Day 1- breaking up, surgery, and admitting the problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 3
Day 1- breaking up, surgery, and admitting the problem
I am going through a heady trifecta of recovering from ACL knee surgery (5 weeks today), a breakup with my boyfriend of 8 years, and coming to grips with the realization that I have a drinking problem (which is also the major source of current break up). I know that normal people don't drink the way I do (alone with a bottle of whiskey is my choice of poison). Drinking used to be a treat- a celebration. Now it just feels sad.
I am scared though- it's so easy to grab that bottle & check out.
I have been feeling a lot of pressure from work... and it doesn't help that drinking makes me less productive, less able to cope with the high performance standard that I and others around me expect. I have spent a lot of time lately just letting people know I am struggling. From my tiny insecurities that I am going to go to physical therapy without shaving my legs to just even telling my sister and best friend what is going on (that my relationship is failing and that I have a drinking problem). Without being too specific about what my job is- suffice it to say that I have what was supposed to be my dream job. Two years ago I had a panic attack during a meeting and since then I have been self medicating with alcohol. And the self-medication became more... it became me not dealing with my problems. Then it began making my problems worse.
There is an AA meeting that I can walk to tomorrow that I am going to check out- I have gone to one before and I didn't like how sad everyone felt. I also know that I can afford a therapist and this is what therapy is meant for. Has anyone had luck with CBT therapy?
I am scared about withdrawals. My boyfriend is still here- I'm not alone. I trust that if anything bad happens he will take care of me. I have been having a lot of trouble eating lately- hard to separate what is from alcohol, what is from surgery, and what is from heartbreak.
I also went and bought a pregnancy test today. I am not even 24 hours sober right now, but the nausea and hyper sensitivity to smell was worrying me (results were negative, thank goodness)
I am scared to post this, but I need to commit. I need to commit to sobriety and admit I have a problem... and work on the solution....
Which is not drinking.
I am scared though- it's so easy to grab that bottle & check out.
I have been feeling a lot of pressure from work... and it doesn't help that drinking makes me less productive, less able to cope with the high performance standard that I and others around me expect. I have spent a lot of time lately just letting people know I am struggling. From my tiny insecurities that I am going to go to physical therapy without shaving my legs to just even telling my sister and best friend what is going on (that my relationship is failing and that I have a drinking problem). Without being too specific about what my job is- suffice it to say that I have what was supposed to be my dream job. Two years ago I had a panic attack during a meeting and since then I have been self medicating with alcohol. And the self-medication became more... it became me not dealing with my problems. Then it began making my problems worse.
There is an AA meeting that I can walk to tomorrow that I am going to check out- I have gone to one before and I didn't like how sad everyone felt. I also know that I can afford a therapist and this is what therapy is meant for. Has anyone had luck with CBT therapy?
I am scared about withdrawals. My boyfriend is still here- I'm not alone. I trust that if anything bad happens he will take care of me. I have been having a lot of trouble eating lately- hard to separate what is from alcohol, what is from surgery, and what is from heartbreak.
I also went and bought a pregnancy test today. I am not even 24 hours sober right now, but the nausea and hyper sensitivity to smell was worrying me (results were negative, thank goodness)
I am scared to post this, but I need to commit. I need to commit to sobriety and admit I have a problem... and work on the solution....
Which is not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by WhenStarsGoBlue 
I am going through a heady trifecta of recovering from ACL knee surgery (5 weeks today), a breakup with my boyfriend of 8 years, and coming to grips with the realization that I have a drinking problem (which is also the major source of current break up). I know that normal people don't drink the way I do (alone with a bottle of whiskey is my choice of poison). Drinking used to be a treat- a celebration. Now it just feels sad.
I am scared though- it's so easy to grab that bottle & check out.
I have been feeling a lot of pressure from work... and it doesn't help that drinking makes me less productive, less able to cope with the high performance standard that I and others around me expect. I have spent a lot of time lately just letting people know I am struggling. From my tiny insecurities that I am going to go to physical therapy without shaving my legs to just even telling my sister and best friend what is going on (that my relationship is failing and that I have a drinking problem). Without being too specific about what my job is- suffice it to say that I have what was supposed to be my dream job. Two years ago I had a panic attack during a meeting and since then I have been self medicating with alcohol. And the self-medication became more... it became me not dealing with my problems. Then it began making my problems worse.
There is an AA meeting that I can walk to tomorrow that I am going to check out- I have gone to one before and I didn't like how sad everyone felt. I also know that I can afford a therapist and this is what therapy is meant for. Has anyone had luck with CBT therapy?
I am scared about withdrawals. My boyfriend is still here- I'm not alone. I trust that if anything bad happens he will take care of me. I have been having a lot of trouble eating lately- hard to separate what is from alcohol, what is from surgery, and what is from heartbreak.
I also went and bought a pregnancy test today. I am not even 24 hours sober right now, but the nausea and hyper sensitivity to smell was worrying me (results were negative, thank goodness)
I am scared to post this, but I need to commit. I need to commit to sobriety and admit I have a problem... and work on the solution....
Which is not drinking.
I am scared though- it's so easy to grab that bottle & check out.
I have been feeling a lot of pressure from work... and it doesn't help that drinking makes me less productive, less able to cope with the high performance standard that I and others around me expect. I have spent a lot of time lately just letting people know I am struggling. From my tiny insecurities that I am going to go to physical therapy without shaving my legs to just even telling my sister and best friend what is going on (that my relationship is failing and that I have a drinking problem). Without being too specific about what my job is- suffice it to say that I have what was supposed to be my dream job. Two years ago I had a panic attack during a meeting and since then I have been self medicating with alcohol. And the self-medication became more... it became me not dealing with my problems. Then it began making my problems worse.
There is an AA meeting that I can walk to tomorrow that I am going to check out- I have gone to one before and I didn't like how sad everyone felt. I also know that I can afford a therapist and this is what therapy is meant for. Has anyone had luck with CBT therapy?
I am scared about withdrawals. My boyfriend is still here- I'm not alone. I trust that if anything bad happens he will take care of me. I have been having a lot of trouble eating lately- hard to separate what is from alcohol, what is from surgery, and what is from heartbreak.
I also went and bought a pregnancy test today. I am not even 24 hours sober right now, but the nausea and hyper sensitivity to smell was worrying me (results were negative, thank goodness)
I am scared to post this, but I need to commit. I need to commit to sobriety and admit I have a problem... and work on the solution....
Which is not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 149
Hey. I hope you get through the first few days ok. I'm on day 2 and its very tough mentally.
CBT has worked well for me and I would recommend it. I've found that times I haven't been continuing to do CBT my mood and behaviour can get out of control.
I haven't tried an AA meeting yet but I'm desperate for this time to work so I may give it a go. I would like to know how your AA meeting goes. I too, haven't gone because they have that sort of sad look to them. But perhaps this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Hope you manage the first few days ok.
CBT has worked well for me and I would recommend it. I've found that times I haven't been continuing to do CBT my mood and behaviour can get out of control.
I haven't tried an AA meeting yet but I'm desperate for this time to work so I may give it a go. I would like to know how your AA meeting goes. I too, haven't gone because they have that sort of sad look to them. But perhaps this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Hope you manage the first few days ok.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
I am certainly very sorry for these hard circumstances, but could there be a better time to quit? If you do, and give it a solid couple of months you will be shocked at how much better it be. Life still happens, but adding alcohol makes it harder, many ways worse.
GL.
You can and deserve to be happy.
Jules
GL.
You can and deserve to be happy.
Jules
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 5
I’ve always been told & also tell my kids, “Anything in life worth working for is going to be hard, but worth it!”
My own journey has proven this to me. My light bulb moment is different than yours, but the end result is the same...sobriety. Keep your eye on the constant goal of sobriety. I wish u lots of luck in your journey!
My own journey has proven this to me. My light bulb moment is different than yours, but the end result is the same...sobriety. Keep your eye on the constant goal of sobriety. I wish u lots of luck in your journey!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Sounds like a hard day, with or without an alcohol problem.
Nice that your boyfriend is there for you despite a looming breakup, lean on his friendship and the people at AA. The part of them that makes them express their sadness is the part of them that knows to nurture others.
Sending you healing thoughts and a hug.
Nice that your boyfriend is there for you despite a looming breakup, lean on his friendship and the people at AA. The part of them that makes them express their sadness is the part of them that knows to nurture others.
Sending you healing thoughts and a hug.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi WSGB -
Sounds like you recognize the cost that alcohol is having on your life & you're thinking through your options.
Quitting alcohol is going to be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. It is hard work, but worth it.
I tried and failed a bunch, (always learning from it tho) until I made quitting my number 1 priority & renewed that vow daily.
We're here for you!
Sounds like you recognize the cost that alcohol is having on your life & you're thinking through your options.
Quitting alcohol is going to be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. It is hard work, but worth it.
I tried and failed a bunch, (always learning from it tho) until I made quitting my number 1 priority & renewed that vow daily.
We're here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 3
Day 3.5
Just a quick update... still sober & feeling so much better even with everything that is happening. I told my sister & parents about everything which was so scary. My sister flew out to support me which is amazing of her. I've been feeling so alone for so long. To open up & be vulnerable and instead of my deepest fears- being met with judgment & shame I have received only love & support.
I read some of Brene Brown's "Braving the Wilderness" tonight & sobbed like a child. Also reading posts here when I need a little pick up. Thanks everyone!
I read some of Brene Brown's "Braving the Wilderness" tonight & sobbed like a child. Also reading posts here when I need a little pick up. Thanks everyone!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Awesome update!
I'm so glad that your sister is coming to be with you - there's a magical thing when we allow ourselves to lean on someone when we need support. It's a good karma kind of thing in both directions.
Lookit you, too. You're halfway to a week already.
O
I'm so glad that your sister is coming to be with you - there's a magical thing when we allow ourselves to lean on someone when we need support. It's a good karma kind of thing in both directions.
Lookit you, too. You're halfway to a week already.
O
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