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I think my fiancé feels threatened

Old 11-04-2017, 06:59 AM
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I think my fiancé feels threatened

So I'm 5 days in, feeling better other than my shaky hands. I get the feeling that my fiancé is feeling threatened by my sobriety although he doesn't drink and he wanted me to quit. He seems kind of down and is always staring at me. I have been taking better care of myself and this morning he almost seemed annoyed that I didn't want to eat a big breakfast but my appetite has definitely diminished. I have always preferred healthier foods except when I wake up from drinking and then I ate any greasy thing in sight to try to feel better. Is this a norm?
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Old 11-04-2017, 07:30 AM
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Our emotions are all over the place in the early days.
Maybe he’s just trying to give you space?
Try not to guess what he is thinking. Focus on not drinking.
Things will go the way they will go.
Congratulations on 5 days. Brilliant!
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Old 11-04-2017, 07:36 AM
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Maybe you're just more in tune to him now?

I agree with Maud, mind-reading is not my strong suit.

Other peoples' moods really have nothing to do with me.
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Old 11-04-2017, 08:14 AM
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Be kind to yourself. Try not to be too concerned about what he feels. Let him know that you will feel better in time and to give you some space. Your mind and body are trying to heal and get back on track. It takes time. Does he know you post on SR?
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Old 11-04-2017, 08:20 AM
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Congratulations on 5 days of recovery.

This is a time to listen to your body as you are doing. It could be that your fiancee doesn't really like change. Many of us feel threatened to some extent by change.
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Old 11-04-2017, 09:05 AM
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Thanks all. Yes he knows I post here. I think one of the main issues is that I talk here but have a hard time talking to him. I don't feel like he gets it, or gets me. He always talks about how he doesn't drink or smoke or whatever and how easy it is and how I have the most addictive personality he has ever seen. Maybe I'm just on edge.
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Old 11-04-2017, 10:01 AM
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Well, telling you you have an addictive personality isn’t the most supportive thing I have ever read.
Nor is saying it is easy for him to avoid drinking or smoking.
But never mind. This isn’t about him.
It’s about you and your sobriety.
What can you do to continue to stay sober?
Meetings? Spending time with like-minded people?
Learning as much as you can about alcohol dependency and addiction?
This is your time. Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to pursue recovery.
We got you.
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Old 11-04-2017, 10:55 AM
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At five days in, you could likely be on edge...but it kind of sounds like he's on edge too. So, what can you do? Try to just focus on yourself right now and block out some of the things he says that aren't helpful. If he keeps saying things that aren't helpful, maybe try to be assertive in just telling him, "Saying something like that is not helpful". Hopefully he'll listen to you.
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