PerplexednLost

Today I have a long double shift at a restaurant in a college town with a huge (drinking) event that lasts all weekend. Big drinking town - a kid died from alcohol poisoning in his dorm a week ago. I start this double shift with no hangover and 7 days of sobriety under my belt (although I still wonder if I should count the first day - I didn't drink but I was still drunk for much of it).

I was talking to my wife and I told her that without the acute shame of doing something ignorant the night before that I truly am sorry for last Friday, and all the other days I caused stress, pain and general unpleasantness. She didn't give me the "put your worries in a sack" that I have so often deserved. Instead, very gently, she said you know the only sorry that matters is the first one because after that you're choosing to do the same thing that caused the problem over and over again.

I asked, and I ask on behalf of myself and everyone else who is truly trying to make a change and make amends: can it be that the only "I'm sorry" that really matters be the last one?

biminiblue

I wouldn't get caught up in trying to define who's right about which sorry is the important one.

Words are meaningless anyway. It's action that counts. Keep doing the right thing and your wife will see that.

joandmelandhan

I thought quite long and hard about the "sorries" particularly when it came to my 2 daughters. I've told them a few times that sorry is just a word and that it's more important to show that you're sorry in your actions. It struck me that they of course deserved humble sorries from me at times but that the true apology and amends is to put it into action and get sober. No fuss or drama - they don't need any more drama - just be that present responsible mum they deserve.
It's actually quite hard at first but sometimes the sorries were more for me than for them.
Maybe that's all your wife wants too. Get better and live your amends to her as a supportive loving husband.
Just my little twopenneth.....

tomsteve

there wasnt any "im sorry" that mattered coming out of my mouth.
i said that so many times my fiance finally said,"youre ******* right youre sorry."

actions speak extremely louder than words.

"im sorry" isnt making amends.
amends-compensate or make up for a wrongdoing.
i make amends for my bad behavior by changing how i behave.

Dee74

For me my sorries were said so often, they became meaningless.
This is a case where actions really do speak louder than words.

Embrace change - become who you really want to be - leave addiction behind.

People responded well to the positive changes in me.

D

Princessofhope

For me, sorry is just a word unless it is followed by action that supports it. Sorry on its own doesn't 'fix' the pain, upset or the problems that have been cause but with actions it can show that you truly regret it. Well done on your 7 days!

jryan19982

Sorry is made up of a bunch of letter and sounds. What matters is how you handle yourself from here on out. You will show you are truly sorry by putting on your big boy pants (as someone used to say but I can't remember who) and sack up. You can do this! You will be amazed at your resiliency, your clear and profound thoughts, and your admirable actions. I would like to say I have made a complete 180 but I'm more like at 120 now and still making progress. It's a never ending journey but the journey turns into a nice walk in the park (with some windy days sure) and in that place you find yourself. You find what matters the most. You find how to fight and win. And most importantly you learn a sober you!

August252015

My sorries said while drinking became meaningless too - at least to those closest to me whom I hurt the most.

Now, sober and a committed AA - my sorries are for Step 10 - ongoing amends to others when you do the inevitable human wrongs of life, and these are handled promptly per BB guidance.

My amends are living and breathing - made specifically and one time to those that could suffice for, and shown more by my sobriety and what AA calls "not dwelling in the past nor shutting the door on it" (para 4th ed) for my past but living my program in all my affairs NOW.

MindfulMan

I've said to multiple throughout my life to stop apologizing and then doing the same thing again. Either own your behavior or shut up.