Hbabgtkf2017

Hi everyone, this is my first post.

My baby’s father is an alcoholic. He landed in jail again last night. It was a probation violation after a DWI in February.

We are not together but six days ago we started trying to make something work. He graduated from school and seemed to be doing well. So I thought. We even had an agreement regarding custody and parenting time that we were going to file with the court. But now that’s all upended. I’m in shock and heartbroken, but really not surprised.

I don’t know if he wants to get sober. I do know that I can’t be responsible for anything he does or doesn’t do. I refuse. I want to go to al-anon but am having trouble finding a meeting I can make it to but think if I get creative I can figure something out.

I need support. I really love this man but he has so many issues. So much lying, the alcoholism, and who knows what else. I suspect there’s more I don’t know about. I’ve been through so much with this man. So many scary and painful things. I have cut him out of my life many times only to reconcile, then have something happen again. I refuse to keep going through this cycle with him but I know the only way that’ll happen is if I get support.

I am now afraid, again, to leave our son with him. I used to breathalyze him before and after visits. He was always clean. Thank god our son wasn’t with him last night, and that no one was injured or killed.

I am afraid he’s still in denial and doesn’t want help. He said he will get help when he called me from jail but who knows how sincere he is. He might just be sad he got caught. I think it will take something more severe for him to really want to give up alcohol.

This is heartbreaking. I want so badly for my son to have the father he deserves. But I know that’s not under my control. So I just have to keep doing the best I can and move forward and raise a strong family myself. I’m so disappointed. But I know, like everything else I’ve gone through, that I’ll make it And come out stronger. But it still hurts like hell.

biminiblue

hi, Hbabgtkf2017.

Welcome! I'm sorry for what brings you here, but there is a lot of support from those who understand. I don't have kids, so can't imagine.

There are some good threads to browse through, here are the Classic Reading ones.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

Take care of your little, and may God bless you both.

Hbabgtkf2017

Thank you Bimini. I read the first post on choice and it was helpful. I’ll read the rest. Thanks again.

Maudcat

Hi, Hbabgtk2017.
Welcome.
You will find good support here.
Good thoughts.

Hbabgtkf2017

Thanks maud. I am not a religious person but I am going to take my family (me and my two kids) to church in the morning because we need love and support.

Nola0250

Yes, you do deserve love and support. You and your child deserve far more that what you are dealing with. Good for you, for searching out what you need. You are absolutely right, you can’t control what he’s going to do or whether he gets well. What you can do is take care of you and your child, and you are doing it. I know it’s hard to break this cycle. Some of us go round a few times. You can get to where you want to be.

Hbabgtkf2017

Thanks Nola. We went to church and it was nice. I am still heartbroken though and so sad to be left all on my own with my kids again. I feel like an island. I really need to find more support. I’ve been too isolated because I’ve been overwhelmed by my responsibilities. On the outside everything looks great but inside I’m running on fumes and just so tired. I’m looking forward to the day when I look back at this day and realize I’ve come a long way and things are much better.

atalose

I think SR I a great wealth of support and so is al-anon (once you really get the program). I am a firm believer of “history doesn’t repeat itself – people repeat history”. You know his history, you know he continues to repeat it so vow to not repeat your own history by listening to his words that don’t match all of his actions. Actions that need to drastically change and be witnessed by you for a long period of time before you venture down that road again with him.

There are 168 hours in a week, finding 1 for just you isn’t impossible. 1 hour of counseling or therapy or an al-anon or recovery program is not asking much of your time and well worth your time.

It’s very common for addicts who have just used to claim they want to stop using and the same with alcoholics sitting in jail to claim the same. But again, it’s their actions not words tell the whole picture. Our part is in not closing our eyes to that or become blinded with wishful thinking and their words.

Stick around, read post, and educate yourself about alcoholism and addict behavior. And welcome!!! sorry for what has brought you here .

Hbabgtkf2017

Thanks atalose. I found a meeting I can go to tomorrow. I make good decisions when supported and can slip on that when unsupported so I know I need this for success. Actions not words, actions not words... a good mantra. I decided not to take his calls from jail. Besides they cost money. I also decided against contacting his family he lives with and telling them what his deal is. They probably already know anyway and just enable him anyway. I know he lies to them like he lies to me and they probably know that too. Not my circus, not my monkeys. I am still so heartbroken and shook up over this but I am so thankful this happened 6 days after we tried to reconcile and not in 6 months!! God is totally protecting me!! And all those people he didn’t hit while driving. And himself! I pray he will come to his senses but don’t think he will yet. And it’s not under my control.

Bekindalways

Welcome Hbab. I'm so very glad that you found us. Also glad that you are fighting for yourself and your little ones.

Being a young mom is hard enough without dealing with an alcoholic. Please take care of yourself the best you can and use this site when you can't get face to face support.

May every angel in the universe dive bomb your family!

Hbabgtkf2017

Thank you so much bekind. I hope Angels do that too!