anxiousrock

2 day bender, feel horrible, anxious, guilty, ashamed and scared. Apologize to everyone.
Then, 2 days later you’re wondering if you can “get away” with it, just one more time.
I don’t want to drink. I want to be sober. But the stupid AV keeps coming back to me.

Forward12

Write this down and remember exactly what happens when you drink. Consider this a blessing as it gets nothing but worse if you continue on.

SimplyFree

An AA meeting or having a sober friend or sponsor to help in the early days is super helpful. Those are difficult moments, but not impossible! Be here, post here, obsorb the encouragement and wisdom of this community. It does work.

anxiousrock

The sad thing is I have written it all down, many times. But I’ll be sober a few weeks then drink again.
I go to AA and just got a temporary sponsor. Sometimes I think I’m hopeless and I’ll be like this forever.

Ghostlight1

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I went through it for twenty years until I just drank and drank.
You're going to AA and that's great. It really helped me.
But one thing was, I had to take responsibility for my actions and stop blaming an AV.
It was me making the decision to drink not some other entity or other me making the decision to drink. It was me. All of me.

Unfortunately, I became addicted. Then I had no choice. All I could do is drink to stave off the horrible withdrawals. And take away the debilitating fear, anxiety and impending feeling of doom.
I had to take responsibility for my actions. Once I did that, I could begin to recover and realize that it was me, all of me making the decision to drink. Not some disembodied Av.

Keep trying. Own up to your problem and take responsibility.
It really is up to you when we get right down to it.
I found when I discovered AA that people were owning up to their alcoholism. So I did too. Then I could make progress.

Best to you and keep trying. That voice is you, and you can get a reprieve from it.

Dee74

I hope going to AA and finding a sponsor will help Anarock

when you make the decision to drink again do you really think this time might be different?

D

anxiousrock

No of course it won’t be different. But I’ll convince myself it will be just so I can drink. I’ll tell myself that it will be okay or that I’ll just have a couple drinks.
But of course I won’t and then I’ll end up feeling horrible again and back to day 1.

loud430

Anarock Ive been there so many times. Whatever you are feeling, tell us, your sponsor, other trusted friends. We are here to help and you will pull through this.

Dee74

There comes a point tho when you have enough information stored to make a different choice.

I hope you're at or very near that point anarock.

Put everything you have into the fight.

Next time you try to convince yourself you'll be ok, come here and post instead?

D

thomas11

What you describe above is the very trap so many of us fall in. We convince ourselves the next time it will be different, and it never is. If and when you can accept that it will not be different, things might change a little.

Horn95

Yep.

Nonsensical

My AV used to tell me the same thing. What better reason to drink than being hopeless? Just another lie. It's not even very subtle when you stop to think about it.

Hope isn't just a noun, it's also a verb. Crazy thing is, the more I do it, the more I have it.

You have work to do. Get after it.

You can do this.

Dee74

hows it going today Anarock?

D

anxiousrock

Other than nausea and exhaustion, it’s going good. I think both of those things are from the stress of how busy work has been but that should be over tomorrow.
Of course today it’s easy to stay busy, we’ve had soooo many kids at the house for candy!!