WhisperB

We've been married 12 years, together 15. We have a 10 year old daughter. He has drank pretty much our whole relationship but it progressively got worse to the point he was no longer involved in our lives at all. I packed up our daughter and left him 4 months ago and began the separation process. One month after I left he checked into a rehab facility. He's been home and sober almost 90 days...until today. I went by to have dinner with him. He knew I was coming and he was drunk when I got there. He got upset and kept saying relapse is part of recovery. I am furious. We are on the road to reconciling and supposed to be moving into our new house together in 2 weeks. Thankfully our daughter wasn't with me. She saw some awful things with him before he left for rehab. I'm so angry but most of all afraid that this will lead right back to where we started. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now...how I'm supposed to react....wondering if and when will it happen again. Honestly deep down I'm not surprised by the relapse. But what now?

Dee74

Hi WhisperB

I'm sorry to read this - but honestly I'd be putting the brakes on moving back in together.

You've already been through the relationship where alcohol was the other woman.

Not sure who passed on the dubious wisdom to your husband but relapse is not a part of my recovery - relapse is part of my addiction.

D

least

I strongly agree that relapse is part of the addiction, not recovery.

I'd not get back together with him at this point. He's deluded if he thinks relapse is 'expected' or normal in recovery.

We have a special forum for friends and family of alcoholics that you might be interested in. Lots of insight there from people who have walked in your shoes.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

hellrzr

" He got upset and kept saying relapse is part of recovery."

Wrong! He's saying that because he wants to drink and wants an excuse he thinks you will buy. He probably also wants you to pity him because he has a disease and can't help it. If he's an alcoholic and is actively drinking than he's s liar and now that you've seen him drinking again it will be tough to believe him.

What program has he been following since leaving rehab? I'm going to guess nothing and if so that is a major problem. That and the fact he really doesn't want to stop.

I'm not going to lie, you are in a bad spot and I feel sympathy for you. I think the best you can do right now and get yourself to Al-Anon and start working the program. You certainly need to do your best to put your foot down but like you've seen, once an alcoholic starts running again they won't stop for anything until they feel enough pain that they are willing to change themselves.

WhisperB

Thank you all! You've said exactly what I thought to be true. It's so heartbreaking.

Rubaduck

Honestly, I feel sorry for him. I'm sure he must be upset about relapsing. But he's got to get his act together immediately, for the sake of his family. I hope you can find a way to keep communicating with him.

I'd say, in every situation, just think about what's best for your daughter. Talk to her though. Better yet, just listen. 10 year old kids aren't naive.

Good luck.

Gottalife

Relapse is not part of recovery, but the idea that it is comes from the rehab industry. Planting the seed for future business.