14 days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
14 days.
It's been 2 weeks since my last drink. Can't say I miss it. I just wish my partner were more understanding of the fact I am not normal, I mean we've had the same vicious cycle for 10 years. Today he tells me I just need to learn to respect myself and know when to stop.
How have you addressed a significant other who claims this?
I know it to not be true. I can't handle alcohol, period. He says whenever I get sober (it's been a few times in 10 years) that I always change. I'm quite annoyed with this comment, of course I have changed/am changing. I'm no longer in a fog, a daze a haze of buried emotions as they are now coming to surface.
He currently drinks, not at home or often. But he is using other drugs, not at home or often, but not often is enough to bug me. I've told him, not asked him.. To not come home if he decides to use other drugs. This is going to become a toxic environment if he continues or I relapse. However if I say anything, it's me deflecting because I'm the one with the problem, that he thinks I can regulate, all while he has his own addiction but because he's never hurt me or anyone mentally, physically or emotionally it's OK for him. Double standard?
Damned if ya do and damned if ya dont
Sure, I do feel a little superior, I'm currently( for today) beating my addictions ass, and I'm loving that! I'm losing "friends" and way OK with that. I had 2 days of depression and snapped out of it. I've discontinued use of social media (Facebook) , whoaaaa that feels amazing!!! Really just a home body 80% of my time outside work.
The end, haha, I have no idea where else to take this as I feel I can go on and on
How have you addressed a significant other who claims this?
I know it to not be true. I can't handle alcohol, period. He says whenever I get sober (it's been a few times in 10 years) that I always change. I'm quite annoyed with this comment, of course I have changed/am changing. I'm no longer in a fog, a daze a haze of buried emotions as they are now coming to surface.
He currently drinks, not at home or often. But he is using other drugs, not at home or often, but not often is enough to bug me. I've told him, not asked him.. To not come home if he decides to use other drugs. This is going to become a toxic environment if he continues or I relapse. However if I say anything, it's me deflecting because I'm the one with the problem, that he thinks I can regulate, all while he has his own addiction but because he's never hurt me or anyone mentally, physically or emotionally it's OK for him. Double standard?
Damned if ya do and damned if ya dont
Sure, I do feel a little superior, I'm currently( for today) beating my addictions ass, and I'm loving that! I'm losing "friends" and way OK with that. I had 2 days of depression and snapped out of it. I've discontinued use of social media (Facebook) , whoaaaa that feels amazing!!! Really just a home body 80% of my time outside work.
The end, haha, I have no idea where else to take this as I feel I can go on and on
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi Dreamcatcher! Congratulations on 14 days. It sounds like you're doing really well.
The thing I've learnt is that I don't understand how normal drinkers drink and normal drinkers don't understand how I drink. But none of that actually matters. What matters is that I understand how I drink.
If I understand that I can never take that first drink, everything else sort of falls into place. Yes, it would be nice to have more support in the real world but I'm doing fine without it. When I need to talk to people who understand addiction, I come here.
Sobriety brings clarity and with time you won't get annoyed when someone makes a comment about your sobriety. Your trust in your sobriety and in yourself will be enough. It really won't matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Stay strong, stay true to what you know is right for you. You're doing awesome
The thing I've learnt is that I don't understand how normal drinkers drink and normal drinkers don't understand how I drink. But none of that actually matters. What matters is that I understand how I drink.
If I understand that I can never take that first drink, everything else sort of falls into place. Yes, it would be nice to have more support in the real world but I'm doing fine without it. When I need to talk to people who understand addiction, I come here.
Sobriety brings clarity and with time you won't get annoyed when someone makes a comment about your sobriety. Your trust in your sobriety and in yourself will be enough. It really won't matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Stay strong, stay true to what you know is right for you. You're doing awesome
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Originally Posted by kenton 
Hi Dreamcatcher! Congratulations on 14 days. It sounds like you're doing really well.
The thing I've learnt is that I don't understand how normal drinkers drink and normal drinkers don't understand how I drink. But none of that actually matters. What matters is that I understand how I drink.
If I understand that I can never take that first drink, everything else sort of falls into place. Yes, it would be nice to have more support in the real world but I'm doing fine without it. When I need to talk to people who understand addiction, I come here.
Sobriety brings clarity and with time you won't get annoyed when someone makes a comment about your sobriety. Your trust in your sobriety and in yourself will be enough. It really won't matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Stay strong, stay true to what you know is right for you. You're doing awesome
The thing I've learnt is that I don't understand how normal drinkers drink and normal drinkers don't understand how I drink. But none of that actually matters. What matters is that I understand how I drink.
If I understand that I can never take that first drink, everything else sort of falls into place. Yes, it would be nice to have more support in the real world but I'm doing fine without it. When I need to talk to people who understand addiction, I come here.
Sobriety brings clarity and with time you won't get annoyed when someone makes a comment about your sobriety. Your trust in your sobriety and in yourself will be enough. It really won't matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Stay strong, stay true to what you know is right for you. You're doing awesome
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 2
Keep up the good work,i too,am 14 days sober,and I'm not thinking about alcohol so much anymore.The withdrawals I went,through were scary I really thought I was going to die.I know now there is no one drink for us alcoholics and I will not go through that again.STAY STRONG,AND SO WILL I
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I have a similar, though very different situation.
My wife is has as healthy a relationship with booze as humanly possible. Known to leave half a glass on the table at a restaurant, etc etc. She is also a very confident, out-going social person. I happen to be social and out-going myself, but also a drunk. All of our friendships, and I mean every single one, with old friends and new revolve around booze. She also likes a nice glass of wine here and there - and by glass I mean glass.
She wants me not be a disgusting, irresponsible drunk. But she would rather I not be a teetotaler either - she wants to have a drink in the vineyards or on the beach on a trip. She wants me to enjoy hanging out with friends while everyone drinks.
Oh well.
I have a road I need to walk.
My wife is has as healthy a relationship with booze as humanly possible. Known to leave half a glass on the table at a restaurant, etc etc. She is also a very confident, out-going social person. I happen to be social and out-going myself, but also a drunk. All of our friendships, and I mean every single one, with old friends and new revolve around booze. She also likes a nice glass of wine here and there - and by glass I mean glass.
She wants me not be a disgusting, irresponsible drunk. But she would rather I not be a teetotaler either - she wants to have a drink in the vineyards or on the beach on a trip. She wants me to enjoy hanging out with friends while everyone drinks.
Oh well.
I have a road I need to walk.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Congrats on 2 weeks!! Can you tell him frankly that you feel like he is sabotaging your sobriety? Sometimes I think normal drinkers need to be reminded that this is really life or death for us. Change is hard, but he risks losing you completely if he can't help you live a sober life.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Originally Posted by ProfessorD
Congrats on 2 weeks!! Can you tell him frankly that you feel like he is sabotaging your sobriety? Sometimes I think normal drinkers need to be reminded that this is really life or death for us. Change is hard, but he risks losing you completely if he can't help you live a sober life.
He chooses the party over our family, and I am just not going to stand for that anymore.
Thank you again for boosting this up, it was a great (and sad) read.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Oh, I shall add.. He is not sabotaging my sobriety, no one has that power other than myself.
I am very confident I will never drink again (I am sure people here would love to disagree with my confidence, and that is OK). For over 4 months I have not once wanted to drink, to urge no AV. I am just done.
Blessing,
DC
I am very confident I will never drink again (I am sure people here would love to disagree with my confidence, and that is OK). For over 4 months I have not once wanted to drink, to urge no AV. I am just done.
Blessing,
DC
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Originally Posted by Dee74
no disagreement here..at around 4 months I knew I'd be tested again but I also believe d I could stay sober for good
D
D
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Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Dreamcatcher, I'm sorry that you're going through this.
I also knew by 4 months of recovery that I was not going back. I may not have always known how I was going to move forward, but I did know I wasn't going back. I'm glad you know that, too.
I also knew by 4 months of recovery that I was not going back. I may not have always known how I was going to move forward, but I did know I wasn't going back. I'm glad you know that, too.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Originally Posted by Anna
Dreamcatcher, I'm sorry that you're going through this.
I also knew by 4 months of recovery that I was not going back. I may not have always known how I was going to move forward, but I did know I wasn't going back. I'm glad you know that, too.
I also knew by 4 months of recovery that I was not going back. I may not have always known how I was going to move forward, but I did know I wasn't going back. I'm glad you know that, too.
I'm so happy to hear all the confidence in stopping. At AA I haven't heard a lot of confidence in the room, so this all is a breath of fresh air.
It appears relationship struggles happen when 1 gets sober.. I'm fine with it it ending, if that's how it goes, maybe too fine with it.... More will be revealed in the coming week, thank God I have therapy Wednesday!!! Ha!
Have a blessed day,
DC
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