Notices

Who am I?

Old 10-13-2017, 05:33 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Who am I?

That’s what’s been on my mind the last couple of days. I’ve never had my own identity. I was always someone’s daughter, wife or mother. My drinking started the year I divorced and my son moved out of the house. Then I was all alone. Just me. For 10 months I was severely depressed. I had moved to the town I worked in and had no friend base so I would just lay in bed when I wasn’t working. It was a dark and lonely time.

Then a friend from the town I moved away from invited me to come over to hang out. Little did I know that night would be the beginning of a very hard road that led to a full blown alcoholic. I wish I could go back to that day and not go.

I still have no idea who I really am and it’s scary thinking of the process it’s going to take to find out. This journey is about so much more than not drinking. It’s about the whole process. It’s so overwhelming at times.

Thank you for letting me ramble.
Sinderos is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 07:13 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Hi Sinderos

Some similarities between us here.
I also moved to a new town for work purposes and because of loneliness , I suppose, it accelerated the drinking.
I'm 2+ months sober and it has at times been overwhelming , I still have no idea of the person I will become but I do know one thing, I don't like the person I was when I was drinking! anything has to be better than that person.
I still don't know too many people here, I live alone and my work is home based, so loneliness can be a major issue for me but I have a good routine in place now and I make sure I get out everyday even if it's just to walk or go to the store. It all helps, I just take baby steps each day and I do have really good days now, as opposed to the really black days that drinking created.
Most of my friends were sadly of the heavy drinking type so I don't really see them anymore but I do have a few light drinking replacements who don't see me not drinking as a problem.
My new life is still strange to me but I am slowly building up to a better one.
Culture is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 07:29 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 67
Who am I yeah thats a good question. I have struggled with this time and again when I get sober. For me when reality hits I chose to run back to the bottle rather than face my life so many times. As I am newly sober now theres a bit of fear growing already surrounding this question. I am scared of the past and the future.

Theres no other option but to face it head on this time for me. Just happy I can go a little at a time.
LastDrop is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 07:57 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
If you think about it, alcoholics are actually in a very strange situation. I mean, most people go through life unaware of who they are - we all work 9-5 jobs, raise families, and we compete with the Joneses. But those of us who are afflicted by this disease, we are pinned against a wall and our challenge is dead serious: Either we’ll have a spiritual awakening and find a purposeful way to live, or alcohol will drag us down to our knees and eventually kill us,

These are my happy thougths for this morning, lol!
Mac4711 is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 08:51 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
nez
Member
 
nez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by Sinderos View Post
This journey is about so much more than not drinking. It’s about the whole process.
So true! And what a journey, but so worth it I am 14 years into mine and I look at it as a return to my true self. It is about stripping away the false layers layers that built up over the years. That layering started before drinking. Then alcohol came along and the lacquering process started.

Recovery for me, has been a restoration process that seemed tenuous and tedious in the beginning, but the results slowly started to shine through. Enough so, that my desire to continue the process grew. So far, the elbow grease is yielding the hidden beauty of my project. The longer I am involved with the restoration, the more excited and serene I become as the original model is revealed.

It has become a true labor of love.
nez is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:40 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
I felt the same way, Sinderos. I had completely lost myself. I lost my identity when I was a military wife because it's really hard to find a job, never mind maintain friendships. As my kids approached the empty nest time, I began to drink. The place where you are right now can seem overwhelming, but it will unfold bit by bit. You will find your way and learn about your sober self.
Anna is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:06 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,201
I found this Serenity Prayer and wanted
to share it with you and others who use
it on a daily bases in life and recovery.



Serenity Prayer – Full Version (composed in 1940s)

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
Amen.


After reading this that you shared......

"Then a friend from the town I moved away from invited
me to come over to hang out. Little did I know that night
would be the beginning of a very hard road that led to a
full blown alcoholic. I wish I could go back to that day and
not go."

I immediately thought about my life and
all that ive gone thru and how I had to learn
this Serenity Prayer by heart, so that I can
incorporate it in all my affairs.

For the past 27 yrs in recovery/sobriety, I
have had to learn how to accept my past,
especially my childhood and beyond, as well
as all the actors or family members who
were played major roles in my growing up.

Now in my late 50's I still have to practice
acceptance of people, places and things
during my lifetime because if I don't then
harboring resentments towards them would
fester inside my heart, mind and soul and
would eat me alive.

There is no way I can turn back the clock,
or regain my childhood, or change the out
come of it because its never gonna happen.

So I can either allow this awful childhood
experience take my life which it almost did
during my drinking career or I can and I did
make a healthy change by placing all of the
bad in my HP's hands because I have no
idea of what to do with it, taking that burden
off my shoulders, so that I can live a healthier,
happier, sober way of life and continue to be
the person I am meant to be.

A loving, caring, sober child of God. The person
I was born to be and want to continue being today.

Today, with continue courage to accept my
past, I now know the difference my life has
become in living a recovery life .....

AND

I WILL NOT let the past define who I am.
aasharon90 is online now  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:22 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
chiquen81's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
I feel the same way. I feel like I had a strong identity before I started drinking and I got really lost along the way as the substance took over. I don't know who I am anymore at 100 days sober. My identity was too tied to the alcohol and being the life of the party. I think it is common in the first year of recovery to be lost. Are you in a support group or do you have a support system? Maybe try a women's AA meeting.
chiquen81 is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:22 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Thank you all for your responses. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in how I feel. I’m trying to learn to live again. I have started AA. I’m also in counseling. It’s just the minute to minute battle of my mind that I’m facing right now. It’s a real struggle as you all know.
Sinderos is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 07:41 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
12-Step Recovered Alkie
 
DayTrader's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Someday Sinderos, I'll bet you look back at your drinking and alcoholism and you'll be super grateful for every single bit of it.

I'm not always as spiritual and "connected" as I'd like to be but when I'm on my A-game, I realize it's because I've been putting in the work necessary to get there. And I was willing to put in that work BECAUSE admitting I'm an alcoholic who's lost the ability to choose to drink or not and has HAD to seek a spiritual solution it exactly what got me geared up to do the work in the first place.
DayTrader is offline  
Old 10-13-2017, 08:52 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,056
The process of finding out who you are might be scary to think about but it's not scary to have happen. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised, if not downright delighted Sinderos

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-14-2017, 12:38 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I remember feeling this way (and had already been reminded of this last night by someone else sharing the exact same fear at a meeting last night). It is something many others have gone through and will be happy to talk about at your meetings and on here to help you through it.

I've heard this being spoken of as being scared that, when drinking and our old character defects and resentments go, what will be left? Will we disappear like the hole in a polo mint? Thing is, we're not really like polo mints. More like butterflys waiting to emerge from our crusty old shells.

It was either Earl Hightower or Sandy Beach who spoke of being like a block made up of all those character defects, resentments, rage, etc. Recovery is like chipping away at that statue. Our worst fear is that there will be nothing inside. The chipping away (as we do honest inventories and the like hurts, and we feel fear, and want to stop or slow down. But as we chip away and catch a glimse of the beautiful statue underneath we do start getting braver and more enthusiastic about that work.

I've never met anyone yet who doesn't like who they are in recovery much. much more than the person they invented to hide behind. And once we can like and love ourselves, we can start really accepting the love of others, and being genuinely loving to others. It's all pretty amazing. But yes, scary at first. I'll try and find the speaker recording with the statue analogy on it for you as I've explained it pretty poorly, but at the time when I was going through those fears it really helped me to listen to that speaker recoding.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery and sobriety. BB
Berrybean is offline  
Old 10-14-2017, 03:10 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by Sinderos View Post
That’s what’s been on my mind the last couple of days. I’ve never had my own identity. I was always someone’s daughter, wife or mother. My drinking started the year I divorced and my son moved out of the house. Then I was all alone. Just me. For 10 months I was severely depressed. I had moved to the town I worked in and had no friend base so I would just lay in bed when I wasn’t working. It was a dark and lonely time.

Then a friend from the town I moved away from invited me to come over to hang out. Little did I know that night would be the beginning of a very hard road that led to a full blown alcoholic. I wish I could go back to that day and not go.

I still have no idea who I really am and it’s scary thinking of the process it’s going to take to find out. This journey is about so much more than not drinking. It’s about the whole process. It’s so overwhelming at times.

Thank you for letting me ramble.
Wow, really you basically put the words in my mouth (minus the son part, I don’t have any kids, yet).

I’m here for you. Almost everything in my life feels incredibly overwhelming right now and has for quite some time now.

Sometimes I wish all of us newcomers could throw all our problems/issues into one big bowl and just hang out sober together. Share stories and give literal hugs whenever we need/want.

Since we can’t quite do that, here:
GreenSwimmer is offline  
Old 10-14-2017, 11:51 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,936
I can appreciate how you feel, Sinderos. Most of us identify ourselves in lots of ways. For example I'm a chef which is an "ego-investment job" meaning I'm a chef all the time, not just when I'm at the restaurant. If I quit my current job, who am I then? An unemployed chef? A guy that used to be a chef? Hobbies can define us, beliefs can define us, as can political parties, clubs and activities, and of course what we choose to drink.

It feels like I'm the most "me" when I'm in the woods, hiking or camping. But I think we continually refine and redefine who we are we live more life.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 10-17-2017, 02:51 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Silverback4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Mac4711 View Post
Either we’ll have a spiritual awakening and find a purposeful way to live, or alcohol will drag us down to our knees and eventually kill us,
This above should be printed and shared in as many places as possible.
Silverback4 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:11 AM.