Sadness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 16
Sadness
Haven't posted in a long time, but I've been reading. I kept my boundary of I will not live with an active alcoholic and go down that dark road with him again. 27 days After rehab, He relapsed, a ridiculous shitstorm nightmare was triggered but he finally left. It's been 2 months. He asked a few weeks ago for a chance and if he could stay the night because of withdrawals. I let him in, he was good for a couple of days (still lived apart) before I found vodka again. He knew the deal and walked out quietly. His stuff is still here but I'm working on getting it out.
He has a new position offer 3 hrs away. He believes hes fine because he holds down a job and that therefore proves that I'm crazy and just controlling for not allowing him drinking "responsibly" in my life.
He asked if I wanted him to stay and try again. I told him That i love him and always will but if its easier for him to walk away fro. Me that it is to walk away from drinking, thats not the kind of life i want. I refuse to take second place when I made him my priority. He doesn't see it as his choice, he still doesn't take responsibility and doesn't think he's choosing drinking over our relationship.
I'm staying strong and even though it hurts so bad, i know that my life will never be good with him in it and recovery is not likely after 5 rehabs in 3 years.
Here's what i want to kno... how long before the guilt and questioning every thought and sadness start to subside? I. Journaling, doing workbooks and in therapy myself. I can recognize the irrational thoughts and cognitive dissonance and see things clearly, but the deep pain is still there eating away at my core.
He has a new position offer 3 hrs away. He believes hes fine because he holds down a job and that therefore proves that I'm crazy and just controlling for not allowing him drinking "responsibly" in my life.
He asked if I wanted him to stay and try again. I told him That i love him and always will but if its easier for him to walk away fro. Me that it is to walk away from drinking, thats not the kind of life i want. I refuse to take second place when I made him my priority. He doesn't see it as his choice, he still doesn't take responsibility and doesn't think he's choosing drinking over our relationship.
I'm staying strong and even though it hurts so bad, i know that my life will never be good with him in it and recovery is not likely after 5 rehabs in 3 years.
Here's what i want to kno... how long before the guilt and questioning every thought and sadness start to subside? I. Journaling, doing workbooks and in therapy myself. I can recognize the irrational thoughts and cognitive dissonance and see things clearly, but the deep pain is still there eating away at my core.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Scorpiogirl.
It takes time, and everyone has a different timeline of healing.
Just know that you did the right thing, the smart thing, and the brave thing.
Life with an addict is hard, hard, hard.
Some NEVER get to where you are: recognizing that this is who your SO is, and he is unlikely to change.
Peace.
It takes time, and everyone has a different timeline of healing.
Just know that you did the right thing, the smart thing, and the brave thing.
Life with an addict is hard, hard, hard.
Some NEVER get to where you are: recognizing that this is who your SO is, and he is unlikely to change.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 34
From my perspective I don’t know if it ever fully goes away. It’s part of the “crazy making” of the situation for me, he is my “alcohol” any contact in any variety releases the same addictive response in me that alcohol gives him. Talk about ironic. Abstaining completely is the only way I can have peace and proper perspective. Even the slightest contact can cause me to ruminate. Writing seems to help a lot and also track the emotions I’m working through. I have been thinking a lot about a post I read here about releasing your emotions. I feel that might be helpful I think for me part of my codepency is silencing my emotions shoving them down and maybe releasing them in a harmless way would also release my need to revisit, ruminate, and Live in pain. My qualifier is in Detox now and I plan on using this precious drama free/contact free time to continue to detox from him.
I hope your situation isn’t like mine however I feel that codepency follows a particular pattern varying in intensity. I hope you find a way to process your pain around the situation and make peace with it.
I hope your situation isn’t like mine however I feel that codepency follows a particular pattern varying in intensity. I hope you find a way to process your pain around the situation and make peace with it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Sg,
I feel am only person away from being another "codie" to someone sick. I feel i need to work on myself continually to stay healthy. I don't think i can ever be cured from my behavior, as it will be an on going challenge for me. That's why 3 years after my divorce I am still here reaffirming my commitment to a healthy mental attitude.
Even 3 years out, I still hope that axh will have a moment of clarity some day and find sobriey, but it is no longer an obsession. That to me is healing. We have to feel the pain, hit that rock bottom, to fully change. Embrace it, feel it, and know that you will be ok. Hugs.
I feel am only person away from being another "codie" to someone sick. I feel i need to work on myself continually to stay healthy. I don't think i can ever be cured from my behavior, as it will be an on going challenge for me. That's why 3 years after my divorce I am still here reaffirming my commitment to a healthy mental attitude.
Even 3 years out, I still hope that axh will have a moment of clarity some day and find sobriey, but it is no longer an obsession. That to me is healing. We have to feel the pain, hit that rock bottom, to fully change. Embrace it, feel it, and know that you will be ok. Hugs.
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