Is there hope?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1
Is there hope?
My husband and I have been seperated since July. I actually kicked him out because he has relapsed on crack 5 times within 13 months. We were married in October of last year and he relapsed two weeks later. He decided to go to rehab for 2 months.
I just found out he relapsed last week on pills and crack. He refuses to tell his sponsor and he thinks he will be omay. He isnt attending AA meetings and he isnt telling on himself. This is all going on while he is telling me he loves me and wants to get back together eventuallu.
I have an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship but my husband who I seperated from has been apart of her life for almost 5 years.
I am lost. I am confused. I will not enable him. I will not sleep with him. I miss him. I want him to get help and get better. I cant seem to move on. I want to olay god or something. I want my marriage to wirk but I know it isnt looking good. I need advice.
I just found out he relapsed last week on pills and crack. He refuses to tell his sponsor and he thinks he will be omay. He isnt attending AA meetings and he isnt telling on himself. This is all going on while he is telling me he loves me and wants to get back together eventuallu.
I have an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship but my husband who I seperated from has been apart of her life for almost 5 years.
I am lost. I am confused. I will not enable him. I will not sleep with him. I miss him. I want him to get help and get better. I cant seem to move on. I want to olay god or something. I want my marriage to wirk but I know it isnt looking good. I need advice.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,872
I am sorry for what you are going through, but you have been separated for half the length of your marriage. It is obvious that he isn't ready to quit. Your focus should be on your daughter and yourself. This isn't any kind of life for an 8 year old little girl.
Please take a step back and consider your priorities. Sending hugs.
Please take a step back and consider your priorities. Sending hugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I just found out he relapsed last week on pills and crack. He refuses to tell his sponsor and he thinks he will be omay. He isnt attending AA meetings and he isnt telling on himself.
Take care of yourself, this may be painful but living with active addiction is far worse.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
when we have the tally of the number of relapses in the number of months, something has gone VERY wrong. he relapsed right AFTER got married! he tainted the marital union almost immediately.
your precious 8 year old daughter deserves a drug/addiction free life. as do you. crack has no place in your lives.
he doesn't want help. he'll play on your emotions, say WORDS you want to hear, but he is still an addict, with a pipe glued to his fingers.
please do NOT sleep with him. god knows where he's been and who he's been with.
your precious 8 year old daughter deserves a drug/addiction free life. as do you. crack has no place in your lives.
he doesn't want help. he'll play on your emotions, say WORDS you want to hear, but he is still an addict, with a pipe glued to his fingers.
please do NOT sleep with him. god knows where he's been and who he's been with.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I remember finding preeeetty good evidence that my ex was banging the mail lady, and I just NEEDED to know for a FACT! I NEEDED to know, because then, THEN I could be done! That would be the nail in the coffin!
Why? Why did it matter?
Because addiction had been his mistress all along. He'd chosen addiction over our marriage time and time again.
But he was banging the mail lady.
Not that it mattered.
What I'm trying to say is the betrayal is the same. And it's so sad that we women so often can't see that. It's a common thread on here. Women (sometimes men) have been putting up with their significant other's drug abuse for years and years, and then cheating comes along and then THAT is the final straw? WHY? Look at what their affair with drugs has done to you. Why isn't that enough to leave?
Not judging, because it wasn't enough for me, either. But I say this with total compassion for you and my former self:
It's enough.
Get your kids safe.
Blessings
Why? Why did it matter?
Because addiction had been his mistress all along. He'd chosen addiction over our marriage time and time again.
But he was banging the mail lady.
Not that it mattered.
What I'm trying to say is the betrayal is the same. And it's so sad that we women so often can't see that. It's a common thread on here. Women (sometimes men) have been putting up with their significant other's drug abuse for years and years, and then cheating comes along and then THAT is the final straw? WHY? Look at what their affair with drugs has done to you. Why isn't that enough to leave?
Not judging, because it wasn't enough for me, either. But I say this with total compassion for you and my former self:
It's enough.
Get your kids safe.
Blessings
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Our pastor said something yesterday that resonated with me. He said you cannot be free of anything as long as you are hiding from the truth.
He is using (five times in 13 months, that you know about, is just using, that's not relapse),and he is not telling the people who are in position to help him.
Recovery looks like recovery. You don't use, and you are an open book. They have to want it for themselves, you cannot love someone into recovery.
Big hugs to you.
He is using (five times in 13 months, that you know about, is just using, that's not relapse),and he is not telling the people who are in position to help him.
Recovery looks like recovery. You don't use, and you are an open book. They have to want it for themselves, you cannot love someone into recovery.
Big hugs to you.
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