This Friday night I realized that...
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
This Friday night I realized that...
I have never uttered the words "you make me unhappy/sad/mad/whatever" to XAH, or blamed him for unfortunate events in my life, and I am yet to curse him out or call him names.
He is a complete opposite of that. Just listened to the tirade of how awful I am. And how he has great people around him who like him. I never contact him. He initiates all contact. I reminded him that he is now free of me and can do as he chooses. And I am very neutral in our communication. He states that he is absolutely miserable and that I am hostile and not supportive.
So basically I am just now realizing that I am just here, raising my child alone, doing my thing, not bothering anyone, and still manage to somehow "annoy him and his family", which I removed from all social media and never contact either.
I really want to wish him well, but tonight it is really hard. I have to communicate with him because we have a son, and I envy people who can do full no contact. I tried to ignore him completely and he retaliates (somewhat) by not communicating with me when he has DS.
Please share any lightbulb moments you had recently, or just vent - to keep me company
I hate addiction
He is a complete opposite of that. Just listened to the tirade of how awful I am. And how he has great people around him who like him. I never contact him. He initiates all contact. I reminded him that he is now free of me and can do as he chooses. And I am very neutral in our communication. He states that he is absolutely miserable and that I am hostile and not supportive.
So basically I am just now realizing that I am just here, raising my child alone, doing my thing, not bothering anyone, and still manage to somehow "annoy him and his family", which I removed from all social media and never contact either.
I really want to wish him well, but tonight it is really hard. I have to communicate with him because we have a son, and I envy people who can do full no contact. I tried to ignore him completely and he retaliates (somewhat) by not communicating with me when he has DS.
Please share any lightbulb moments you had recently, or just vent - to keep me company
I hate addiction
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 76
This Friday night I realized...
As I puttered around the kitchen of my friend's house where I'm now renting a room (she's out tonight), this is the first time in well over 10 years that I have moved around a space like this on my own, cooking what I want to cook how I want to cook it, playing the music I want to play, turning it up when I really like the song, turning it down when I want to read and concentrate on something.
MY friend is awesome and amazingly generous to open her house to me, but it's HERS and I'm very conscious of that. Tonight, it's all mine.
This is the first time in YEARS that I have quietly moved about a space that felt like mine, without someone else demanding my attention or telling me I'm doing it wrong. Wow.
I'm really sorry you're still dealing with your ex's toxicity. I am with mine, too, but he's way more subtle about it and easier for me to ignore. Please try to remember that toxicity is all HIS and not yours. It feels lonely on the high road, but the view sure is good.
As I puttered around the kitchen of my friend's house where I'm now renting a room (she's out tonight), this is the first time in well over 10 years that I have moved around a space like this on my own, cooking what I want to cook how I want to cook it, playing the music I want to play, turning it up when I really like the song, turning it down when I want to read and concentrate on something.
MY friend is awesome and amazingly generous to open her house to me, but it's HERS and I'm very conscious of that. Tonight, it's all mine.
This is the first time in YEARS that I have quietly moved about a space that felt like mine, without someone else demanding my attention or telling me I'm doing it wrong. Wow.
I'm really sorry you're still dealing with your ex's toxicity. I am with mine, too, but he's way more subtle about it and easier for me to ignore. Please try to remember that toxicity is all HIS and not yours. It feels lonely on the high road, but the view sure is good.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Nata,
My axh would constantly blame me for everything also. I learned to not respond or engage as he feeds off me defending myself. I would also say I am sorry you feel that way. Apologizing sometimes puts out a fire and who cares if you mean it or not. Life is not easy dealing with a messed up In the head addict.
Just take one day at a time.
My axh would constantly blame me for everything also. I learned to not respond or engage as he feeds off me defending myself. I would also say I am sorry you feel that way. Apologizing sometimes puts out a fire and who cares if you mean it or not. Life is not easy dealing with a messed up In the head addict.
Just take one day at a time.
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