RedAndy

Back here as no idea which way to turn - started drinking again after 650 days of sobriety - it was gnawing away at me and no matter how much I tried I couldn't find happiness / comfort in sobriety - change of role for the second time in 8 months at work and felt like everything was just too much, just had enough and got myself back on it about 6 weeks ago, didn't post or speak to anyone as simply didn't want talking down at that point, I'd had enough, couple of heavy sessions to start with and then decided to control it, well more so I was told I would control it and limits put in place, wife finds it easy to stop at 4 which is her limit - its just lighting the touch paper and can see there could be trouble ahead - well that's already arrived as I walked out of work 3 weeks ago not being able to cope with things at all - not down to the drinking just everything spiralling out of control with anxiety and depression, things been getting worse and worse which resulted in me ending up in hospital last weekend after taking an overdose, not drank now for 7 days but for the life of me that's all I want to do, trying to find an escape - it's driving me crazy and I can't see any way forward - I just don't see how to do this - problem being I don't want to - feeling so utterly trapped right now.

Anna

I'm so very sorry for what happened to you and it's a relief to know that you are okay.

Have you talked to your dr about your depression? It could be possible that medication would help. I also wonder if you've considered talking to a therapist? That might be helpful as well.

I'm glad that you made it back.

RedAndy

Thanks Anna,

Yes I am in the process of meds being changed and under daily supervision / home visits with local authority mental health team - working at getting things right - just all seems so difficult right now.

sweetichick

It sounds like they are looking after you well. Going through a change of meds can be painful emotional ly. It may take a few weeks for things to level out for you. Do something to take your mind off it like watch a DVD or go for a walk.

andyh

really sorry to hear you're having a hard time of it, but glad you're here

good to hear that you're getting help. have you told your mental health team what you've told us? I'm guessing that your new medication may take a while to kick in, are you able to ask for something to help you until it does, if you think that would help?

are you able to reach out to anyone else for support? people who supported you in your recovery before your relapse maybe?

Gottalife

Similar thing happened to me, only I didn’t last as long as you. Discharged from treatment, life went down hill fast, medical team visited diagnosed depression, got worse, got drunk after about four months of absolute misery.

A year later, almost dead, the only thing I did was join aa and work the steps. Never drank again, never went back into that chamber of horrors.

RedAndy

Thanks Andy.

Yes I have been open with them - feel like I sound pathetic but my head is all over the place.

I also need to make contact with drink and drugs team I was under - was discussed today that I do and also post here, found it difficult to come back but glad to be here.

Dee74

I'm sorry you've been drinking again Andy.

Happiness and comfort in ourselves can be an elusive thing - sometimes it's right there...and sometimes we have to look for it, get some help even.

I hope your doctor can help.

It's worthwhile I think thinking about what you want your life, and yourself, to be like, and try to work out a path to that goal.

One thing I know for sure is there's no answers in the bottom of a bottle.

D

teatreeoil007

I am sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. Glad you felt you could reach out here. I hope they get you on the right meds in the right dosages. I am pro meds for depression that is more than just situational. But that's just me. I hope whomever is caring for you there really listens to you and takes you serious. Also don't be afraid to tell them what you've told us.

When a person is so unhappy they are miserable, it's a call to take a closer look at what is contributing to the unhappiness. I know what it's like to feel trapped and it's a horrible feeling. We are here and care.

teatreeoil007

I just hope they take you serious and anyone else that needs help with any kind of psycho-social torment. Of late, on my way to work I drive right by the new building going up for a badly needed psyche hospital. You'd think in a community of this size that there would already be a psyche hospital, right? Well, it's finally happening. It's frustrating as all get out though...I wish...I wish there were more answers...and I dearly wish for peoples' mental anguish to be relieved. The new hospital gives me some hope though, that while mental illness is not a big money maker it is getting some badly needed funding to build that.

Maudcat

So sorry. Hope things come together for you.

DarklingSong

Very sorry to hear you are suffering.
I think you have shown strength and honesty to come back here.
Don't give up on yourself. 650 days was a wonderful achievement- please don't lose sight of that.
Support to you.

Dee74

How are you going Andy?

D