Dusk

I'm depressed...desperate n I know what I'm doing is not right.but I'm not able to control my urge to drink.id prefer to start the day with a drink.it makes me feel good.i don't neglect my child..my job but I neglect myself.i don't know what I like...like hobbies ect.all I can think of is booz.i tried to quit many times.1 week n I cook up an excuse.like I tell myself...u dint drink for a week so u so deserve to drink.i like people who drink...I don't like being around who don't.im a mess..if I don't do something right now..I m n will be in deep ****.plssssss help me

Dee74

Hi Dusk - welcome

I couldn't imagine my life without drinking either...I'd gotten in so deep I was drinking all day everyday until bedtime...

But there is a life after drinking, and it's amazing - it better than I could have dreamed of as a drinker.

It means a lot of change and a little initial discomfort, but it is worth it - and there is constant support here - you're not alone

you and your child deserve the best - I really hope you decide to go for it

D

Dusk

Thank u dee.im going for it...it's what I want for me n my child.im scared as hell.i started off by cleaning my place..disposing all the alcohol.cant trust myself not to run out n get a bottle though

Outonthetiles

That's how I was when I first came here, I literally couldn't imagine life without alcohol. Now I couldn't imagine life with alcohol.

charliesworld

At one time I couldn't imagine a weekend without getting drunk, either at home or out on a night out. That was my normal.

I've had so many more sober weekends than drunk ones since that my normal is now sitting at home watching a film with the family - maybe getting a takeaway. We are up early in the mornings doing activities (football Saturday/park run Sunday) so drinking would just be a nightmare now.

Silverback4

You can do this Dusk, hard at first but can quickly become easier and the rewards are plenty.
Wishing you the best and keep coming here for support

stephengb

You need strong motivation and to feel at a deep level that continuing to drink is worse than stopping. Otherwise you won't be able to stop or if you do it will be short time. Rather than think forever why not try and go 1 month take it as challenge and see how you feel after that. During that month focus and remind yourself the damage drinking is doing and going to do. Do step 1 of AA.

Lee6969

And it is hard, the anxiety and insomnia is the worst. I miss my Chardonnay Queen.... I can get thru the day doing things. I go out in my car, listen to Talk Radio, walk my dogs, anything to get out of the house from boredom. I'm good by 5 pm as I know I have to make dinner, walk my dogs, feed them, etc. so I am busy. I work from home during the day and it is hard not to go to the Fridge and grab a bottle.

The weekends I am fine as I work the night shift and have to be completely focused and alcohol free.

At night, I pop a Benadryl with a glass of chamomile tea. It is still very hard though.

Alcohol has ruined my life. My routine lab work showed elevated liver enzymes. So I am staying sober for 2 - 3 weeks per my doctor and taking herbal Milk Thistle 3 times a day trying to get my liver healthy again.

I have googled and the night before I had my lab work, I downed two bottles of Chardonnay. I read there with can elevate your enzymes, so I am staying clean until my next lab work.

I know this is no excuse to stop drinking, but I am 59 and have had a relationship with the Wine Fairy for 20 years. I want to live at least another 20 years, so I am trudging on..

This forum helps a lot. Keep Coming.

stephengb

I answered these questions, actually from NA guide. Wrote answers in detail and discussed with my sponsor.

What does the disease of alcoholism mean to me?

Has my Disease been Active Recently

What is it like when I am obsessed with something? Does my mind follow a pattern?

How Does the Self Centered part of the disease affect my life and lives of people around me?

Have I given plausible but untrue reasons for my behaviour?

What Crisis Brought me to Recovery?

How are you Powerless?

Describe the Unmanageability?

What Reservations do you have about stopping?

What does surrender mean to you?

What I am afraid about the concept of surrender, if anything?

What convinces me that I can’t drink anymore?

Do I accept that I’ll never regain control, even after long period of abstinence.

Can I begin my recovery without complete surrender?

What would my life be like if surrender completely?

Can I complete my recovery without surrender?

What are your Spiritual Principles?

stephengb

It can take 3 months AF for results to go to normal.

Anna

Dusk, I couldn't imagine getting through a week or even a day without alcohol. But, you can do it. You will be surprised how your life will open up to you.

Flinders39

Anna is so very right.
I also couldn't fathom going a day without alcohol - but, for me, it was about breaking the habit. I drank like clockwork and ended up having to change my schedule completely. I planned activities and did things that I NEVER associated with alcohol. That really helped.
It's hard at first - but it does get easier with time and patience with yourself.

CansOfOld

I couldn’t imagine life without alcohol either, Dusk. It was unimaginable. No drinking ... no alcohol ... what?!?!

So I had to experience it for myself.

The picture that I had previously painted, and was positive that it had to be accurate, couldn’t have been more wrong.

Life is tenfold better without alcohol. It really is. Here I am 108 days later and I don’t miss it a wink. My body doesn’t miss the 15 beers a day, either.

least

I couldn't imagine living without drinking either. Until I got sober for a while and saw just how much better my life was without alcohol. I know for a fact that I'll never go back to drinking as my life was quite miserable. I'm much happier now.

Dee74

Hows it going Dusk?

D