Upsidedown23

First week of bf in rehab is now done...

I've spent the whole week working on myself as best I can, trying to stay positive, get my mind right, build strength etc.

Today I felt I had an especially good day, I finished the self-help book I was reading, listened to several motivational speakers online, ploughed through my chores and even took a nice long soak in the bath.

He called this evening to check in and now I'm an emotional wreck again. I held it together when we spoke but my heart sank as soon as he hung up.

He seemed happy and chatty, told me all about his day and what he has planned for tomorrow etc, nothing bad happened. But the whole time I was talking to him I found myself looking for clues in his voice as to whether he still loves me, which is an insane and ridiculous thing to do.

So many of you told me to prepare for the fact he might not want to be with me when he gets back, and try as I might to come to terms with that, I'm finding myself obsessing over it instead. I feel weak, foolish and lonely this evening and just needed to get it out x

AnvilheadII

upsidedown.........hon it's only been a week. for him AND for you. no one grows much in a single week, no one changes much from their prior position in a week. your recovery is going to take time and practice.

reminder, he's in REHAB. his mind IS elsewhere, he has a LOT going on, mentally, emotionally and physically. you need to ratchet your expectations down to right around zero. who knows how this will turn out. he is not your reason for living. he's a part of your life, one part. you have many many other parts. he may or may not be a part of your life long term. most relationships don't last a long time. especially in our younger years.

learn to hold on not so tightly to the others in your life. let them come and go, let there be a flow, not a dam.

Upsidedown23

Thanks. Yes I understand all that, I agree and told myself all of this before.

I'd been single for quite some time before I met him and I was perfectly fine with that, I wasn't looking to meet someone when he came into my life... I didn't feel desperate to form a connection with someone, it just happened.

Whilst I can be quite sensitive, I do tend to see myself as a fairly rational, easy going person. That's why this feeling is causing me so much distress. I feel like I know better than this but I can't stop feeling it so strongly. I feel like I'm not myself at the moment and I'm struggling to overcome it.

Just wanna snap out of it and act rationally again

dandylion

Upsidedown...I think it is pretty normal to fear the loss of the relationship...on the other hand, it will be necessary for you to feel like you will cope with whatever reality that life brings your way.....

You will need extra face to face support, which ever way things go....

maia1234

For him to truly get well, he needs to commit to his sobriety 1000%. Expect nothing and hope for the best. This is really what you want and need in a healthy partner. Give him that space and time to heal. You need to heal also, as your relationship will change if he truly is sober. He doesn't know you any other way, but high.

Hit some meeting and work on your short comings . If it is God's plan, it will work out. Give this to your higher power, because this is out, of your control. Hugs