Two years later...an update
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 196
Two years later...an update
Hi everyone - I haven't posted in a long time but I am feeling pretty content tonight so I thought I'd post an update.
It's been just over two years since I left XAH, and just over a year that the divorce has been finalized.
I will not say it has been easy. XAH has alternated between being angry and verbally abusive, to being remorseful. We have two dogs together, that he had for most of the first year and a half after I left. He also was supposed to buy me out of the home we own together. He has used the dogs and the money from the home against me since I left.
So, the good news. I now have the dogs full time. He works in another state now, so he doesn't bother me about them. Also, he has paid me what he owes me for the house.
It is indescribably difficult to completely eliminate your partner of 18 years from your life. In my case, it had to be done. I still occasionally miss the good times. XAH could plan a hell of a vacation. And he is a great cook. Sometimes I miss those things, and at times the good memories outweigh the bad. But then I look back at some of the hurtful messages he has sent me. Or he'll call me when he's drunk. And I remember why I left.
These days I am not living in the chaos I have for the past 18 years. Really, I've lived in chaos my entire life. But not anymore. Life is good on the other side. I have my dogs. They are safe and happy. Leaving was the hardest thing I have done, although I've not regretting leaving for a minute.
Peace and love to you all.
It's been just over two years since I left XAH, and just over a year that the divorce has been finalized.
I will not say it has been easy. XAH has alternated between being angry and verbally abusive, to being remorseful. We have two dogs together, that he had for most of the first year and a half after I left. He also was supposed to buy me out of the home we own together. He has used the dogs and the money from the home against me since I left.
So, the good news. I now have the dogs full time. He works in another state now, so he doesn't bother me about them. Also, he has paid me what he owes me for the house.
It is indescribably difficult to completely eliminate your partner of 18 years from your life. In my case, it had to be done. I still occasionally miss the good times. XAH could plan a hell of a vacation. And he is a great cook. Sometimes I miss those things, and at times the good memories outweigh the bad. But then I look back at some of the hurtful messages he has sent me. Or he'll call me when he's drunk. And I remember why I left.
These days I am not living in the chaos I have for the past 18 years. Really, I've lived in chaos my entire life. But not anymore. Life is good on the other side. I have my dogs. They are safe and happy. Leaving was the hardest thing I have done, although I've not regretting leaving for a minute.
Peace and love to you all.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 527
Thank you for the update. I have been gone 17 months and like you, I miss some of the old life I have ...so I have had to work on building a new life. Money has been a concern and a limitation. Also I left behind some friends and neighbors because I wanted no contact with xah. I still am healing from the emotional abuse. But my life is completely my own now. I am having fun and receiving caring and love from family and friends... And no longer feeling guilty about that. That is a big plus. I don't really understand why xah would make me feel guilty about being happy... But he didn't like it and he knew how to make me feel guilty. Not a nice feeling!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
TFM, I remember you also. Thanks for taking the time to come back and update. I love to read people's updates and see how far they've come.
I'm glad you've made it through the worst of your struggles, and I'm SO GLAD you are reunited w/your dogs!
I'm glad you've made it through the worst of your struggles, and I'm SO GLAD you are reunited w/your dogs!
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