AM100

I knew this whole sobriety thing would be very hard but it's 100 times harder than I expected.

21 years of abuse to the body and mind coupled with physical/mental dependence is really kicking my butt.

By no means will I have another drink but there's not hardly any hour in the day or night that's goes by without it on my mind .

Boy, I would love just a few cold beers before dinner then a nice bottle of cab with a steak. I keep thinking, hell that's not so bad, and I might even get away with it for a week or so. But... I know damn well what comes next. I just miss the hell out of it !

Nonsensical

Whenever I catch myself fantasizing about drinking I freeze and say "Stop it" out loud. It is a counter-productive use of my time to fantasize about drinking.

And, as you well know, the difference between the fantasy and the reality of drinking is stark and chilling.
You got this.

Anna

You're right, it's hard, but you can do it!

It really will get easier.

nova84

You're right AM100 it is tough 💜 what positives have you experienced as a result of sobriety? Focusing on what you've gained rather than what you're 'missing' (although we know that's your AV lying to you and romantisising drinking) might help?

Dee74

It is hard - but so was my drinking life by the end.

The good news is recovery gets easier and better - hang in there

D

chiasticslide

It's an illusion. That first drink starts the cycle and leads to inevitable anguish, shame and hopelessness. That little voice in your head telling you 'just one more' even though you're so afraid of what it's doing to your body, even though you're hurting everyone around you, even though you're getting no enjoyment from it whatsoever. Then even though you want to stop you'll struggle to find the strength because you're so tired and the constant drinking is making you feel sick and weak. That's the reality. I guarentee drinking will only add to the problems you have now and will destroy your means of resolving them.

doggonecarl

You aren't drinking, right? Then the hardest part may be over. Many never quit. Not for a day. You did.

From this point on, it gets easier.

rascalwhiteoak

How much have you changed up your routine? I've revisited some hobbies and started getting in solid daily exercise, two things I didn't do when drinking, thus no drinking connotations.

AM100

Thanks for all the support, I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better but I'm not starting over.

Working on starting a firm exercise routine this week as well as finding ways to occupy my time when these thoughts come in

Eaglelizard

For some reason, it was easier for me to completely cut off contact with super sexy super psycho ex "girlfriends" than to de-romanticize alcohol. But it really is the same thing: after spending a day with either one, you remember all the downside. So now I just try to pretend that Ms. Martini is sending me a cute text message that must be ignored/blocked at all costs. Perhaps deleted from my contacts, though that is getting a lot more difficult these days with the cloud and all.

Silverback4

You are spot on AM100 - it does get better.
You are doing great, I know how it feels to mourn or grieve the loss of alcohol, but then I would think what am I actually losing?

Fear
Anxiety
Shame
Self Loathing
Worthless
Unproductive
Being a weapons grade trumpet to my family and friends
Self Respect
Health
Time
My mind
and the list goes on and on and on and on.

You are so much better here and sober

meowychristmas

I'm right there with you, AM. But as you totally know, it's not worth it in the end. It's the initial buzz from alcohol that I miss, love, and crave. We are in this together!