viola71

I had a visit from AH who came to get some winter clothes for a business trip. He was quiet, withdrawn, thanked me for paying bills , taking care of house etc. (he lives in an apartment now) I couldn't help but notice his very very shaky hands. What does that mean is that withdrawal or is that something else. The reason I am asking last time we forced him to leave he blew a .12 , I found a bac calculator and backed into the amount he had to have had to blow a .12 after being home passed out for 3 hours it was a ridiculous amount of alcohol. I'm curious just how bad the drinking was and really how long it went on undetected. I am questioning myself why I didn't see was I not observant enough all those years. He showed up to get the clothes and I let my daughter know he would be here, she chose to see him. I want to protect her but also be honest with her. I have no idea how bad the actual problem is. Do shakes means he's not drinking which he claimed its been two months, or do they mean he tried to make it through that day and thats it. I just want my DD to not have to ride a rollercoaster more than she needs to.BTW my DD is 17

SparkleKitty

I don't know that anyone can say for sure, viola. I have a friend whose hands shake and he hasn't had a drink in over three years. My XABF's hands never shook no matter the conditions.

Please do not blame yourself for not being more observant. What good would that have done? As for your DD, she is the daughter of an alcoholic, and there will be a roller coaster no matter what. It is not your responsibility to understand the depth of his problem as it relates to him or her. Their relationship is between them, and the best you can do by her is be an honest and loving safe haven for her as she learns to accept who he is.

Sending strength and courage.

atalose

I remember reading about the middle stages of alcoholism and some of the signs that were listed was enlarged pupils, severe headaches, clammy pale skin, nausea vomiting, loss of appetite, rapid heartbeat, excess sweating and tremors. Blackouts, insomnia, mood swings, nightmares to name a few.

With my ex who’s DOC was pills I always assumed those signs and some others were from the pills but the more I thought about it, who knows I’m sure he was drinking as well.

I do not know if knowing better signs and symptoms about his disease would have changed much for me other than at that time me trying harder earlier to get him to stop. If I have any regrets today it is that I did not know what I know today about addiction and gotten myself out of the relationship much earlier.

firebolt

My x's hands shook every morning from not ingesting alcohol while he was sleeping.

When he told me he was sober, I knew he was lying...because he wasn't shaking.

So sad.

honeypig

I have often noticed XAH's hands shaking, too. If I see him, it is almost always in the morning, meeting for coffee once in a while, and so I imagine he has not had a drink since the prior evening.

When he was injured in a hit-and-run almost 2 years ago and I took him to the ER, they of course did a BAC. Like you, I traced it back to what it would have been when he was hit, and at that level, most people would have been long since passed out--yet he went down a long flight of stairs, put collars and leashes on the dogs, and walked down the driveway to the mailbox, where the accident happened.

So clearly he had been drinking way more than I ever imagined, way longer than I ever imagined, and yet had hardly ever seemed drunk. Even when he showed signs, they were incredibly subtle and would never have been noticed by someone who didn't live w/him day and night for 20 years.

I have no info or advice for you on the shaking hands thing, but just wanted to share my experience.

Will also echo firebolt: So sad, indeed.

Sasha1972

Not much to add, except that my ex-AH also has the shaking hands, tremors and excess sweating. I've noticed this both when he appears sober and when it appears that he's been drinking (by the smell of alcohol).

I've also noticed skin changes - getting more pink and red, and uneven coloration, which may or may not be related to lots of drinking. Not a good look.

SoloMio

I still remember my father's hands shaking as he held mine and told me that everything was going to be OK, when he was released from the sanitarium in the 60s.

Most recently, when my AH was self-detoxing, he asked me for a Diet Pepsi. As I filled the glass in his hand, I noticed his hand was shaking. I went into my office, and within 20 seconds he was having a seizure. So in that case, the shaking hands were a result of the detox.

FeelingGreat

My sister, who drank very heavily at one point, and drinks regularly now often has shaking hands, but there are other things that cause it as well, so I wouldn't get into diagnosing because you don't have the whole story.

BTW, looking up the stages of alcoholism was what partly scared me into sobriety. I was just transitioning from 1 to 2, and I decided that was enough.

hopeful4

I agree not to diagnose w/out knowing. I actually have shaky hands in reaction to a medication I take, and I don't even drink or abuse drugs or anything else. You just never know.

viola71

This has been my experience. No One else notices the ansy shaking leg, the constantly coughing or clearing of his throat, or the slightly more reactive response to anything which isn't 100% perfect. Those are his signs when he blows a .12 - It makes me wonder what he would have blown when he was slurring and staggering etc. These subtle signs make me feel crazy and question my own sanity.

Mango blast

I'm not sure if no one notices or if they choose to ignore.

And when there are no shaking hands, there is the ongoing self-medication. It's hard to be around.