a little more time". HUH?? I said, "Time for what?" Her response, "Yeah, that's right, just that". She goes back to slumping on the island. I take the dog outside to do his business, and when I came back in she was passed out on the toilet. She was there for at least 3 hours that way. Yes, I took pictures.
Oh, and then Sunday was her birthday. DS was so excited about it, yet she didn't seem to care one bit anything we did for her. We took her out for brunch, gave her lots of cards and a present, made dinner, etc. I think DS sensed that she was being a moody b*tch.
So, I think God gave me all the answers I need to move forward. After January 1, I will be heading to my lawyer and starting the process. It's so sad that it has come to this, but I'm absolutely and completely done.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Coming back to this Forum has really helped push me forward. Thank you all!!
COD
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Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry COD. I know this is hard, and the hardest seeing your DS be hurt by her choosing to be a moody B. Ugh.
Just know that we support you, we are here for you! I am so glad you do not get caught up in the same old cycles of trying to control her, because you know you cannot.
Big huge hugs!
Just know that we support you, we are here for you! I am so glad you do not get caught up in the same old cycles of trying to control her, because you know you cannot.
Big huge hugs!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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I'm glad to hear that you are following through with this. Wishing you energy in keeping the momentum going.
(Just a thought - why are you waiting until Jan 1, two months away? Have you considered making an appointment with a lawyer immediately, like this week? My limited experience is that the holidays [mid-December/mid-January] are crazy for family lawyers because of the all the holiday-related crises and disputes that come up. I think it's possible that if you waited until January to start the process, your matters might not get dealt with until early Feb, after the holiday backlog has cleared. That's an additional couple of months for you and your son to be in limbo).
(Just a thought - why are you waiting until Jan 1, two months away? Have you considered making an appointment with a lawyer immediately, like this week? My limited experience is that the holidays [mid-December/mid-January] are crazy for family lawyers because of the all the holiday-related crises and disputes that come up. I think it's possible that if you waited until January to start the process, your matters might not get dealt with until early Feb, after the holiday backlog has cleared. That's an additional couple of months for you and your son to be in limbo).
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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My suggestion is to have a meeting now so that the lawyer can tell you everything you should be doing between now and Jan 1 to prepare before you file. Not sure if you know who you're going to work with but I would definitely speak with a couple of different attorneys and BE SURE to find one who has experience with divorces with/from people that suffer from addiction/alcoholism. IT is not a standard case.
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Originally Posted by BAW81 
My suggestion is to have a meeting now so that the lawyer can tell you everything you should be doing between now and Jan 1 to prepare before you file. Not sure if you know who you're going to work with but I would definitely speak with a couple of different attorneys and BE SURE to find one who has experience with divorces with/from people that suffer from addiction/alcoholism. IT is not a standard case.
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I'm really sorry COD, but I'm also SUPER EXCITED for you.
I had a lot of AHA moments this weekend myself, told off a few very deserving people after months/years of laying back & observing. Must be something highly actionable about this Full Moon.
Isn't it funny how a lot of "rock bottom" moments arrive quietly, without pomp & circumstance? I mean, this was really just another normal weekend for you all, right?
I had a lot of AHA moments this weekend myself, told off a few very deserving people after months/years of laying back & observing. Must be something highly actionable about this Full Moon.
Isn't it funny how a lot of "rock bottom" moments arrive quietly, without pomp & circumstance? I mean, this was really just another normal weekend for you all, right?
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I would seriously at least call and have an appointment between now and then. Do you know if the person you want is still available? She could be on leave, etc.
I get not “ruining”the holidays...but chances are good her drinking will ruin them regardless. That also seven more weeks of high risk of liability if she hurts or kills someone driving drunk.
At least find out if you have option to protect your finances in that event?
I get not “ruining”the holidays...but chances are good her drinking will ruin them regardless. That also seven more weeks of high risk of liability if she hurts or kills someone driving drunk.
At least find out if you have option to protect your finances in that event?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Cod,
Sorry that it has come to this. See how sick we become taking pix of our drunk spouses passed out on the toilet. Normies would never believe our stories that we live on a daily basis.
Stay strong, don't engage and enjoy your holidays with ds, he is so deserving of a healthy home.
Sorry that it has come to this. See how sick we become taking pix of our drunk spouses passed out on the toilet. Normies would never believe our stories that we live on a daily basis.
Stay strong, don't engage and enjoy your holidays with ds, he is so deserving of a healthy home.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Taking pics of our addicts passed out drunk on the toilet... I took a pic of my addict writhing in the back yard. I thought, this is crazy, no one would believe this crap... so I took a pic. Then my phone erased it. Stupid phone.
I'm sorry for what you and your son have suffered. Time to move on and look after him, give the boy the energy he needs from you. Time to celebrate the holidays without the insanity. Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry for what you and your son have suffered. Time to move on and look after him, give the boy the energy he needs from you. Time to celebrate the holidays without the insanity. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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(((HUGS))) to you and DS COD...I know it isn't easy. If you do this, I can tell you that a year from now, your life will be so different...in the most amazing ways....and you'll just be sitting there wondering "what in the sam hell took me so long?!" LOL And then, in a healthier place....you'll let go of all that and will keep moving forward. Happy for you in this bittersweet time!
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COD - Forgive me if I missed it somewhere but is your DS in counseling? If not, perhaps you look into it ahead of this big step you know you're about to take. If your wife is passing out every night and noticeably absent during her birthday celebration, your son might need help making sense of all of it? And then the counselor becomes another person he can trust during what will definitely be a bumpy time, the divorce process.
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Originally Posted by BAW81
COD - Forgive me if I missed it somewhere but is your DS in counseling? If not, perhaps you look into it ahead of this big step you know you're about to take. If your wife is passing out every night and noticeably absent during her birthday celebration, your son might need help making sense of all of it? And then the counselor becomes another person he can trust during what will definitely be a bumpy time, the divorce process.
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Good Morning COD;
Just wanted to add my support.
I suppose you've already thought of this, but of course
you have those digital photos and journals stored away from the
house where she cannot access (like locked in a drawer at your job)
and back-up copies of the photos elsewhere?
I would not put it past her to try to destroy all of that once she knows
you are filing. . .
Just wanted to add my support.
I suppose you've already thought of this, but of course
you have those digital photos and journals stored away from the
house where she cannot access (like locked in a drawer at your job)
and back-up copies of the photos elsewhere?
I would not put it past her to try to destroy all of that once she knows
you are filing. . .
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Location: Central O-H-I-O
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Good Morning COD;
Just wanted to add my support.
I suppose you've already thought of this, but of course
you have those digital photos and journals stored away from the
house where she cannot access (like locked in a drawer at your job)
and back-up copies of the photos elsewhere?
I would not put it past her to try to destroy all of that once she knows
you are filing. . .
Just wanted to add my support.
I suppose you've already thought of this, but of course
you have those digital photos and journals stored away from the
house where she cannot access (like locked in a drawer at your job)
and back-up copies of the photos elsewhere?
I would not put it past her to try to destroy all of that once she knows
you are filing. . .
Thank you for the support. Some of the photos are on a hard-drive which is kept at work. The rest are all sent to an email address of which she knows nothing about. As soon as I know the files are sent to the email address successfully, I delete them from my phone.
I wouldn't put anything past her once the time arrives.
COD
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Sounds like you're ready and prepared. What a huge, brave step for you and your son! Seconding the thought on finding a counselor for your DS. From personal experience, child therapists often have long waits. In my area, which is a medium sized mid-west metropolitan area, it typically takes at least 2 months to get in for the initial appointment. When your child is in distress two months is an eternity, and school counselors tend to be only so effective, although the school counselor and your pediatrician would be good resources to locate a reputable child therapist.
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I'm very sorry you are going through this. But your post sheds a light in many here who are suffering, I'm sure, as I am also dealing with separation from an alcoholic right now and your strength inspires me.
Don't look back. I believe there are times we can't help. We can't keep starving ourselves to let them eat everything they want, and have MAYBE a few crumbles here and there. There's a time for everything, to build and to quit building, and you are doing the right thing for yourself and your son.
I wish you all happiness in this world.
Don't look back. I believe there are times we can't help. We can't keep starving ourselves to let them eat everything they want, and have MAYBE a few crumbles here and there. There's a time for everything, to build and to quit building, and you are doing the right thing for yourself and your son.
I wish you all happiness in this world.
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