Juicer

First two days were rough, I would consider it mild withdrawal though, as I had no shakes, sweats, hallucinations, etc.. I just had really bad insomnia, but was able to get a good rest the last 2 days.

My father who lives away from me was taken to the ICU with advanced Parkinson's, he has a septic blood infection. He's pretty much all the family I have left and it hit me hard hearing the news last night as the situation is pretty dire. Also hurts that I cannot be there for him.

This morning I started to crave my vodka.. I went out and bought a bottle now I am just staring at it. Trying to will myself not to "just take a shot or two". Because I'm afraid it might turn into an empty bottle and then I'll be back into minor (or worse) withdrawals or my pattern of daily indulging. Life is rough and I need to be able to get over these types of ordeals and not trigger myself to drink.

Ugh, just had to get it out there. I'm googling for AA near me that might be available in the next few hours to see if this helps..

Thanks for listening (reading)

rmeatgt350

Some quick advice I've seen on SR countless times that always helps me; maybe it will help you. Drinking will not make the situation you're in any better, it will just take it away for an evening and will make the problem much, much worse tomorrow morning. Your father will still be sick, and you'll be disappointed you drank.

Ask yourself what your dad would want you to do. My guess is the answer is not drink.

Best of luck and stay strong.

Jastelf

I understand what you mean. I always try to rationalize why I should drink. Although when I do I never feel better. I do wish you and your father the best.

Stronger2017

I’m really sorry to hear about your dad but well done for posting here before you might drink - I’ll have to remember that for the future! Definitely dump the vodka immediately and get to an AA meeting. Why waste all that effort getting sober only to throw it away again?

Anna

Hi Juicer, I'm sorry for the situation with your Dad. Life is just hard sometimes and there's no way around it. But you know that alcohol will only make everything worse.

LastDrop

Sorry to hear about the Dad situation Juicer.

Sounds like a thin ice situation with the vodka though. Whenever I am on thin ice I think I can do a quick relapse and get right back to being sober but I have proven that is not the case every time. Sometimes a quick hit ends up being years.

Wishing you strength and clarity in your decision.

Flinders39

Like so many people on here have said, "play the tape forward." That has helped me repeatedly. Just take a second and thing about it. We are all here for you :-)

Juicer

Well sorry to say guys, I took the 2 shots, turned into a 1/2 bottle before I realized it and poured it into the sink. This is really a demon for me. I appreciate the support from the community here and am ashamed I fell into my weakness.

Roselover

Don't beat yourself up, and don't shame yourself either because that will put you into isolation. You are not alone, I personally have done the same as you and worse because the ENTIRE bottle would be empty.

Today is a new day. Do you have someone close by to talk to?

Juicer

Unfortunately not, my best friends don't know the extent to my problems. Interestingly I would maintain myself around them.

Roselover

I would open up and let them know what's going on. Or, is there a reason that you can't tell them? I'm sure it will help you a lot having their support. We are built for connectivity...not isolation...which is why we come here to SR, join AA meetings, confide in friends, with our local churches, etc.

Jastelf

Wouldnt let it get me down. Always bounce back.

AAPJ

OP - FWIW I feel your pain. Many of us need to deal with aging parents and it's not always fun. Personally, my 90 year old mother fell about 2 weeks ago went to the hospital with broken bones and is now in a rehab center. The physical therapist told me and my brother that she will never be able to return to her independent living situation and we are in the process of putting her in a nursing home. To me it's just one more step closer to her death. BUT I'm still sober today. I'm going to be present for my mother. In the long run I think I will feel better about myself if I stay sober and see her as often as i can.

I wish you the best.

Dee74

Hi Juicer - I'm sorry about your Dad and the worry and stress.
Drinkings not helping you tho.

Have you considered joining a meeting based group like AA orSMART or LifeRing?

As well maybe there are support groups for families of Parkinsons patients?

Anythings got to be preferable to more drinking. yeah?

D