Success stories?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Success stories?
Is there anyone who has figured out how to live with a recovering alcoholic? I appreciate all of the support more than all of you realize, and I feel like I am just at the beginning of the end of my marriage in all honesty. I am so confused and feel torn in both directions.
AH just, for the first time, actually went to counseling last night and is acknowledging his problem, something he has never done before. He looked up AA meetings and is scared, but committed to quitting.
My husband is not abusive in any way. He just "exists." He doesn't drink before work or at work. He just comes home and drinks. And drinks on the weekends. The counselor did tell him that alcoholism usually comes from genetics, and there are not alcoholics in his family. Not directly in the line anyway.
Counselor said that something is triggering his drinking and he needs to pay attention to what he's thinking and feeling when he's thinking about wanting a drink.
Is it possible that the drinking is a symptom of something else (ADHD, depression, etc) and if we figure out the something else it will be easier (for him) to stop?
Has anyone seen someone truly accept their drinking problem and change, thus allowing harmony back into the relationship and healing it, making it able to work?
Don't get me wrong, I know my husband has a problem...I'm just curious if it's worth fighting for.
AH just, for the first time, actually went to counseling last night and is acknowledging his problem, something he has never done before. He looked up AA meetings and is scared, but committed to quitting.
My husband is not abusive in any way. He just "exists." He doesn't drink before work or at work. He just comes home and drinks. And drinks on the weekends. The counselor did tell him that alcoholism usually comes from genetics, and there are not alcoholics in his family. Not directly in the line anyway.
Counselor said that something is triggering his drinking and he needs to pay attention to what he's thinking and feeling when he's thinking about wanting a drink.
Is it possible that the drinking is a symptom of something else (ADHD, depression, etc) and if we figure out the something else it will be easier (for him) to stop?
Has anyone seen someone truly accept their drinking problem and change, thus allowing harmony back into the relationship and healing it, making it able to work?
Don't get me wrong, I know my husband has a problem...I'm just curious if it's worth fighting for.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Jeepgirl.
I think that with regard to your spouse, time will tell.
Meantime, take care of yourself. I would get to Al-Anon or counselling with an addictions specialist.
There are several posters to this site who stay with their addict spouse for different reasons.
And several who decided to leave.
It is really up to you.
I think that with regard to your spouse, time will tell.
Meantime, take care of yourself. I would get to Al-Anon or counselling with an addictions specialist.
There are several posters to this site who stay with their addict spouse for different reasons.
And several who decided to leave.
It is really up to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-stories.html (Success stories?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-stories.html (Feeling hopeless, looking for success stories!)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-id-share.html (Ran across a success story today, thought I'd share)
IMO Anything is possible Jeepgirl - but we can't plan our lives around Hope. The common thread in EVERY SINGLE success story on EVERY SINGLE side of the forum comes down to one point - the willingness of the person to truly embrace & live a life of recovery.
I continue to consider myself an Enormous Success even while my husband handles his recovery in an entirely different way, this was my last update about a year ago & I'm even more centered & confident now:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...covery-me.html (5 Years of Codependent Recovery for Me)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
- he makes strides, but he's never been what anyone would consider a smashing success at recovery. Most of the time we find a balance but recovery also brings a permanent change to the relationship IMO - in the way that you can't "un-see" & "un-know" the past but you learn to move forward anyway. Everyone has a different path in this - everyone has different things that they've been subjected to in this process & different thresholds for tolerance. Hope this helps!
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-stories.html (Feeling hopeless, looking for success stories!)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-id-share.html (Ran across a success story today, thought I'd share)
IMO Anything is possible Jeepgirl - but we can't plan our lives around Hope. The common thread in EVERY SINGLE success story on EVERY SINGLE side of the forum comes down to one point - the willingness of the person to truly embrace & live a life of recovery.
I continue to consider myself an Enormous Success even while my husband handles his recovery in an entirely different way, this was my last update about a year ago & I'm even more centered & confident now:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...covery-me.html (5 Years of Codependent Recovery for Me)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
- he makes strides, but he's never been what anyone would consider a smashing success at recovery. Most of the time we find a balance but recovery also brings a permanent change to the relationship IMO - in the way that you can't "un-see" & "un-know" the past but you learn to move forward anyway. Everyone has a different path in this - everyone has different things that they've been subjected to in this process & different thresholds for tolerance. Hope this helps!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 55
Hi Jeepgirl
My AW is now in (early) recovery. She came out of rehab a week ago, and she is now working her way through a 52 week aftercare program. 2-3 AA meetings a week. One evening aftercare at the rehab clinic with me, etc etc etc. The list is as long as my arm. It is going to be a busy year!
She has been drinking a long time, which is unhealthy for your body, your mind, and for your relationships. I have been reacting to the drinking in all kinds of ways - trying to manage it, enabling it, walking on eggshells, blaming her drinking for all my problems or all of the families problems, hiding in self-righteousness, failing to set my boundaries and so on and so forth... all of which were unhealthy for me and for our relationship.
So now Mrs Sectus is working to become more self-aware, to spot signs of relapse, to be aware of anything unhealthy she may be doing or thinking. She is learning to talk about those things in an honest but mindful way. She is working a program, trying to instill healthy habits. Recovery is work, and it is all about finding out who you are, and how you can live a healthy mental life.
In many ways I am doing a similar thing. I am examining some of the unhealthy habits I have acquired. Why they crept in there. How I can replace them with healthier ones.
Will our marriage survive? I think it will. I may be wrong: the coming year is going to be a strange one, and many things will change. But I am definitely optimistic.
Is it a matter of the drinking going away, thus letting harmony back? No, I don't think so. Our relationship will have to evolve too, if this is going to work. She has to change, so have I, and as a result so will our relationship. Maybe the challenge of doing all these things at the same time will prove too much for us: it certainly is ambitious.
But the good thing is: I will be mentally healthier and more peaceful, no matter what the outcome is. That is the one thing about the future that I can control.
My AW is now in (early) recovery. She came out of rehab a week ago, and she is now working her way through a 52 week aftercare program. 2-3 AA meetings a week. One evening aftercare at the rehab clinic with me, etc etc etc. The list is as long as my arm. It is going to be a busy year!
She has been drinking a long time, which is unhealthy for your body, your mind, and for your relationships. I have been reacting to the drinking in all kinds of ways - trying to manage it, enabling it, walking on eggshells, blaming her drinking for all my problems or all of the families problems, hiding in self-righteousness, failing to set my boundaries and so on and so forth... all of which were unhealthy for me and for our relationship.
So now Mrs Sectus is working to become more self-aware, to spot signs of relapse, to be aware of anything unhealthy she may be doing or thinking. She is learning to talk about those things in an honest but mindful way. She is working a program, trying to instill healthy habits. Recovery is work, and it is all about finding out who you are, and how you can live a healthy mental life.
In many ways I am doing a similar thing. I am examining some of the unhealthy habits I have acquired. Why they crept in there. How I can replace them with healthier ones.
Will our marriage survive? I think it will. I may be wrong: the coming year is going to be a strange one, and many things will change. But I am definitely optimistic.
Is it a matter of the drinking going away, thus letting harmony back? No, I don't think so. Our relationship will have to evolve too, if this is going to work. She has to change, so have I, and as a result so will our relationship. Maybe the challenge of doing all these things at the same time will prove too much for us: it certainly is ambitious.
But the good thing is: I will be mentally healthier and more peaceful, no matter what the outcome is. That is the one thing about the future that I can control.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jeepgirl.....I can't quote any statistics, but, it is pointed out, in lots of the literature that alcoholism and addictions are often co=existing with other diagnoses, also. That the drinking may be a way of self medicating the other conditions. In particular...ADHD and depression seem to be very common.
I have long had a personal interest in undiagnosed adult ADHD...as, many people struggle with it all their lives, and never know they have it. Most adults find out; they have it when their kids are diagnosed...! Depression is very common, and, of course alcohol is, within itself a depressant.
There are more rehab facilities, today, that are dual diagnosis, for this very reason....
Yes, I have known several long recovering alcoholics...I am talking many years of being in recovery...Some with their partners, and some, without. In every case...they adhere to a strong program...and, live their lives by the principles of AA...always have a sponsor and do outreach work for other alcoholics. Their sobriety is the first priority of their lives...and they acknowledge that it must be this way for the rest of their lives.
I am giving you the following link to an article from our extensive library of articles...on how to judge where an alcoholic is in regard to recovery...and, I think it is a pretty good yardstick.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
I have long had a personal interest in undiagnosed adult ADHD...as, many people struggle with it all their lives, and never know they have it. Most adults find out; they have it when their kids are diagnosed...! Depression is very common, and, of course alcohol is, within itself a depressant.
There are more rehab facilities, today, that are dual diagnosis, for this very reason....
Yes, I have known several long recovering alcoholics...I am talking many years of being in recovery...Some with their partners, and some, without. In every case...they adhere to a strong program...and, live their lives by the principles of AA...always have a sponsor and do outreach work for other alcoholics. Their sobriety is the first priority of their lives...and they acknowledge that it must be this way for the rest of their lives.
I am giving you the following link to an article from our extensive library of articles...on how to judge where an alcoholic is in regard to recovery...and, I think it is a pretty good yardstick.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 60
I wonder that myself. My husband is far away at a rehab and due to come home in a little more than a month. Today is therapy day for me. I don't know that I will broach that topic today at therapy but it will probably come up tonight at the Al-Anon meeting because they talked about it last week a little.
My husband called me for the first time this past Sunday. He got a "pass" from the therapist to call. I have some bad family staff going on right now (oldest sister is dying fairly imminently) and it was a weird conversation because although I really wanted to talk to him, I was very distracted because my brother and his wife had just pulled up to my house about 5 minutes or so after the phone rang. They are here in town for the 'say goodbye to our sister' thing and I really felt like I needed to go greet him, although my daughter was here as well. So I cut the call a bit short and I don't think he expected that. I also brought up a really bad thing I found out he did after he left (he did it before rehab though) and gave no quarter when he said "I was so drunk." "You are responsible for your behavior no matter what your level of sobriety."
I can see it is going to be a long way back, and we both want to make it work. I think there are lots of success stories--but they don't seem to be here on this forum for whatever reason. For me, I think it's worth fighting for, but it is fairly terrifying. I decided that I want to go visit him as he gets out of rehab because there is a lot of end-of-rehab stuff that apparently involves me. But I also am building in a "bucket list" trip that I plan to do regardless of whether he is able to join me or not since it won't be any more expensive to do the bucket list activity, and I am looking at booking a room on the ocean just for me. If he is able to join me, great. But the ocean is for me. It's going to be quite expensive to do this but I've decided that if the timing works out with my dying sister etc., I am going to do it.
I've been married a very long time, and most of it has been great. I'm all in to try to support him--but I am also all in to make sure I am okay if he doesn't make it work. This is a new thing for me. It is a thing that I like.
My husband called me for the first time this past Sunday. He got a "pass" from the therapist to call. I have some bad family staff going on right now (oldest sister is dying fairly imminently) and it was a weird conversation because although I really wanted to talk to him, I was very distracted because my brother and his wife had just pulled up to my house about 5 minutes or so after the phone rang. They are here in town for the 'say goodbye to our sister' thing and I really felt like I needed to go greet him, although my daughter was here as well. So I cut the call a bit short and I don't think he expected that. I also brought up a really bad thing I found out he did after he left (he did it before rehab though) and gave no quarter when he said "I was so drunk." "You are responsible for your behavior no matter what your level of sobriety."
I can see it is going to be a long way back, and we both want to make it work. I think there are lots of success stories--but they don't seem to be here on this forum for whatever reason. For me, I think it's worth fighting for, but it is fairly terrifying. I decided that I want to go visit him as he gets out of rehab because there is a lot of end-of-rehab stuff that apparently involves me. But I also am building in a "bucket list" trip that I plan to do regardless of whether he is able to join me or not since it won't be any more expensive to do the bucket list activity, and I am looking at booking a room on the ocean just for me. If he is able to join me, great. But the ocean is for me. It's going to be quite expensive to do this but I've decided that if the timing works out with my dying sister etc., I am going to do it.
I've been married a very long time, and most of it has been great. I'm all in to try to support him--but I am also all in to make sure I am okay if he doesn't make it work. This is a new thing for me. It is a thing that I like.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Counselor said that something is triggering his drinking and he needs to pay attention to what he's thinking and feeling when he's thinking about wanting a drink.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I think that it is important to remember that what the alcoholic "reports" what a counselor has said, is filtered through their own understanding of it. I we aren't actually in the room when something was said, we don't necessarily, know the whole story.....
That goes for "what the doctor said", also...lol...
That goes for "what the doctor said", also...lol...
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, Yes, Yes!!! Also, remember they are spinning their own tale to the counselor, so the counselor is responding to the truth they are receiving from an addict, who are famous for the tales they spin.
Just a reminder of that.
Just a reminder of that.
Originally Posted by dandylion 
I think that it is important to remember that what the alcoholic "reports" what a counselor has said, is filtered through their own understanding of it. I we aren't actually in the room when something was said, we don't necessarily, know the whole story.....
That goes for "what the doctor said", also...lol...
That goes for "what the doctor said", also...lol...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by FireSprite
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-stories.html (Success stories?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-stories.html (Feeling hopeless, looking for success stories!)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-id-share.html (Ran across a success story today, thought I'd share)
IMO Anything is possible Jeepgirl - but we can't plan our lives around Hope. The common thread in EVERY SINGLE success story on EVERY SINGLE side of the forum comes down to one point - the willingness of the person to truly embrace & live a life of recovery.
I continue to consider myself an Enormous Success even while my husband handles his recovery in an entirely different way, this was my last update about a year ago & I'm even more centered & confident now:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...covery-me.html (5 Years of Codependent Recovery for Me)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
- he makes strides, but he's never been what anyone would consider a smashing success at recovery. Most of the time we find a balance but recovery also brings a permanent change to the relationship IMO - in the way that you can't "un-see" & "un-know" the past but you learn to move forward anyway. Everyone has a different path in this - everyone has different things that they've been subjected to in this process & different thresholds for tolerance. Hope this helps!
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-stories.html (Feeling hopeless, looking for success stories!)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-id-share.html (Ran across a success story today, thought I'd share)
IMO Anything is possible Jeepgirl - but we can't plan our lives around Hope. The common thread in EVERY SINGLE success story on EVERY SINGLE side of the forum comes down to one point - the willingness of the person to truly embrace & live a life of recovery.
I continue to consider myself an Enormous Success even while my husband handles his recovery in an entirely different way, this was my last update about a year ago & I'm even more centered & confident now:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...covery-me.html (5 Years of Codependent Recovery for Me)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
- he makes strides, but he's never been what anyone would consider a smashing success at recovery. Most of the time we find a balance but recovery also brings a permanent change to the relationship IMO - in the way that you can't "un-see" & "un-know" the past but you learn to move forward anyway. Everyone has a different path in this - everyone has different things that they've been subjected to in this process & different thresholds for tolerance. Hope this helps!
Wow. I never thought about a success story happening with ME not being in the relationship anymore. It's really got me thinking about perspective this morning.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
Counselor obviously knows nothing about alcoholism. What is triggering his drinking is alcoholism! What you think or feel has nothing to do with it. By the way, I have no family members who were alcoholics or addicts but I'm one (26 years this month). Yes, there is a genetic component but it's not uncommon for addicts to come from disease-free families. I suggest learning more about the disease by reading stickies on this site.
You don't think that (and I ask this with your understanding that I haven't done all the research, but I will ) alcoholism can be triggered or caused by other factors? That's what I think he meant. Why do we want to drink? What makes us pick up that drink? Stress, disability, depression, ADHD...and then it turns into habit and the disease begins? Much like diabetes can begin with bad diets.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by dandylion
Jeepgirl.....I can't quote any statistics, but, it is pointed out, in lots of the literature that alcoholism and addictions are often co=existing with other diagnoses, also. That the drinking may be a way of self medicating the other conditions. In particular...ADHD and depression seem to be very common.
I have long had a personal interest in undiagnosed adult ADHD...as, many people struggle with it all their lives, and never know they have it. Most adults find out; they have it when their kids are diagnosed...! Depression is very common, and, of course alcohol is, within itself a depressant.
There are more rehab facilities, today, that are dual diagnosis, for this very reason....
Yes, I have known several long recovering alcoholics...I am talking many years of being in recovery...Some with their partners, and some, without. In every case...they adhere to a strong program...and, live their lives by the principles of AA...always have a sponsor and do outreach work for other alcoholics. Their sobriety is the first priority of their lives...and they acknowledge that it must be this way for the rest of their lives.
I am giving you the following link to an article from our extensive library of articles...on how to judge where an alcoholic is in regard to recovery...and, I think it is a pretty good yardstick.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
I have long had a personal interest in undiagnosed adult ADHD...as, many people struggle with it all their lives, and never know they have it. Most adults find out; they have it when their kids are diagnosed...! Depression is very common, and, of course alcohol is, within itself a depressant.
There are more rehab facilities, today, that are dual diagnosis, for this very reason....
Yes, I have known several long recovering alcoholics...I am talking many years of being in recovery...Some with their partners, and some, without. In every case...they adhere to a strong program...and, live their lives by the principles of AA...always have a sponsor and do outreach work for other alcoholics. Their sobriety is the first priority of their lives...and they acknowledge that it must be this way for the rest of their lives.
I am giving you the following link to an article from our extensive library of articles...on how to judge where an alcoholic is in regard to recovery...and, I think it is a pretty good yardstick.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
JeepGirl - My husband was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression by his psychologist. Unfortunately, this past Dr. didn't believe alcohol was a disease and gave my STBXAH some BS about how he just needed to retrain his brain not to drink. So he was prescribed drugs to treat the ADHD which he took AND drank and it was a complete nightmare. It is good to hear that your husband's counselor is also in recovery, hopefully he'll get the help he needs...
I also want you to know that I've been where you are, searching for answers trying to understand what's happening, desperate to know WHY everything is happening....what I've come to realize is there is no answer to those questions. It's such a confusing disease because there are no answers, it doesn't matter if its hereditary or not, it doesn't matter if its a symptom of another issue (ADHD, Depression, etc), it doesn't matter because it doesn't change the fact that it's there, it's real, and it's NEVER going away. It is a disease that needs constant monitoring and a conscious decision on a daily basis by the person afflicted to make the necessary changes to stay sober.
I'm currently in the middle of a divorce from my AH. It's such a crazy-making situation to be in. I searched high and low for answers that just aren't there. The complete lack of control is so uncomfortable and devastating because I wanted so badly to help control his recovery and "help" him. The lesson I'm still learning is the ONLY person(s) I can help is myself and my child.
Sending you lots of hugs and support.
I also want you to know that I've been where you are, searching for answers trying to understand what's happening, desperate to know WHY everything is happening....what I've come to realize is there is no answer to those questions. It's such a confusing disease because there are no answers, it doesn't matter if its hereditary or not, it doesn't matter if its a symptom of another issue (ADHD, Depression, etc), it doesn't matter because it doesn't change the fact that it's there, it's real, and it's NEVER going away. It is a disease that needs constant monitoring and a conscious decision on a daily basis by the person afflicted to make the necessary changes to stay sober.
I'm currently in the middle of a divorce from my AH. It's such a crazy-making situation to be in. I searched high and low for answers that just aren't there. The complete lack of control is so uncomfortable and devastating because I wanted so badly to help control his recovery and "help" him. The lesson I'm still learning is the ONLY person(s) I can help is myself and my child.
Sending you lots of hugs and support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by BAW81
JeepGirl - My husband was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression by his psychologist. Unfortunately, this past Dr. didn't believe alcohol was a disease and gave my STBXAH some BS about how he just needed to retrain his brain not to drink. So he was prescribed drugs to treat the ADHD which he took AND drank and it was a complete nightmare. It is good to hear that your husband's counselor is also in recovery, hopefully he'll get the help he needs...
I also want you to know that I've been where you are, searching for answers trying to understand what's happening, desperate to know WHY everything is happening....what I've come to realize is there is no answer to those questions. It's such a confusing disease because there are no answers, it doesn't matter if its hereditary or not, it doesn't matter if its a symptom of another issue (ADHD, Depression, etc), it doesn't matter because it doesn't change the fact that it's there, it's real, and it's NEVER going away. It is a disease that needs constant monitoring and a conscious decision on a daily basis by the person afflicted to make the necessary changes to stay sober.
I'm currently in the middle of a divorce from my AH. It's such a crazy-making situation to be in. I searched high and low for answers that just aren't there. The complete lack of control is so uncomfortable and devastating because I wanted so badly to help control his recovery and "help" him. The lesson I'm still learning is the ONLY person(s) I can help is myself and my child.
Sending you lots of hugs and support.
I also want you to know that I've been where you are, searching for answers trying to understand what's happening, desperate to know WHY everything is happening....what I've come to realize is there is no answer to those questions. It's such a confusing disease because there are no answers, it doesn't matter if its hereditary or not, it doesn't matter if its a symptom of another issue (ADHD, Depression, etc), it doesn't matter because it doesn't change the fact that it's there, it's real, and it's NEVER going away. It is a disease that needs constant monitoring and a conscious decision on a daily basis by the person afflicted to make the necessary changes to stay sober.
I'm currently in the middle of a divorce from my AH. It's such a crazy-making situation to be in. I searched high and low for answers that just aren't there. The complete lack of control is so uncomfortable and devastating because I wanted so badly to help control his recovery and "help" him. The lesson I'm still learning is the ONLY person(s) I can help is myself and my child.
Sending you lots of hugs and support.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Jeepgirl79
You don't think that (and I ask this with your understanding that I haven't done all the research, but I will ) alcoholism can be triggered or caused by other factors? That's what I think he meant. Why do we want to drink? What makes us pick up that drink? Stress, disability, depression, ADHD...and then it turns into habit and the disease begins? Much like diabetes can begin with bad diets.
imo, alcoholism doesnt do a thing to make a person drink until theyve had a drink.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
Originally Posted by Jeepgirl79
And that's my problem. I CRAVE control. I don't drink much myself bc I don't like to feel out of control. (I have a glass of wine once or twice a month with friends at dinner.)
I'm learning the ONLY thing I can control are my actions and my reaction to other people's actions. PERIOD.END.STOP. I'm not saying I like it because i don't but I'm learning it....
I believe we are all in this world to learn and living through this experience is teaching me a valuable, albeit painful, lesson about control.
I know I am a broken record but PLEASE PLEASE, if only started at 5 minutes at day, start to think about you. What makes you happy, do something that makes you happy. Take back control over yourself because YOU need YOU now more than ever and so do those kiddos.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by BAW81
I encourage to you further examine your craving....My life lesson as I untangle myself from my STBXAH is coming to terms that I cannot control ANYTHING about him. I couldn't control his drinking by bargaining with him to only have 2-3 drinks/night. I couldn't control him losing his job even though I coached him at night and sometimes even ghost wrote emails to his boss. I couldn't control him not buying into the 12 steps. I couldn't control him from verbally attacking me. I couldn't control him endangering our child when I had to travel for work and the list goes on and on......
I'm learning the ONLY thing I can control are my actions and my reaction to other people's actions. PERIOD.END.STOP. I'm not saying I like it because i don't but I'm learning it....
I believe we are all in this world to learn and living through this experience is teaching me a valuable, albeit painful, lesson about control.
I know I am a broken record but PLEASE PLEASE, if only started at 5 minutes at day, start to think about you. What makes you happy, do something that makes you happy. Take back control over yourself because YOU need YOU now more than ever and so do those kiddos.
I'm learning the ONLY thing I can control are my actions and my reaction to other people's actions. PERIOD.END.STOP. I'm not saying I like it because i don't but I'm learning it....
I believe we are all in this world to learn and living through this experience is teaching me a valuable, albeit painful, lesson about control.
I know I am a broken record but PLEASE PLEASE, if only started at 5 minutes at day, start to think about you. What makes you happy, do something that makes you happy. Take back control over yourself because YOU need YOU now more than ever and so do those kiddos.
But I'm ready for me. I'm ready to know what happiness is. I feel anxiety when I come home, I feel worried at night when I try to sleep and he's up all hours doing God knows what...I just can't do it anymore. :-(
I'm aging more every day and I can't even afford Botox! :-P
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