Sadwife2017

Long story short, my husband and I have been together for about 7 years and married for 1 year. We have a 2 year old and a baby on the way. My husband has struggled with drug addiction the whole time we have been together. Once we got pregnant with our son, he cleaned up his act some but it's still a battle. He will stay sober and try for months and then goes on a 2 week binge that always ends up bad for him. It hurts our family and absolutely kills me deep inside every time. He is a loving father, husband,hard worker, smart, I could go on and on about the sober person I love. I hate the person he is when he is using. He decided to go on his last binge last week, he called to sign up for outpatient rehab because he is on the verge of losing everything but wasn't able to get in for a couple weeks. On Thursday night, he was arrested and charged with DUI and possession of a controlled substance. He's facing a felony DUI this time around and his bail is set at $5000 which is money we just don't have, but his mom would help. I have already paid $1500 to an attorneys in hopes to get his bail reduced and that did not work. This man is the breadwinner in our family and needs to work, this case could take upwards of a year to get a verdict. Would you beg his mom to front the money you don't have?? Would you leave him in there the whole case?? I am so torn. I know my husband needs help. I know I should probably just leave him, but I'm scared. I don't want to break up our family. I also still love him.

atalose

My opinion, leave him there, do not bail him out, the longer he sits in there the longer he remains clean and the better chance he has to remain that way. Trust your gut on this one. Save asking him mother for money until you really need it for diapers, food, etc.

I do not mean this in a mean or judgement way but living with active addiction makes our thinking cloudy. An active addict does not make for a good bread winner or father or partner. He is on a downward spiral and the last thing your children need is for you to go down with him. He can get help in jail, if he wants, he will have more access to substance issue help then he would if you bailed him out.

What’s more important, him remaining clean and getting help in jail or you feeding your fears and bailing him out.

You need a plan, now today to help you and your child and unborn baby and that plan should not include springing an active addict out of jail so that he can wreck more havoc on your lives at this time.

PuzzledHeart

A truly sober husband and father would not force the mother of his children to choose between them and him.

You love him, but you also love your kids too. It shouldn't be an either or situation. I'm angry for your sake that his addiction has made it into an either/or situation. The love for your husband should not be competing against the love for your kids. It shouldn't be "Do I spend this money bailing him out, or do I save this money for my children?"

With my own addicted sister, I often ask myself "What would she want me to do if she was truly sober and truly capable of making decisions?" What would your husband want you to do if he wasn't sick and in the throes of addiction?

My own husband has, through no fault of his own, a chronic disease which makes it impossible for him to get life insurance - as much as I want the option to be a stay at home mom I know that I can't. I just know too many stories of women who were financially blindsided when their husbands were taken away from them. You are in a very similar situation. Your husband has an addiction that severely impairs his ability to be the breadwinner and a good father. You may still love him, but love doesn't erase a possible felony DUI conviction. Love doesn't erase unemployment. Your husband has made the choice to do drugs. Your children do not have any choices at all, and they are depending on you to make the right ones for them.

You can do this.