Would have been day 2
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Would have been day 2
Hi everyone, I know I've been here for a while, and I'm sorry I keep failing. I was doing ok in August (I had 20 days) and then a few 4-5 day streaks in September. I attempted to join the October class, but my emotions with my mom are all over the place. She just got out of the extended stay hospital after having a sepsis infection late August/early September. We found out earlier this week that something in her blood went from 143 to 86, which typically means her tumors are shrinking, and I was so happy about that. Then the last couple of days, mainly today, she has not felt well and tonight she was admitted to the ICU with possible sepsis again (they won't know for sure until her blood cultures come back which takes a couple of days). She looks so tired, and when one of the nurses asked her something tonight, her response was "I don't know, my life is a mess". I just feel so bad. And part of me is saying, don't drink, because if I have to go to the hospital in the middle of the night, I won't be able to drive, and part of me just wants to drink to relieve the pain. I didn't drink yesterday, but tonight alcohol won. I'm just tired, I can't do anything to help. I'm trying, but I know it's not good enough. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself, which admittedly I can do. I don't know how to get through this without alcohol. Sorry I am just venting, I don't really have anyone to talk to so thanks for listening. Tomorrow will be better 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi emme, so sorry to hear that about your mother. I can definitely relate as my mother has been in poor health recently as well, and it definitely does make me want to grab a bottle and forget. A few months ago I even went to the hospital with a buzz on, and she (and probably everyone else) definitely knew...
But don't lose hope! There is always something to be done. Do you have a support system like AA or another group of people who know what it's like? That's where I would start. Your mother needs you to be sharp during tough times, and alcohol will make you the opposite: sluggish, more easily confused, and basically unable to help in any real way. That being said, you have to get sober for you and no one else, not even your mother. Focus on yourself first, because without a healthy you, there's no contributing to a healthy her! Best of luck :-)
But don't lose hope! There is always something to be done. Do you have a support system like AA or another group of people who know what it's like? That's where I would start. Your mother needs you to be sharp during tough times, and alcohol will make you the opposite: sluggish, more easily confused, and basically unable to help in any real way. That being said, you have to get sober for you and no one else, not even your mother. Focus on yourself first, because without a healthy you, there's no contributing to a healthy her! Best of luck :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I am sorry to hear about your mom, I can't imagine how stressful and painful that must be.
You make some good points as to why alcohol is not a good idea- for one, not being able to drive if you need to get to the hospital. But deeper than that, avoiding this stress by drinking does nothing to help you deal with it long term. I know it must be hard to face, but facing it is the only way through it. In addition, alcohol does nothing for your feelings of tiredness, you end up more tired after drinking, right?
In my meetings with my psychologist I have been learning some techniques to deal with anxiety and stress. They are pretty standard, and I am sure you have heard them all before, but why not give them a try. I kind of rolled my eyes at them too, but I've just gotten to the point where I would rather have my face chopped off than drink again, so yeah, whatever, I'll go through the motions and try them.... The good thing about these techniques is that you don't have to believe in them for them to work. It's just chemical, brain stuff, they just work even if you are rolling your eyes the whole time
-Temperature. A quick temperature drop helps regulate the stress and anxiety at a chemical level in your brain. If you have one of those sleeping mask things, wet it and put it in the freezer, pull it out and put it over your eyes when you are feeling upset. Or, take an ice cold shower for as long as you can stand it. If you are out and about and can't get in the shower or use the eye mask, go to a restroom and splash cold water over your face repeatedly, in a constant motion for several minutes (I know, I know, the make up, I have been thinking of that too.... I guess keep some powder in your purse so you can freshen up after.)
-Physical activity. Do something hard and fast for a few minutes. Run in place as hard as you can. Lift heavy weights. Go for a run or a power walk- if you walk, really push yourself, the goal here is something very strenuous for a short burst of time. The increased blood flow overrides the stress stuff and can bring you back to a calmer spot.
-Breathing. There is some relaxation technique but we haven't gotten into that yet. For now she told me to keep it simple and just breathe in for three full seconds and then breathe out for double the time, so six seconds, being sure to completely empty my lungs. Again, something about this works at a brain level to pull you back down.
You make some good points as to why alcohol is not a good idea- for one, not being able to drive if you need to get to the hospital. But deeper than that, avoiding this stress by drinking does nothing to help you deal with it long term. I know it must be hard to face, but facing it is the only way through it. In addition, alcohol does nothing for your feelings of tiredness, you end up more tired after drinking, right?
In my meetings with my psychologist I have been learning some techniques to deal with anxiety and stress. They are pretty standard, and I am sure you have heard them all before, but why not give them a try. I kind of rolled my eyes at them too, but I've just gotten to the point where I would rather have my face chopped off than drink again, so yeah, whatever, I'll go through the motions and try them.... The good thing about these techniques is that you don't have to believe in them for them to work. It's just chemical, brain stuff, they just work even if you are rolling your eyes the whole time
-Temperature. A quick temperature drop helps regulate the stress and anxiety at a chemical level in your brain. If you have one of those sleeping mask things, wet it and put it in the freezer, pull it out and put it over your eyes when you are feeling upset. Or, take an ice cold shower for as long as you can stand it. If you are out and about and can't get in the shower or use the eye mask, go to a restroom and splash cold water over your face repeatedly, in a constant motion for several minutes (I know, I know, the make up, I have been thinking of that too.... I guess keep some powder in your purse so you can freshen up after.)
-Physical activity. Do something hard and fast for a few minutes. Run in place as hard as you can. Lift heavy weights. Go for a run or a power walk- if you walk, really push yourself, the goal here is something very strenuous for a short burst of time. The increased blood flow overrides the stress stuff and can bring you back to a calmer spot.
-Breathing. There is some relaxation technique but we haven't gotten into that yet. For now she told me to keep it simple and just breathe in for three full seconds and then breathe out for double the time, so six seconds, being sure to completely empty my lungs. Again, something about this works at a brain level to pull you back down.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry to hear about your mom too Emme.
I think drinking makes us less capable in the long run.
I started drinking over a few definite things - but by the time I stopped I was drinking over absolutely everything.
I really do believe you're strong enough to deal with your moms illness and be sober - but you need to give yourself the chance to prove that.
If you need support there's an amazing amount here - why not post here instead of drinking the next time you feel overwhelmed?
D
I think drinking makes us less capable in the long run.
I started drinking over a few definite things - but by the time I stopped I was drinking over absolutely everything.
I really do believe you're strong enough to deal with your moms illness and be sober - but you need to give yourself the chance to prove that.
If you need support there's an amazing amount here - why not post here instead of drinking the next time you feel overwhelmed?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the late reply but thank you for your responses.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom VigilanceNow, I am wishing you the best for both you & her ♥
Thank you Meraviglioso for the ideas and suggestions. I copied them and will try them. They can only help, so thank you
Thank you Dee, I drink over anything and everything, I've tried to quit so many times I know one of these times has to be the one that finally sticks. Thanks for your support.
Thank you Caramel
Monday has to be day 1. Someone is coming to my house to check my roof/ceiling damage and I need to let him in at 8:30am. which is before I am usually even up. I'm really looking forward to no more, and if that takes someone coming to my house, so be it.. Thanks again everyone, I appreciate it a lot.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom VigilanceNow, I am wishing you the best for both you & her ♥
Thank you Meraviglioso for the ideas and suggestions. I copied them and will try them. They can only help, so thank you
Thank you Dee, I drink over anything and everything, I've tried to quit so many times I know one of these times has to be the one that finally sticks. Thanks for your support.
Thank you Caramel
Monday has to be day 1. Someone is coming to my house to check my roof/ceiling damage and I need to let him in at 8:30am. which is before I am usually even up. I'm really looking forward to no more, and if that takes someone coming to my house, so be it.. Thanks again everyone, I appreciate it a lot.
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