He used again
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 65
He used again
Long story, but because of insurance issues, he could not continue the treatment after inpatient. I was hoping we could fix the issues, and he could go back, but I guess it is too late.
A week later, he started taking cough syrup again. He took some on Friday, and on Sunday morning he and the teens in the house had it out...it was not pretty...he, of course, has no blame in any of it. I called the police because I was worried it was going to get violent, and the police officer suggested he leave for the night after seeing the videos of him inches from their faces but making sure he wasn't touching them.
The officer also told me I can't legally kick him out unless I file for divorce and a restraining order. He told me he passed the sobriety test but he could tell by talking with him that he is not operating on all six cylinders now unless he was always off in his thinking. Nope--this stuff messes with his head for days.
I packed up my stuff and my kids' stuff, and we are staying with a friend starting tomorrow . Until what? I don't know. I can't have a legit conversation with him until he stops taking the stuff for a week which may never happen now. I just need some space to figure out what to do. When he finds out, I am sure he will be furious, and I am concerned about what he may do to/with the kids so I feel like I am having to be on full alert.
Ironically, he is still going to meetings in his altered state.
A week later, he started taking cough syrup again. He took some on Friday, and on Sunday morning he and the teens in the house had it out...it was not pretty...he, of course, has no blame in any of it. I called the police because I was worried it was going to get violent, and the police officer suggested he leave for the night after seeing the videos of him inches from their faces but making sure he wasn't touching them.
The officer also told me I can't legally kick him out unless I file for divorce and a restraining order. He told me he passed the sobriety test but he could tell by talking with him that he is not operating on all six cylinders now unless he was always off in his thinking. Nope--this stuff messes with his head for days.
I packed up my stuff and my kids' stuff, and we are staying with a friend starting tomorrow . Until what? I don't know. I can't have a legit conversation with him until he stops taking the stuff for a week which may never happen now. I just need some space to figure out what to do. When he finds out, I am sure he will be furious, and I am concerned about what he may do to/with the kids so I feel like I am having to be on full alert.
Ironically, he is still going to meetings in his altered state.
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We have been married for 10 years so he will know where my friends live--I won't tell him where, but he may be able to find out. He hasn't been threatening violence (in fact, yesterday it felt like he walked right up to the line to make sure he could not get in trouble).
This is just insane. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. My husband has disappeared almost overnight.
This is just insane. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. My husband has disappeared almost overnight.
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I am sorry to hear this, dejavuwife, but sadly, not particularly surprised.
It is true, in many places, the only way that you would be able to stay in the house and get him out is to file for divorce or legal separation and sole occupancy of the home. At the moment, even in his current condition, he has the legal right to be in the home.
I am glad to hear that you and your children are safe at a friend's home. Hopefully, you will never have to use this option, but I suppose if it were me, I would look for the closest women's shelter. It would be someplace safe and someplace with which he would be unfamiliar. Therefore, harder for him to find you if/when he goes on a rage.
Wishing you nothing but peace and clarity as you make both a short-term and longer-term plan for you and the kiddos.
Please take good care!
It is true, in many places, the only way that you would be able to stay in the house and get him out is to file for divorce or legal separation and sole occupancy of the home. At the moment, even in his current condition, he has the legal right to be in the home.
I am glad to hear that you and your children are safe at a friend's home. Hopefully, you will never have to use this option, but I suppose if it were me, I would look for the closest women's shelter. It would be someplace safe and someplace with which he would be unfamiliar. Therefore, harder for him to find you if/when he goes on a rage.
Wishing you nothing but peace and clarity as you make both a short-term and longer-term plan for you and the kiddos.
Please take good care!
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
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Dejavuwife,
When you said it's like your husband disappeared almost overnight that is what it felt like for me too. In retrospect, he had been lying routinely over years, verbally "slightly" abusive, but not actually violent. Suddenly he had a relapse and -- boom -- he's gone. I considered packing and going to a shelter too. Someone once said to me to think of it like this: it's like he's gone for a long vacation and might never return. I hope your husband finds sobriety but I also hope that you are safe. Sending prayers.
When you said it's like your husband disappeared almost overnight that is what it felt like for me too. In retrospect, he had been lying routinely over years, verbally "slightly" abusive, but not actually violent. Suddenly he had a relapse and -- boom -- he's gone. I considered packing and going to a shelter too. Someone once said to me to think of it like this: it's like he's gone for a long vacation and might never return. I hope your husband finds sobriety but I also hope that you are safe. Sending prayers.
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This is just insane. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. My husband has disappeared almost overnight.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz 
Dejavuwife,
When you said it's like your husband disappeared almost overnight that is what it felt like for me too. In retrospect, he had been lying routinely over years, verbally "slightly" abusive, but not actually violent. Suddenly he had a relapse and -- boom -- he's gone. I considered packing and going to a shelter too. Someone once said to me to think of it like this: it's like he's gone for a long vacation and might never return. I hope your husband finds sobriety but I also hope that you are safe. Sending prayers.
When you said it's like your husband disappeared almost overnight that is what it felt like for me too. In retrospect, he had been lying routinely over years, verbally "slightly" abusive, but not actually violent. Suddenly he had a relapse and -- boom -- he's gone. I considered packing and going to a shelter too. Someone once said to me to think of it like this: it's like he's gone for a long vacation and might never return. I hope your husband finds sobriety but I also hope that you are safe. Sending prayers.
I can't say that my husband had been lying to me routinely or even been "slightly" abusive really--I mean, we have had disagreements, but we are usually pretty good about sticking to problem solving mode, no name calling, etc. Our close friends never really saw this coming either.
A close friend who has known him for years who happens to be a counselor, too, talked with him for hours today and made some headway. AH and I talked afterwards, and for the first time in a while he came to me with humility. I let him know we needed to separate for a bit. He understands why we need some space right now and is not angry. He knows he needs to work on himself to show me right now because he knows his talk has been cheap. I talked with our friend, too and it sounds like he really pushed him hard. Only time will tell...
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You are right, talk is cheap. If I had a dollar for every time my XAH sat down and seemed so sincere in telling me he was sorry and he was done. Nope. We are divorced, and he is still not done. So he realizes he needs to work on himself, time will show through actions if he is actually willing to do what it takes or not.
I hope you continue to work on you and protect yourself and your children from the blow this deals to families, as much as you can.
Hugs hugs.
I hope you continue to work on you and protect yourself and your children from the blow this deals to families, as much as you can.
Hugs hugs.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 65
Because of the gender/ages of the kids, I cannot really go to a shelter. After talking with him some, I am hopeful that next week he will agree to move out and let me and the kids stay in the house. For whatever reason, when I sent him to the hotel after using, he did not get that I wanted a separation (oh yeah--he was too high to get it). Anyway, now he sees the reason behind it and thinks the separation will help both of us get back on track.
I am not used to being the sole transporter of the kids so this has been the trickiest part with my FT job. Also, I am going out of town next week for business so I have no idea what I can do then. I am looking at my different options so there are more than one, but none are logistically simple.
One day at a time...I am really not good with that part because I want to have a plan and stick to the plan, but this is where I have to be. Life has beaten the plan gene out of me.
I am not used to being the sole transporter of the kids so this has been the trickiest part with my FT job. Also, I am going out of town next week for business so I have no idea what I can do then. I am looking at my different options so there are more than one, but none are logistically simple.
One day at a time...I am really not good with that part because I want to have a plan and stick to the plan, but this is where I have to be. Life has beaten the plan gene out of me.
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