DjSmithsfsd

Yesterday was our 11 year anniversary. He spent the day on the couch. I spent the day upstairs in “my” bedroom, watching sappy movies and crying. Yes, that’s right. We don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore. Haven’t for a long time. Sure, he will come sleep with me once in a blue moon when I beg.
Today, we mostly communicate via text message from across the house. We are having a text conversation right now as he desperately tries to understand what he needs to do to fix us. I have stopped short of saying I want a divorce. It doesn’t seem right to say in text. But I can’t bring myself to even look at his face right now.

I don’t know why I can’t let go of this. When I married this man, I loved him. We were young, enjoyed life and music, and our future was bright. Now, we sleep in different beds, and when I’m around him I am just sad.

He keeps asking me what he needs to do. Says he is willing to do whatever it takes. But even if he miraculously decided to step up tomorrow and start doing housework, get a job, and stop keeping his shoes on his feet while lying on the couch... I don’t know if it would change the way I feel. I’m stubborn. And once my mind is made up, it’s hard to change. I want to love again. And I wish I could love him again. But I just don’t know if I can.

dandylion

Dj.....I can remember when I "knew" it was over...and, that there could never be any turning back. My soul was hanging in the balance...and, the future of our three small children.
Until that time, I had not ever said the word "divorce".
At first he didn't believe me...but, when it sunk in, he did a lot of crying and begging.....but, it was too late....the dye had already been cast...too much water under the bridge....
That was a long time ago...those children are adults, now.....
He remarried within 2 years....and, by the grapevine (we don't talk to each other) and, what the children tell me....he has not changed one little molecule from what he was like, back then....
I have never regretted my decision...it was the right thing to do, as there was no other way to save my soul and the childhoods of my children.....

dandylion

Dj.....
Here is a link to our library of excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones....I hope you will take a look and start to read through them.....

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

DjSmithsfsd

Went to a meeting tonight. It was a good message from the speaker. Take action with care, but take action. And stop getting trapped in thoughts; give the decisions up to a higher power. While I don’t have the same higher power as most, I am able to realize that the universe has a funny way of working things out. And I need to stop thinking so hard about what separation will look like; just start the process and hand it over to the universe. I will sleep better tonight. Thank goodness for Al-Anon.