Fourfiftyeight

Well I’m 40 days sober now. It’s generally been ok but I’ve practically turned into a hermit. I don’t go out socially because my entire social life revolved around drinking.

I have terrible social anxiety and used to drink to relax in people’s company and feel more confident. I’d become really gregarious and outgoing in the pub but as soon as I saw people when I was sober I’d be shy and nervous, like a totally different person. I was bullied at school for my shyness and was called a mouse. It sounds stupid saying that now as I’m in my forties but the memory of it still stings.

It’s like I don’t know how to relate to other people when I’m sober. I don’t want to be a hermit because I feel lonely and crave company but going out socially and sober fills me with fear.

andyh

I suffer from social anxiety too & always used alcohol as a crutch. My GP referred me for CBT which I'm finding useful. I'm guessing you're in the UK - your GP should be able to refer you, or you may be able to self-refer

Find Psychological therapies (IAPT) services - NHS Choices

Dee74

It trook me a while to even feel anythign elss than panic in social siotuations sober....but the more things I did sober the better I felt and the less fearful I've become.

I'm comfortable with tho I am now and that means I'm ok with being an introvert.

I'm never going to be the life of the party or totally comfortable meeting new people, but I don't hyperventilate anymore and I can interact on a surface level and be friendly.

It's a great leap forward tho, where I used to be.

D

SimplyFree

School kids can be very mean, I was called gopher as a young elementary age kid because I had puffy checks at the time. That was on the bus ride to school. Later I went to school with one of the kids that I rode the bus with and of course he spread around that name, but instead of calling me gopher at the school, it somehow got converted to "grunt". Go figure. But I am me, whatever name was attached. I get to define who is behind any name or reference. My intent is to see all people with the same value that God sees them and treat them with His kindness and affection, because they are worth it.

Nonsensical

+1
It's a worn out cliche, but I think it's kinda like riding a bike. The first few times I tried it I was nervous, apprehensive, and anxious - but the more I did it the easier it became.

Oh, and there are TONS of wonderful sober things going on in the world. I just never knew it when I was drinking all the time!

You can do this!

Darcerella

I have the same issue. I don’t know how to be my “outgoing, jovially” self without a few beers. I feel like I don’t know what to say or lose interest in what others are talking a kit and have little input.

Anna

I had very similar issues. First, I think you should pause and accept yourself as you are, rather than trying to force yourself into being someone you are not.

That said, I hope you will become comfortable enough to go out and socialize. Maybe you could start with meeting some friends for coffee?

Dee74

Welcome to SR Darcerella

D

hpdw

I am going to a big birthday party a week tonight . I originally posted here "I am dreading it " but what the heck , its only a couple of hours , no one is too interested in me , most people are only interested in themselves . I will be driving and have set the time limit to 2 1/2 hours .

Anna I am going with your suggestion in mind.