Things I have learned about myself after leaving AH
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 103
Things I have learned about myself after leaving AH
I just got done reading the thread "you know you no longer live with an alcoholic when....." So enjoyed that thread but I wanted to add a little different twist so here are the things I have learned after leaving my AH:
I trust lots of people just not AH
I am not lonely
I am not afraid to be alone
I don’t need a white noise machine to sleep
I can take care of the things I need to and want to
I am calm and peaceful
I am patient and understanding
I am relaxed and funny
I am a good friend/ daughter/ mother
I follow through on things that i promise to do
People love being around me
People find me trustworthy and positive
People think I am strong and intelligent
I know I am strong and intelligent
I know I am capable and unafraid
I know I deserve respect and love my way
I am proud of who I am
PS bragging now can I just say my house is a quiet, calm peaceful ESPN free space.
Please share what you have learned
I trust lots of people just not AH
I am not lonely
I am not afraid to be alone
I don’t need a white noise machine to sleep
I can take care of the things I need to and want to
I am calm and peaceful
I am patient and understanding
I am relaxed and funny
I am a good friend/ daughter/ mother
I follow through on things that i promise to do
People love being around me
People find me trustworthy and positive
People think I am strong and intelligent
I know I am strong and intelligent
I know I am capable and unafraid
I know I deserve respect and love my way
I am proud of who I am
PS bragging now can I just say my house is a quiet, calm peaceful ESPN free space.
Please share what you have learned
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,981
Love this Viola!
By leaving my qualifier I empowered myself to
-learn a second language
-travel around the world
-bond with my nephews
-spend time with my aging parents
-cure loneliness with solitude
-face my own psychological garbage
-learn humility
By leaving my qualifier I empowered myself to
-learn a second language
-travel around the world
-bond with my nephews
-spend time with my aging parents
-cure loneliness with solitude
-face my own psychological garbage
-learn humility
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
I haven't left my AH, but I love your list!!!! And ESPN free? Yes, you are a lucky duck, indeed!!!!! Mine watches that PLUS Paul Finebaum for the 5 hours its on the air.
I have made small progress in that I will no longer accompany my AH to his football games every weekend. He will inevitably drink and I, in trying to keep *my* sobriety (and sanity) just don't want to be around the booze-happy atmosphere anymore.
Good for you, and your list is very inspiring!!!
I have made small progress in that I will no longer accompany my AH to his football games every weekend. He will inevitably drink and I, in trying to keep *my* sobriety (and sanity) just don't want to be around the booze-happy atmosphere anymore.
Good for you, and your list is very inspiring!!!
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
One thing I learned about myself: I used to think that anyone could make their lives better if they only worked hard enough. So when I met my STBAXH, I used to think, he can make his life better if I worked hard enough (on him). I wasn't the only one who thought this. I was constantly told (by his friends, family, etc...) to look after him. I soon realized that I was completely forgotten in the relationship and it was all about him, enabling his addiction. I have learned that I need to come first.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz 
One thing I learned about myself: I used to think that anyone could make their lives better if they only worked hard enough. So when I met my STBAXH, I used to think, he can make his life better if I worked hard enough (on him). I wasn't the only one who thought this. I was constantly told (by his friends, family, etc...) to look after him. I soon realized that I was completely forgotten in the relationship and it was all about him, enabling his addiction. I have learned that I need to come first.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
I had a revelation after leaving my AH. I learned that I always thought that men who were attracted to me in a deep way must have something wrong with them - that they must not be very bright or maybe they're a little nuts. I thought men who were a little cool to me and weren't overly into me were the smart ones, the trustworthy ones, the reliable ones. I learned that I was so messed up in the past that I thought only someone who was some kind of loser would express that they were "in love" with me. Now with some time away from the stress of a drinker's home, I've learned that I am worthy of someone who is "in love" with me and that sometimes those people might be really good, honest, reliable people.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 120
Since leaving, I have learned that my gut instinct actually does work and that I CAN trust myself to make good decisions.
I also learned that I have been entirely too hard on myself for many years and have been more compassionate towards myself.
I also learned that I have been entirely too hard on myself for many years and have been more compassionate towards myself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 88
1)I learned how capable of creating my own life financially and emotionally I am without him.
I never connected the dots between me anyway doing everything for both of us and me needing him around emotionally although he drained me instead of nurtured me.
The idea of breaking up terrified me although he was the source of unhappiness. Crazy stuff I know. I felt I always needed him my life for support.
2)I learned that there is more than one person (xa) in the world to be in a relationship with. I was so dead keen on making something of the relationship I brainwashed myself into all or nothing thinking about him.
3)I realised that intensity is not a good thing. I had such an intense feeling falling in love and being in love that any guy I dated was boring to me. I learned that the boring guys are what I needed. Boring I must clarify is that they were normal and drama free.
I also learned that being on intense emotional alert is not normal. I am thank full for an average boring day that doesn't involve an alcoholic. Its a blessing and it means progress to me.
4) I learned that I am capable career wise. I doubled my income and rebuilt my finances again fr scratch in a short 3 years. Got my own furnished place. I always avoided a stressful but good paying job because I had too much on my plate and didn't have the confidence from listening to xa. Next year I am going to be studying in the field of my choice.
5) I learnt that my family of origin effects me and what I need to work on with them. My family never supported me or showed me love. Even starting over. I was on my own and that kept me thinking the xa is the person who is supportive not them. But he wasn't really I latched on to him in their place.
6) I learnt guys find me attractive and are interested. This took me by surprise possibly because i brainwashed myself. Xa always put me down and was cold so I thought if I am so good to him then I can't be all that great and noone else will be interested.
7) I learned there is more to me than being an alcoholic partner and support system. I discovered more of my interests and lived life more in line with myself. My taste in furniture, my music, my friends,spending time where and how I want to be, my job of choice, my apartment that I really liked, my hobbies, what kind of guys I like, what things I don't like, being in line my feelings instead of being compliant. Living for myself is perfectly acceptable. No excuses needed.
8) I am still learning to be in healthy relationships. Its a process of finding out what doesn't work and what it means when it is healthy for me.
9) I still am a caretaker person and I am learning to direct it towards something positive where caretakers are a healthy choice like volunteer work. I will not let a good part of me be destroyed by a bad relationship.
I never connected the dots between me anyway doing everything for both of us and me needing him around emotionally although he drained me instead of nurtured me.
The idea of breaking up terrified me although he was the source of unhappiness. Crazy stuff I know. I felt I always needed him my life for support.
2)I learned that there is more than one person (xa) in the world to be in a relationship with. I was so dead keen on making something of the relationship I brainwashed myself into all or nothing thinking about him.
3)I realised that intensity is not a good thing. I had such an intense feeling falling in love and being in love that any guy I dated was boring to me. I learned that the boring guys are what I needed. Boring I must clarify is that they were normal and drama free.
I also learned that being on intense emotional alert is not normal. I am thank full for an average boring day that doesn't involve an alcoholic. Its a blessing and it means progress to me.
4) I learned that I am capable career wise. I doubled my income and rebuilt my finances again fr scratch in a short 3 years. Got my own furnished place. I always avoided a stressful but good paying job because I had too much on my plate and didn't have the confidence from listening to xa. Next year I am going to be studying in the field of my choice.
5) I learnt that my family of origin effects me and what I need to work on with them. My family never supported me or showed me love. Even starting over. I was on my own and that kept me thinking the xa is the person who is supportive not them. But he wasn't really I latched on to him in their place.
6) I learnt guys find me attractive and are interested. This took me by surprise possibly because i brainwashed myself. Xa always put me down and was cold so I thought if I am so good to him then I can't be all that great and noone else will be interested.
7) I learned there is more to me than being an alcoholic partner and support system. I discovered more of my interests and lived life more in line with myself. My taste in furniture, my music, my friends,spending time where and how I want to be, my job of choice, my apartment that I really liked, my hobbies, what kind of guys I like, what things I don't like, being in line my feelings instead of being compliant. Living for myself is perfectly acceptable. No excuses needed.
8) I am still learning to be in healthy relationships. Its a process of finding out what doesn't work and what it means when it is healthy for me.
9) I still am a caretaker person and I am learning to direct it towards something positive where caretakers are a healthy choice like volunteer work. I will not let a good part of me be destroyed by a bad relationship.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 88
Ophelia
Thank you.
I had no choice - I gave up what I had (didnr want him to come knocking for a couch or whatever and i saw possesions as attachments preventing me moving - as if a codie doesn't need another reason to stay) Letting go means making and keeping space for better! Relationships included.
I had to make it work.
I took baby steps and things didn't happen my way or in one step. but i dealt with reality and focused on progress not perfection. And i trust the process. I WILL get there. Long hard unwanted road but I am thankful for what I have been blessed with till now.
And I'm not even half way. Still got big plans for my life. Why not.
Thank you.
I had no choice - I gave up what I had (didnr want him to come knocking for a couch or whatever and i saw possesions as attachments preventing me moving - as if a codie doesn't need another reason to stay) Letting go means making and keeping space for better! Relationships included.
I had to make it work.
I took baby steps and things didn't happen my way or in one step. but i dealt with reality and focused on progress not perfection. And i trust the process. I WILL get there. Long hard unwanted road but I am thankful for what I have been blessed with till now.
And I'm not even half way. Still got big plans for my life. Why not.
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