Angelabright

Hi everyone. I've never joined one of these forums before and i;m not sure how i feel about it but i thought sometimes its easier to speak to strangers about the issues i'm facing because I get the feeling loved ones aren't really getting it.

I've been drinking since the age of 14 - my parents did and we were known for hosting very messy parties growing up. Drinking to get drunk has always been my approach to it and I am known for being the party girl. Unfortunately, i've continued that approach throughout my adult life, which in turn has lead me to be quite selfish when it comes to parenting. I'm sure i'm not the only one who just wants their kids to occupy themselves while we have 'me time'. Well, my 'me time' in the past couple of years has been from around 5pm and takes place most nights. Sometimes it may be half a bottle of wine, sometimes a whole bottle and as I need quite a lot of sleep bedtime was always by 9 and therefore my evenings were completely committed to alcohol.

I don't work and my husband works long hours and even thought the children are back from school by 4, they tend to be more interested in playing games and watching tv rather than having family time, so I suppose i've been quite lonely.

Over the past 6 months though, there's been a change. My memory has become very bad and i struggle retaining information, regardless of whether i've had a drink or not. This has seriously scared me and part of the reason I stopped drinking a week ago. The other reason is that I'm fed up with embarrassing myself and feeling guilty for my children.

Over the past week, I've not found it difficult not to drink but my god, i'm bored! And I'm so tired all the time! I don't know if that's normal or if there is something wrong with me... I'd like to think that one i will be able to enjoy a couple of drinks but I just don't think I will. I need to get as healthy as possible so I can fully see the benefits of not drinking but at the moment i just feel like i have a constant head fuzz... I know it'll be worth it, it has to be surely?

Anyway, I hope everyone is well and that we can help support each other in whichever way we can.

Thanks

DreamCatcher17

Welcome!
It can take a year or more for the brain to recover from all the toxicity it was exposed to, chemically speaking.
What you are currently feeling, tired and board. Totally normal! Welcome to the club. It'll get better.
I would suggest finding something else to do with your time.
Do something with the kids, even if you are tired.
Definitely, work out, something physical, eat well to give you better healthy energy.
Read, go to a meeting, start a new hobby, knitting, painting, walking, there are so many things I believe we as alcoholics never did because we were too busy drinking.

I know I rather be too busy living than sitting on my butt drinking.

Best of luck, remember acceptance is key !
I bet you will fin d a lot of good information and support here.

Hevyn

Welcome, Angela! I'm so glad you found us & decided to post.

The feelings you're having are very common - I was all over the place in the early days. I had to learn to live again in a whole new way. Resentment was part of it too - I was angry that I had to admit I could never control the amounts I drank. You mention being tired - I was exhausted - it's a big adjustment. Everything got better & easier - I grew to love my new sober life - no more being numb & foggy. No more reckless behavior.

It's good you're seeing the dangers of continuing the way you were. I wish I had at a much younger age. I hope you'll stay with us - we understand like no one else can.

Dee74

Welcome Angela
I found the support here really helps

I think once you start looking you'll find there's not enough hours in the day to do all you want to do

D