My wife
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
It's not enough for any of us to make a determination like that, Bob.
All I can add is that people suspected I was drinking a long time after I quit. but I did a lot to create that mistrust by insisting I wasn't drinking when I was many times.
From your posts, though, clearly you're not happy with things at the moment, and she sounds pretty unhappy too - would either of you or you both consider some marriage counselling maybe?
D
All I can add is that people suspected I was drinking a long time after I quit. but I did a lot to create that mistrust by insisting I wasn't drinking when I was many times.
From your posts, though, clearly you're not happy with things at the moment, and she sounds pretty unhappy too - would either of you or you both consider some marriage counselling maybe?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
Thanks Dee. I think that we are close to talking this through. When we are in that position, things get talked about. I am weak when it comes to confrontation. She is strong, but maybe not with me. This may be my confrontation that solves it. Not sure. After sex, things are different. I think I'm getting stronger. We deserve to talk to each other.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
We're sitting here next to each other like nothing happened. I love her, she loves me. I know that. She has no clue what's going on with me me. That's where the confrontation needs to happen. I'm thinking about changing my logon to go completely clean in the conversation so she can share this site with me. Good idea?
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
No. It’s your recovery, not hers.
You wouldn’t take her to an AA meeting, nor would she probably want to go.
Certainly be open and honest with your wife. Tell her you’ve joined a recovery group online if you want.
My wife knows I come to SR, but she has never asked me what I do here, nor has she ever asked me what happens at AA meetings.
I don’t think she really wants to know, or even cares. She just wants me to be a sober husband.
You wouldn’t take her to an AA meeting, nor would she probably want to go.
Certainly be open and honest with your wife. Tell her you’ve joined a recovery group online if you want.
My wife knows I come to SR, but she has never asked me what I do here, nor has she ever asked me what happens at AA meetings.
I don’t think she really wants to know, or even cares. She just wants me to be a sober husband.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 132
I've recommended this site to a good friend recently. But I didn't share my screen name. Personally, this is kind of like therapy or a diary for me. If you'd let your wife read your diary perhaps it makes sense, but not for me personally.
How about long walks and good talks together? After a while, explain your situation little by little if it feels right? Also keeps you away from drinks, and outdoor air and exercise is the best medicine.
Good luck.
How about long walks and good talks together? After a while, explain your situation little by little if it feels right? Also keeps you away from drinks, and outdoor air and exercise is the best medicine.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
What is your dilemma? She knows you drink. She doesn't like it. You're quitting.
What is all this back and forth? You don't need to tell her every dirty detail, or that you have been sneaking drinks or hiding bottles or whatever guilt you are feeling. Just, "I'm done with drinking." If you want to tell her someday, then think about why you want to tell her and if it benefits your relationship.
Then - be done with drinking.
You're going to be okay.
What is all this back and forth? You don't need to tell her every dirty detail, or that you have been sneaking drinks or hiding bottles or whatever guilt you are feeling. Just, "I'm done with drinking." If you want to tell her someday, then think about why you want to tell her and if it benefits your relationship.
Then - be done with drinking.
You're going to be okay.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by bobdrop 
This needs to get done before tailgating.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i think something causing problems is calling communication confrontation.
tailgating- i stood a snowballs chance in hell of getting and staying sober if i went around wet places and wet faces early on.
if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
i can sit in the garage all day but that aint gonna make me a car
tailgating- i stood a snowballs chance in hell of getting and staying sober if i went around wet places and wet faces early on.
if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
i can sit in the garage all day but that aint gonna make me a car
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
You are right to just be honest with your wife. She knows you better than anyone else, I'm guessing. And I get where she's coming from....if my AH has been drinking, I'd rather just know about it than be lied to.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I'd suggest your AV is telling you to hold off talking to your wife about quitting to keep the option to drink an option, once that 'announcement " is made , it is a little more difficult to allow ourselves the choice to drink, not impossible just more difficult.
If you've quit , you don't have to say anything , she'll know ,yeah?
Not saying anything about it , especially prior to the tailgating ,is making the option that much easier to choose.
If you've quit , not telling her or telling her has no bearing , yeah?
If you're on the fence and you believe telling her 'makes' it 'real', then not telling her is keeping it from being for real, yeah?
If you've quit , you don't have to say anything , she'll know ,yeah?
Not saying anything about it , especially prior to the tailgating ,is making the option that much easier to choose.
If you've quit , not telling her or telling her has no bearing , yeah?
If you're on the fence and you believe telling her 'makes' it 'real', then not telling her is keeping it from being for real, yeah?
You get right to the point.
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