Giving the inner child an identity allowing direct communication
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Giving the inner child an identity allowing direct communication
For a week now I been researching on the net, visiting sites relating to the inner child, the critical voice, the self-saboteur, etc.. parts of our physhe that inhibit our progress and happiness in our lifes, so many different opinions exist on the subject that it is so easy to become bewildered and confused, as if we ACOA are not already so! Most of the work on the subject is written by professionals, who I dont doubt one for minute mean well but they express their views and solutions, treatments on an outside perspective, its easy for them to get caught up in all the get positive, get empowered approach, as they already possess the balanced clear state of mind to feel as such. I just want a solution that is beneficial for me, and I have found something that I can work with, if it can work for me then it can work for others, cos I have a real tough time keeping my sanity.
It works like this, first I have to recognise the voice and be aware of it when it appears. The voice inside my personia that suggests to me to do things that i really dont want to deep down like smoking, engaging in lust, viewing pornography, hiring callgirls, the suggestions come in the form of strong urges that up til now I have been obeying like a slave. My secondary self as been running my life since childhood to this present day, whenever my authentic self has tried to intervene and go forward my secondary self has sabotaged all it's attempts. Whenever I do something that is not according to the values held by my authentic self i.e: smoking, lusting, I feel great shame, disgust, sense of hopelessness overwhelms me, and I have been caught up in this vicious circle since childhood, a circle that I just cant seem to get out of. I now am begining to understand that my self-destructive behaviour is nothing more than outdated hardwired coping mechanisms that no longer serve me any purpose, on the contrary it's what holds me back from moving on and reaching my true potential. And the more I obey these urges the more ingrained they have become gaining a foothold. So what I have done is I have given an identity to my secondary self so that my authentic self can communicate with it. I have given it a name and a body, its name is Goofy (what my father used to call me when I was a kid) and its body is simply me when I was around 7-8, I imagine him as a cheeky kid with a big innocent smirk on his face.
Now let me tell you something about Goofy. Goofy is impulsive, he hates thinking, isnt rational, he doesnt think of the consequences of his actions, has total disregard for wellbeing, spirituality, ethics or morality, all he lives for is base pleasures inflicted on the body, which has no limit or end. He hates hard work and putting in effort and constantly makes me quit projects and goals halfway through to completion. He doesnt take no for an answer, he is so persistant in getting what he wants, he has a sixth sense for weakness, for when he senses it he has no mercy as long as he gets what he wants. He lives on a day to day basis, he has no relationship with the authentic self as he isnt even aware that the authentic self exists! He makes me feel self-conscious around others, enabling me not to enjoy myself, he prefers to keep his distance from people, he loves his own inner world, he hates the outer world, afterall he's been getting what he wants for so long, he has no intentions of growing up, nor has he any plans or ambitions for the future, constantly wanting and seeking instant gratification. Goofy is just basically stupid, he's just a kid, he shouldnt be responsible for making decesions and calling the shots, he's way out of his depth. He's innocent he doesnt mean any harm, he just doesnt know right from wrong, deep down his intentions are noble, but he isnt aware of the damage and pain his actions cause to the authentic self. There has been a split in my being and I am not fully whole as I have two selfs, both of whom are unaware of eachother, that was until now.
Now that I have given a name and face to my inner child, the critical voice, the self-saboteur, etc..as Goofy, the next step is for me to become aware of his suggestions and to start communicating with it, I have to treat it like a kid, basically reparenting and educating Goofy out of his old ways and beliefs with love and understanding, enabling both selves to unite and become whole freeing and liberating me to live my life from my authentic self. How I am going to go about it well I need to sit down and develop strategies, even better if you could give me any suggestions would be trully appreciated, cos I dont have all the answers, its going to be real hard work reparenting my secondary self, and there will be times when it would be easier simply to give into his demands, like the Law of Reversed Effect, more you resist and try to repress a thought the more it shall persist until finally the thought manifests, I guess I just have to learn to be a firm but kind parent to myself, showing that I call the shots not the child and any suggestions that he does make just to see them as passing thoughts, until he eventually realises to obey me, not the otherway round which has been the pattern up til now, cos if I show weakness he'll have me for breakfast. Like earlier I identified the urge to have a smoke was comming from the secondary self, so I said to it I'll have one before I go to sleep, that seemed to do the trick, now when it reminds me just before I sleep to have a ciggarette, I'll tell him he'l get one tommorow, and so on until he forgets about it. Afterall he is stupid he'l believe anything. I'm started to thing that its possible to toy around with the inner child, may be our fears are exaggerated beyond their true proportion, like when we feel empowered we feel that we are capable of acheiving anything, this forum is great it certaintly empowers me, its become a 2nd home where I feel safe too express myself and to know that I am not alone in this battle.
PEACE OUT COMRADES
It works like this, first I have to recognise the voice and be aware of it when it appears. The voice inside my personia that suggests to me to do things that i really dont want to deep down like smoking, engaging in lust, viewing pornography, hiring callgirls, the suggestions come in the form of strong urges that up til now I have been obeying like a slave. My secondary self as been running my life since childhood to this present day, whenever my authentic self has tried to intervene and go forward my secondary self has sabotaged all it's attempts. Whenever I do something that is not according to the values held by my authentic self i.e: smoking, lusting, I feel great shame, disgust, sense of hopelessness overwhelms me, and I have been caught up in this vicious circle since childhood, a circle that I just cant seem to get out of. I now am begining to understand that my self-destructive behaviour is nothing more than outdated hardwired coping mechanisms that no longer serve me any purpose, on the contrary it's what holds me back from moving on and reaching my true potential. And the more I obey these urges the more ingrained they have become gaining a foothold. So what I have done is I have given an identity to my secondary self so that my authentic self can communicate with it. I have given it a name and a body, its name is Goofy (what my father used to call me when I was a kid) and its body is simply me when I was around 7-8, I imagine him as a cheeky kid with a big innocent smirk on his face.
Now let me tell you something about Goofy. Goofy is impulsive, he hates thinking, isnt rational, he doesnt think of the consequences of his actions, has total disregard for wellbeing, spirituality, ethics or morality, all he lives for is base pleasures inflicted on the body, which has no limit or end. He hates hard work and putting in effort and constantly makes me quit projects and goals halfway through to completion. He doesnt take no for an answer, he is so persistant in getting what he wants, he has a sixth sense for weakness, for when he senses it he has no mercy as long as he gets what he wants. He lives on a day to day basis, he has no relationship with the authentic self as he isnt even aware that the authentic self exists! He makes me feel self-conscious around others, enabling me not to enjoy myself, he prefers to keep his distance from people, he loves his own inner world, he hates the outer world, afterall he's been getting what he wants for so long, he has no intentions of growing up, nor has he any plans or ambitions for the future, constantly wanting and seeking instant gratification. Goofy is just basically stupid, he's just a kid, he shouldnt be responsible for making decesions and calling the shots, he's way out of his depth. He's innocent he doesnt mean any harm, he just doesnt know right from wrong, deep down his intentions are noble, but he isnt aware of the damage and pain his actions cause to the authentic self. There has been a split in my being and I am not fully whole as I have two selfs, both of whom are unaware of eachother, that was until now.
Now that I have given a name and face to my inner child, the critical voice, the self-saboteur, etc..as Goofy, the next step is for me to become aware of his suggestions and to start communicating with it, I have to treat it like a kid, basically reparenting and educating Goofy out of his old ways and beliefs with love and understanding, enabling both selves to unite and become whole freeing and liberating me to live my life from my authentic self. How I am going to go about it well I need to sit down and develop strategies, even better if you could give me any suggestions would be trully appreciated, cos I dont have all the answers, its going to be real hard work reparenting my secondary self, and there will be times when it would be easier simply to give into his demands, like the Law of Reversed Effect, more you resist and try to repress a thought the more it shall persist until finally the thought manifests, I guess I just have to learn to be a firm but kind parent to myself, showing that I call the shots not the child and any suggestions that he does make just to see them as passing thoughts, until he eventually realises to obey me, not the otherway round which has been the pattern up til now, cos if I show weakness he'll have me for breakfast. Like earlier I identified the urge to have a smoke was comming from the secondary self, so I said to it I'll have one before I go to sleep, that seemed to do the trick, now when it reminds me just before I sleep to have a ciggarette, I'll tell him he'l get one tommorow, and so on until he forgets about it. Afterall he is stupid he'l believe anything. I'm started to thing that its possible to toy around with the inner child, may be our fears are exaggerated beyond their true proportion, like when we feel empowered we feel that we are capable of acheiving anything, this forum is great it certaintly empowers me, its become a 2nd home where I feel safe too express myself and to know that I am not alone in this battle.
PEACE OUT COMRADES
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
oh my god,
this is so bizarre but ive just started doing the very same thing. thinking of my inner child as this separate being a part of me that stopped growin years ago.
bet me to start the post but my god just has this way of doing things like this!
yeh its def making things easier to separate form the inner child and 'reparent' it
when i have to do something like make a meal, wash, go somewhere, do study for university or anything that requires effort and the possibility ill push for perfection or just give up then i look at my inner child from a loving parental perspective and gently push it to be the best it can rather than be a typical child, and help it grow up. doing tings myself i seem to get easily overwhelmed but by taking a stp back and controlling the inner childs actions things get done with less stress
this is a great topic!!
toby
i just worry slightly that i might become a multiple personlaity disorder hi im toby and lilttle toby twitch yark
hmm, keep talking
this is so bizarre but ive just started doing the very same thing. thinking of my inner child as this separate being a part of me that stopped growin years ago.
bet me to start the post but my god just has this way of doing things like this!
yeh its def making things easier to separate form the inner child and 'reparent' it
when i have to do something like make a meal, wash, go somewhere, do study for university or anything that requires effort and the possibility ill push for perfection or just give up then i look at my inner child from a loving parental perspective and gently push it to be the best it can rather than be a typical child, and help it grow up. doing tings myself i seem to get easily overwhelmed but by taking a stp back and controlling the inner childs actions things get done with less stress
this is a great topic!!
toby
i just worry slightly that i might become a multiple personlaity disorder hi im toby and lilttle toby twitch yark
hmm, keep talking
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
i often feel like a little kid pretending to do all these big adult things so i get so overwhelmed cos i am actually a grown man so the result is usually AAARRGHH!, but day by day i think this reparenting thing could do some wonders
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I reparent myself all the time. When I first became aware of my inner child she was in control of my life a brat trying to get her way.... But I started listening to her finding what she needs a little comfort and helping her to face her fears has been quite interresting.....
She is not a bad girl she has been deprived of things she needs simple things comfort , food, to be heard and understood....
Don't be too hard on ((((((Goofy))))))) find out what he needs.
She is not a bad girl she has been deprived of things she needs simple things comfort , food, to be heard and understood....
Don't be too hard on ((((((Goofy))))))) find out what he needs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 70
I have been on that mission as well. I had to name the child and give her a face. For now it requires much vigilance on my part -- to be aware of when the child is taking charge -- so that the adult stays in charge. It's hard, and there's times where I haven't caught it, but when I'm on top of it and can corral her, it's great. It's like everyone has said, it's having to parent yourself since we didn't have them before. I often need to soothe my child and let her know that it's okay to take a chance, that I'm here if anything goes wrong. It's weird to view myself and talk to me, the little girl. It's even more weird to realize that much of my life the little girl has been in charge of my reactions. For me it took finding out what the child needs -- love, security, and hearing that things aren't her fault.
Great topic!
Great topic!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
amen
like today i looked after my little toby and i made sure he had onehot meal, anf had a nap when hewas tired . im so good at caring for others that doing it this this way reparenting stle is proving to be very healing, somewhat tragic if i think about why but i just ask god to remove theself pitying aspects so i can heal and be happier
like today i looked after my little toby and i made sure he had onehot meal, anf had a nap when hewas tired . im so good at caring for others that doing it this this way reparenting stle is proving to be very healing, somewhat tragic if i think about why but i just ask god to remove theself pitying aspects so i can heal and be happier
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 8
ACOA suffering to us is like what water is to a duck
In had earlier stated in my original post:
'I'm started to thing that its possible to toy around with the inner child, may be our fears are exaggerated beyond their true proportion, like when we feel empowered we feel that we are capable of acheiving anything'
Well now i'm forced to eat my words, today my alter ego 'Goofy' just took possession, just like he as always done, after I satisfied him in indulging in his base desires, my authentic self was left feeling shamed, disgusted, hopeless, at a wits' end. ACOA school of thought is to love that inner child, well today I was hating him, why does he sabotage me, for the love of God? Why does he want to destroy me? It's insanity, if it wasnt for the hurt it would cause my family I would commit suicide in an instant, even thou I may be left a wondering lost soul in the spirit world, what the f**k am I now?
'I'm started to thing that its possible to toy around with the inner child, may be our fears are exaggerated beyond their true proportion, like when we feel empowered we feel that we are capable of acheiving anything'
Well now i'm forced to eat my words, today my alter ego 'Goofy' just took possession, just like he as always done, after I satisfied him in indulging in his base desires, my authentic self was left feeling shamed, disgusted, hopeless, at a wits' end. ACOA school of thought is to love that inner child, well today I was hating him, why does he sabotage me, for the love of God? Why does he want to destroy me? It's insanity, if it wasnt for the hurt it would cause my family I would commit suicide in an instant, even thou I may be left a wondering lost soul in the spirit world, what the f**k am I now?
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
little's...you are human with all the flaws that humans have. I am not sure that counseling ourselves is the wisest move anyway. I liked your theory...but if you have trouble with impulsive self destructive behavior I don't subscribe to what you said about empowering yourself being bunk.
There is always, always a moment in time between a thought and an action. That is where the choice lies. In my codependent world it is all about reacting. In yours it happens to be about acting.
Hugs,
JT
There is always, always a moment in time between a thought and an action. That is where the choice lies. In my codependent world it is all about reacting. In yours it happens to be about acting.
Hugs,
JT
Passion
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Antioch, Ca.
Posts: 31
The Child Within
I AM VERY IN TOUCH WITH MY CHILD, HER NAME IS MISS RENEE.I ALSO HAVE A PROTECTOR FOR HER, HER NAME IS PASSION. I AM VERY FAMILAR WITH THE YOUNG WOMAN WHO CARRIES ALL THE PAIN AND DOESN'T TRUST MEN, HER NAME IS JULS.
ARE YOU CONFUSED? LOOK UP DISSOCIATION INDENTITY DISORDER.
PASSION
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
I have a different take on this subject.
There is nothing negative about my inner child.
She's not a brat and she isn't the voice that encourages negative things.
Quite the contrary.
She encourages me to play more and worry less.
She appreciates things that the boring adult in me tends to miss.
She asks me inquisitive, child-like questions that lead me to good answers.
She reminds me that life is about beauty and mystery and magic.
I had a birthday recently.
A good friend of mine gave me a card.
Inside, it said "Happy Birthday. I hope you never grow up."
I hope so too.
There is nothing negative about my inner child.
She's not a brat and she isn't the voice that encourages negative things.
Quite the contrary.
She encourages me to play more and worry less.
She appreciates things that the boring adult in me tends to miss.
She asks me inquisitive, child-like questions that lead me to good answers.
She reminds me that life is about beauty and mystery and magic.
I had a birthday recently.
A good friend of mine gave me a card.
Inside, it said "Happy Birthday. I hope you never grow up."
I hope so too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
yes i see your point but there are parts of my inner child that HAVe to grow up. i do want to hold onto the magic of childhood, the joy of playing on a swing, eating cupcakes and splashing in puddles but there are parts of my inner child i want to ditch like not taking responsibilty, being unaware and inconsiderate of people around me, being terrified of alcholics and being a doormat, thats what im talking about with reparenting, its about growing up and not acting like a little kid when i need to be like an adult. i need to stay focused on my studies and not get bored and distracted and avoid doing anything that requires effort.
yes there are positive aspects to being childlike but there are others of immaturity that are hindering my progress and peace of mind. thats why im reparenting so i can let go of pain and resentments and hurt and live life as an adult. its time
yes there are positive aspects to being childlike but there are others of immaturity that are hindering my progress and peace of mind. thats why im reparenting so i can let go of pain and resentments and hurt and live life as an adult. its time
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
We all have our inner child to deal with.
And each one is different.
Mine was the kid who never got to play enough because she was too busy being a grown up before her time.
I think it's good that we all recognize them, whoever they are, and deal with them appropriately.
It's a way of healing a past that didn't work right and moving onto a better present and future.
And each one is different.
Mine was the kid who never got to play enough because she was too busy being a grown up before her time.
I think it's good that we all recognize them, whoever they are, and deal with them appropriately.
It's a way of healing a past that didn't work right and moving onto a better present and future.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
