Prisoner of Boyfriends Addiction
Bulldogs46
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 21
Prisoner of Boyfriends Addiction
Hi Guys,
I'm not a recovering addict myself, but have been in a relationship with someone who was an addict to a large spectrum of drugs and alcohol and he even went as far as selling it. We met in a recovery unit, me for depression and at the time I thought he was there for the same, but later came to find out that he had of horrid past of drugs and alcohol abuse. I should have know to get out then, but at the time I was at such a low point in my life that any attention from anyone felt good. I eventually ended up falling in love with him and he eventually moved in with me for almost a year. His alcohol and drug abuse became worse and worse each day and there were weekly visits to the ER because of it. He eventually had to leave and go back home because he had busted out a window in my apartment and I had become emotionally and physically drained with trying to keep him sober and safe. I wasn't going to enable him any further and watch him die in front of me. I had become a prisoner to his addiction. Even though he moved back to his hometown we still remained a couple. I have not seen him in years because he had shown no change even though he made promise after promise to get sober. There were lies and cheating on his part constantly. Recently he went to a sober facility where he stayed 6 months and we talked on a daily basis, but during that time he met another addict in recovery. He lied and told me over and over again there was no one. He left because she had left and both got together where they both relapsed. He went on for two months doing every drug possible and he eventually went back to treatment in June. He left treatment a month ago and before leaving he was already talking about using. He just went through 2 weeks of horrible withdrawals from Suboxone and he went on to say he just wanted to get a fix. He has had no where to go or stay because all of his family and friends have basically cut him out their lives. The girl from recovery went to pick him up from the recovery center and offered him to live with her, but he declined and said it just wasnt right. He was staying with his dad, but his dad told him it was time to go. He tried several places to rent, but he was not approved because he owed money to the previous place that he rented. He begged and begged to come live with me but I could not allow that because he was still talking of using and I was not going to be his enabler. We were making plans to see one another and he was constantly telling me how much he loved me, I was his one true love and that if he were to ever marry again, it would be me. I thought everything was going great, until I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he had met in recovery. He told me there was nothing between them and they were just friends. He told me he was going off on a boys weekend this past weekend and come to find out he was with her and had moved in with her. He didn't have the decency to tell me the truth. He was telling me he loved me till the day he left with her. I called him wanting an explanation and he had me on speaker with her there and I asked him how he could say all those things and he proceeded to call me a liar and said that he never said those things and I tend to ruin his life every time. I'm so heart broken right now and I don't understand his logic and how he could treat someone like that or even why. He has been daily part of my life for the past 5 years and I just cant imagine him not being there any longer. I need some insight from some of you and try to understand why he may have went so far as to do what he did.
I'm not a recovering addict myself, but have been in a relationship with someone who was an addict to a large spectrum of drugs and alcohol and he even went as far as selling it. We met in a recovery unit, me for depression and at the time I thought he was there for the same, but later came to find out that he had of horrid past of drugs and alcohol abuse. I should have know to get out then, but at the time I was at such a low point in my life that any attention from anyone felt good. I eventually ended up falling in love with him and he eventually moved in with me for almost a year. His alcohol and drug abuse became worse and worse each day and there were weekly visits to the ER because of it. He eventually had to leave and go back home because he had busted out a window in my apartment and I had become emotionally and physically drained with trying to keep him sober and safe. I wasn't going to enable him any further and watch him die in front of me. I had become a prisoner to his addiction. Even though he moved back to his hometown we still remained a couple. I have not seen him in years because he had shown no change even though he made promise after promise to get sober. There were lies and cheating on his part constantly. Recently he went to a sober facility where he stayed 6 months and we talked on a daily basis, but during that time he met another addict in recovery. He lied and told me over and over again there was no one. He left because she had left and both got together where they both relapsed. He went on for two months doing every drug possible and he eventually went back to treatment in June. He left treatment a month ago and before leaving he was already talking about using. He just went through 2 weeks of horrible withdrawals from Suboxone and he went on to say he just wanted to get a fix. He has had no where to go or stay because all of his family and friends have basically cut him out their lives. The girl from recovery went to pick him up from the recovery center and offered him to live with her, but he declined and said it just wasnt right. He was staying with his dad, but his dad told him it was time to go. He tried several places to rent, but he was not approved because he owed money to the previous place that he rented. He begged and begged to come live with me but I could not allow that because he was still talking of using and I was not going to be his enabler. We were making plans to see one another and he was constantly telling me how much he loved me, I was his one true love and that if he were to ever marry again, it would be me. I thought everything was going great, until I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he had met in recovery. He told me there was nothing between them and they were just friends. He told me he was going off on a boys weekend this past weekend and come to find out he was with her and had moved in with her. He didn't have the decency to tell me the truth. He was telling me he loved me till the day he left with her. I called him wanting an explanation and he had me on speaker with her there and I asked him how he could say all those things and he proceeded to call me a liar and said that he never said those things and I tend to ruin his life every time. I'm so heart broken right now and I don't understand his logic and how he could treat someone like that or even why. He has been daily part of my life for the past 5 years and I just cant imagine him not being there any longer. I need some insight from some of you and try to understand why he may have went so far as to do what he did.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Sending you a hug.
He used you. He’s using her. And now that he’s got the two of you focused on each other, I would bet my car you haven’t heard the last of him. She’ll get fed up with the stealing and lying and cheating and then he’ll come back to you. Rinse, repeat.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with love. That’s just a word that gets him what he needs: his drug of choice and the space to use it.
If anything, try to feel sorry for her. He’s doing to her what he’s done to you.
I hope you can write him off as a bad idea and get on with your one life. You did everything you could, more than you should, and certainly more than most would. Enough.
Wishing you clarity and strength.
He used you. He’s using her. And now that he’s got the two of you focused on each other, I would bet my car you haven’t heard the last of him. She’ll get fed up with the stealing and lying and cheating and then he’ll come back to you. Rinse, repeat.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with love. That’s just a word that gets him what he needs: his drug of choice and the space to use it.
If anything, try to feel sorry for her. He’s doing to her what he’s done to you.
I hope you can write him off as a bad idea and get on with your one life. You did everything you could, more than you should, and certainly more than most would. Enough.
Wishing you clarity and strength.
Bulldogs46
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 21
Thank you for your response, but It doesn't take away the fact that I will constantly worry about his sobriety and his well being. He has come so close to death so many times and not being there to support him to get help, just kills me. I guess I can only blame myself for sticking around and allowing him to continue to lie and cheat his way through these past 5 years. When he was at his lowest or he had cheated, I would be the one that he would always call and it would be the same apologies or lies from before. Nothing was ever his fault and I was the blame for it all. No matter how bad he has hurt me, I've always taken him back because I kept telling myself that if he loves me as much as he says he does, then he will change.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
In all relationships, it is so much healthier to focus on another person's ACTIONS, and not their WORDS. Words are flimsy. Actions are concrete.
He has shown you time and again who he is, regardless of who he says he is. When you can accept that and believe him, it will be easier to move on.
He is just doing what addicts do. If it had not been you, it would have been someone else, as he has demonstrated.
You deserve better than what he has to offer.
He has shown you time and again who he is, regardless of who he says he is. When you can accept that and believe him, it will be easier to move on.
He is just doing what addicts do. If it had not been you, it would have been someone else, as he has demonstrated.
You deserve better than what he has to offer.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
He did it to protect himself. He has done you a favor. Now run and block him from ever contacting you.
He will keep doing the same things over and over.
Don't be sad! This is a ew beginning of a new life without all the drama and worry of living with an addict. Imagine how much Colmer and at peace you're going to feel. Spend sometime with yourself and be excited for what's next to come. Dropping this toxic person my open your life to new possibilities.
I am sorry that you are in pain but remember that this will pass and you will learn from it. Can't change what has happened, we can only grow and move on.
He will keep doing the same things over and over.
Don't be sad! This is a ew beginning of a new life without all the drama and worry of living with an addict. Imagine how much Colmer and at peace you're going to feel. Spend sometime with yourself and be excited for what's next to come. Dropping this toxic person my open your life to new possibilities.
I am sorry that you are in pain but remember that this will pass and you will learn from it. Can't change what has happened, we can only grow and move on.
Bulldogs46
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 21
Thank You Anna. I know through prayer and God's strength I will make it. Right now it's just so fresh and it hurts my heart that he could do this. He's done this so many times before, but I guess love is blind and my heart and my addiction to his addiction has caused me to continue to except his behavior. I can only blame myself for allowing it and I'm a foul for doing so.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by chambersk71 
Thank You Anna. I know through prayer and God's strength I will make it. Right now it's just so fresh and it hurts my heart that he could do this. He's done this so many times before, but I guess love is blind and my heart and my addiction to his addiction has caused me to continue to except his behavior. I can only blame myself for allowing it and I'm a foul for doing so.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by chambersk71
Thank you for your response, but It doesn't take away the fact that I will constantly worry about his sobriety and his well being.
you can care about his well being as much as ya want but that wont help him get clean and sober.
you didnt cause it
you cant control it
you cant cure it.
why are you allowing all this to happen to yourself?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by chambersk71
my addiction to his addiction has caused me to continue to except his behavior. I can only blame myself for allowing it and I'm a foul for doing so.
and accept responsibility for what happens from NOW- treat that addiction ya have. theres a great F&F forum with a LOT of knowledge and wisdom from people that have been in your shoes.
Bulldogs46
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 21
Tomsteve.....I really don't have an answer to your question of why? I guess because behind all the drugs and alcohol there is a great person there and I never wanted to give up hope on him like everyone else had. He calls him self sober right now but he is still repeating the same patterns of behavior that he has always......LIE, LIE, LIE. He went against what all rehabs tell you not to do...Hook up with another addict, get into a relationship, etc. He had the audacity to tell me the day before he left with her that he was told that he needed to wait to be in a relationship and he needed to work on himself. He may love this girl, but I think he saw an opportunity to have someone who would except his addiction and not judge him because she is also a newly recovering addict herself, a free place to live because he had no where else to go and her parents are footing the bill. I wasn't going to allow him to live off of me and use his $720 of disability a month to blow it on his addiction. I know his addiction will raise it's ugly head soon because just days ago he was talking about going out and using. Do you think this relationship will last between him and her?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Consider yourself lucky to have escaped him and his BS. You deserve better. 
It doesn't matter 'why' he used you as he did, the only thing that matters is that you're free of him now and can build a good life for yourself.
It doesn't matter 'why' he used you as he did, the only thing that matters is that you're free of him now and can build a good life for yourself.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Let's assume for one moment that the new relationship with the rehab woman ends and he contacts you again professing his undying love for you and the desire to move in together.
What will you do?
Is it in your best interest to be with someone who regularly lies, cheats, and steals?
If your sister or a good female friend came to with this same story, how would you advise her?
These aren't questions you have to answer here, but I hope that you will, perhaps, give them some thought.
Please take good care of yourself!
What will you do?
Is it in your best interest to be with someone who regularly lies, cheats, and steals?
If your sister or a good female friend came to with this same story, how would you advise her?
These aren't questions you have to answer here, but I hope that you will, perhaps, give them some thought.
Please take good care of yourself!
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